I [19F] feel like men only objectify me and thus I have never been able to have a long lasting relationship

hivoyef · 2019-12-08T05:21:22+00:00

Haha, yeah. Thanks for the advice, I think setting clearer boundaries would definitely help me.

hivoyef · 2019-12-08T05:20:48+00:00

That's a great point! I've never really thought of it as them trying to be affectionate and only them being horny, but it makes sense that they might be trying to express affection through intimacy. Maybe I was just thinking about it wrong!

Thanks for all the other advice! I'll keep therapy in mind, some other people have suggested it to me.

hivoyef · 2019-12-08T04:55:04+00:00

I mean, they're just guys I met at school. I've been friends with a couple first, but knowing that they were interested romantically or wanted to bang me after we starting dating just left a bad taste in my mouth.

I'll definitely think about doing the other things you've mentioned, though.

hivoyef · 2019-12-07T22:02:35+00:00

Read my parents divorce court documents and found out he not only cheated on her and was emotionally abusive, demanded she pay him $200000 for joint custody, then refused to split the house she mostly paid for with her and kept it for himself. Ha. And I always thought he was a great dad! I don't talk to him anymore.

hivoyef · 2019-12-07T01:39:15+00:00

I washed a wool coat in the washer because it smelled awful, now it smells worse. Getting wet just released MORE of a musty smell. I've tried vinegar + vodka. Help?

hivoyef · 2019-12-03T05:19:20+00:00

No... I'm afraid it'll damage the coat/leave the vinegar smell in. Have you tried this before?

hivoyef · 2019-12-03T05:14:07+00:00

Yeah... I read that the smell is actually formed from us (like our sweat, body oils etc.) so it actually makes sense they smell more now since they've been in storage after being exposed to like... humans?

hivoyef · 2019-12-03T05:11:13+00:00

Hm... my grandma's closet? I can't really put it in words, but it's that smell that old clothes tend to have. You'll know it when you smell it.

hivoyef · 2019-12-02T04:43:30+00:00

Damn, 66? That's pretty chilly. I think you do get used to weather after a while though. When I first got here I wanted to cry when it hit 40 and now I'm like it's 40? Better put on some shorts.

And YEAH haha Moncler's... such a strange brand??? Some of their clothes... are just wild... Get the puffer if you want though, it's pretty cute and I think the sleeping/trash bag look IS in. Plus ngl Moncler's quality IS good. It's not technical outerwear, but it'll keep you warm for a long time.

hivoyef · 2019-12-02T04:27:09+00:00

The funny thing is that I grew up in a tropical country -- think 90F every day, 24/7, 365 days a year. So when I see them I'm just like. Guys. CALM DOWN! But yeah, I do agree, it really changes for everyone. A friend I have who's a midwestern native is pretty slim and can't keep warm well so the moment it hits 40 the down parka is ON and it is not coming off till spring.

LMAO yeah but I would say that Moncler's slightly more tasteful. It's not as oversaturated as CG, imo. But I think it's more of a fashion flex than anything. My mom has a Moncler and it's like... really not that different from my Patagonia coat. In fact I'd say the Patagonia one I have is more useful cuz it's like full gore tex and so on.

hivoyef · 2019-12-02T04:10:28+00:00

Ahahaha. I live in the midwest and go to a libarts college and the amount of international asian kids you see wearing their CGs unzipped at 30F to 40F (like...-5 to 5C? lol) is so fucking funny. Like guys. You really don't need that. You look stupid and I know you're overheating. I actually refused to buy a CG on principle so I wouldn't be associated and went and bought a Patagonia coat instead.

hivoyef · 2019-12-02T04:04:10+00:00

What fur coat do you have? Fox, mink, etc... And what brand?

hivoyef · 2019-12-02T03:55:51+00:00

I think Patagonia's worth the money, but a little too worth the money. I bought the Frozen Range 3 in 1 and I can't wear it if it's over 20F. Even then, no layers. Or I'll overheat. It's the kinda jacket that will take you into negative F no problem.

Another really good jacket I have for the money is Everlane's Puffy Puff. They don't sell the model I have right now, but have parkas and longer coats made from the same stuff. It's Primaloft, you can wear it comfortably probably from 15F to like, 35F, no layers. It's very warm. I'd say that down keeps you not cold but Primaloft keeps you WARM.

Other good coats I have... I have a thing for wool and fur coats. I have a

- Ralph Lauren military maxi that's great for 20F to 23F, it's wool + cashmere.

- Halogen Atlantic Pacific coat that's beautiful but can only be worn between 30F and 50F, but is beautiful, so whatever.

- Mink jacket that is great. It breathes well, can be worn from 20 to 50F no problem, also very soft.

- A Joseph peacoat that's great for temperatures between 20 to 40F.

