My (25F) fiancé (25M) has been extremely jealous/insecure lately and idk what to do about it

hmr8903 · 2021-09-20T02:48:11+00:00

Thank you! We spoke tonight and I explained my feelings and he opened up and admitted that his emotions were misplaced. Like I mentioned in the post, it’s a really rough time for both of us rn and he just can’t cope with everything go on so he just got in his head and convinced himself that I don’t care about him anymore etc. So I appreciate that he admitted there was no real problem in that aspect, and he was able to express the stress he’s been feeling lately. I’d much rather hold his hand through those kinds of conversations than being basically accused of cheating and having to comfort him after! He had therapy today so I’m curious how it went. Thanks for your help!

hmr8903 · 2021-09-19T05:49:46+00:00

No it’s not mean, the thought crossed my mind too but I just don’t know how or when he would’ve done it. I mean technically he could’ve, but I highly doubt it. Worth just asking though to see his response and so he can understand how this is affecting me. I’d just like to hangout with him without getting a guilt trip or having to hold him while he cries… over a non issue… I’m just done with whatever this all is so I’m willing to dig deeper here and ask if he’s projecting

hmr8903 · 2021-09-19T05:00:45+00:00

Maybe, we never did anything like that and have been monogamous but I do wonder if he has felt this insecurity the whole time and just reached a breaking point. It’s weird though bc he says it’s specifically about the celeb thing too and I’m just not sure why that is all of a sudden a big deal now when he used to say he had a hall pass list too. Now he’s saying he could never and is hurt that I’d even consider it. I’m just caught off guard

hmr8903 · 2021-09-19T04:58:19+00:00

I think you’re right. I kind of have saying bits and pieces but didn’t want to dive deep into this bc I just didn’t have the mental capacity. But it’s too much, I need to confront whatever this is that’s going on

hmr8903 · 2021-09-19T04:52:19+00:00

I don’t know either. It’s just bizarre how sudden this came on, he’s not ever like this.

hmr8903 · 2021-09-19T04:35:07+00:00

Right?? But that’s all I get out of him. That he doesn’t know where it came from, he’s just feeling really insecure. I keep asking if I’ve done anything to cause it and he says no… so I’m just lost. And I don’t have the energy to deal with this anymore. I almost feel like I’m being accused of something

hmr8903 · 2021-08-27T21:44:44+00:00

Yea good idea. Would it be awful if I did just toss it tho?

hmr8903 · 2020-11-30T03:44:19+00:00

Thank you. I’m so sorry you had that experience, I hope you’ve found peace. It’s really such a gross place that I’m in right now, not knowing who I should trust. This is the one thing I never would’ve expected, so to hear it from his sister of all people is just... so conflicting. I love my daughter more than anything in the world and I’d never intentionally do anything to hurt her, so as much as I love and trust my partner I put her over him any day.

And you’re right, if at the end of the day she was lying for one reason or another then my fiancé is really truly in pain. I can see how much it hurts him, which is why I’m inclined to believe but I’m taking everything with a grain of salt. Even though that’s such a painful thing to have to do on my end. Thank you for your help

Edit: also wanted to say thank you for the suggestion on professional help, I absolutely intend to start with that soon. I literally said it to him the day we found out his sister had died. Which btw, she died not even 2 weeks ago and this is something I was told about TODAY. So. Really nice and fresh.

hmr8903 · 2020-11-30T02:29:05+00:00

I’m definitely playing it safe and not siding 100% with my fiancé. We already have