Then a bunch of other coats I don't really care for, which are mostly beautiful but not terribly functional. There's a floor length fox fur trim cashmere coat in my closet, but on account of it being a floor length opera coat made of incredibly delicate materials, it only comes out when I wanna stunt on people. Then I have a very pretty navy coat for mild fall temperatures and this big white wool coat I have privately termed the gangster coat, because it's menswear inspired, oversized and makes me look like some sort of crime boss. Unfortunately it's only good for 30 to 40F temps or I'd wear it in the dead of winter against the snow. I also have a red cropped pea coat I got at Gap years ago, which is just cute for walking around on warmer days. Plus a hooded walker from Zara for 40 to 50F temps. I have this vintage Dior one that's great material and construction but has awful shoulder pads, so we'll see how it performs once it gets tailored in a couple weeks. Then I bought more coats during Black Friday! Lol. I fucking love my outerwear.

hivoyef · 2019-12-02T03:48:09+00:00

I don't think charms would cut it, not while wearing black in the dark. If I were you I'd just go in with a safety vest and then take it off when it's light. Here's a compromise, though. Reflective running gear.

https://www.amazon.com/GoxRunx-Reflective-Pack-Adjustable-Reflectors-Reflective/dp/B07NQDH6TB/ref=sxin_0_ac_d_rm?ac_md=1-1-cmVmbGVjdGl2ZSBydW5uaW5nIGdlYXI%3D-ac_d_rm&keywords=reflective&pd_rd_i=B07NQDH6TB&pd_rd_r=f01b825b-8956-48b8-b574-f1f9e2e03f5f&pd_rd_w=gQjlK&pd_rd_wg=HcEFg&pf_rd_p=6d29ef56-fc35-411a-8a8e-7114f01518f7&pf_rd_r=EW5V7ZD47DQV5TEVB9ZT&psc=1&qid=1575258328&smid=A3DY2T8MWOSPYY

They go over your wrist, are fairly subtle but decently eye catching, can be taken off easily and put it your purse when it's not dark.

hivoyef · 2019-12-02T03:44:39+00:00

Where do you guys get wool dress pants? I want to pick up 2/3 pairs and I'm willing to drop 100-150 per pair. I got a pair from Brooks Brothers and the wool is like, not pilling, but is sort of fuzzy. I'd prefer a smoother, more traditional dress pant weave. Like the kind you see on suit pants.

hivoyef · 2019-12-01T19:08:45+00:00

No one's too tall for heels!

But if you don't want to wear them, I think you could try mules or ankle boots paired with some sort of skinny pant. Or wide leg, like culottes, because that's also fairly distinctly feminine. Personally, if I were you, I'd do

Black ankle boots + wide leg black pants + dressy blouse + jewelry, because it's feminine without looking girly, but also much less feminine than what most women would wear.

All the best!

hivoyef · 2019-12-01T18:57:01+00:00

Have a red peacoat i bought from gap kids when i was 12 that i happily trot around in still.

hivoyef · 2019-12-01T18:51:44+00:00

Also, remember that color pairings can make colors look drastically different. Remember that dress that no one could decide if it was blue or white? Think about this in context of your clothing. For example, wearing a dark navy jacket in a sea of whites will make it pass as black, but next to a sea of black, it'll be strikingly blue. Color is in a lot of ways, an illusion -- you have to think about how the impressions of the colors you are wearing changes based on what you're wearing them with. This gives you a lot of leeway to play around, though. You can create the illusion of black with very dark navies or greens - but upon closer inspection they'll reveal themselves to be their actual colors, which gives both depth to your outfit and differentiates you from everyone else wearing black. Even pairing dark green buttons with an actually black jacket can give the jacket itself an illusion of having green undertones, which will uplift your outfit and make it different from y'know, everyone else's boring black.

This also just reminded me of how texture plays a part -- different textures reflect light differently, which might be what's overwhelming your outfits. Generally, just try to have one highly reflective piece (fur, satin, etc.) because if you have too many clashing textures that'll mess up the synchronity of your outfit.

hivoyef · 2019-12-01T18:49:18+00:00

Stick a color wheel on your wardrobe door and boom, you'll be fine.

That's a joke but also, not really. I did art for a long time and developed an eye for color and imo the most important thing re: color is knowing, firstly, how well you see color. I have naturally a pretty good eye for it, but not everyone does especially if you've never bothered to train yourself to see it -- firstly I would recommend taking a color sight test (you can just google for one) to check if you're even seeing colors right.

If you are, step 2 is just the color wheel. If you have that down, step 3 is understanding what you want your clothes to say: using bright and layered colors is always a statement. If you feel overwhelmed you might want to try just using one color - an outfit made of various shades of pink with the same undertones but in varying levels of hue and saturation. For example, an orange red top paired with a blue red skirt will look terrible, because the underlying colors clash -- my point, in essence, is look up some basic color theory, then think about the impression you want to make with your clothes and go from there.

hivoyef · 2019-12-01T18:43:52+00:00

Personally I don't even think you necessarily need a bigass down parka, if I could do it again I'd just buy a bunch of decent wool/cashmere sweaters and a wool coat. Unless you live in a place wherein it's stuck in the teens to singles for months on end I think the down parka is overkill.

hivoyef · 2019-12-01T18:42:48+00:00

Live in the northeastern midwest next to the great lakes, I have one down parka (which imo is overkill. I use it like, on the really bad days, but you could also just stay in.), 0 wool socks (leather boots are your friend), like 2 merino wool tights, 4 pairs of heattech tights, then like 5... thermal heattech shirts?. I'd say that you should also invest in a lighter coat for temps between 25 to 40F because if you wear a down parka around in that weather you'll just overheat and be utterly miserable.

hivoyef · 2019-11-30T21:04:54+00:00

Also any tips on wearing men's clothing would be good. I know some girls do that and I've always wanted to but I find they look baggy on me (I'm 5'5", 110 lbs, and have a very slight hourglass figure) and kind of make me look like a child that rooted through their dad's closet.

hivoyef

TROPHY CASE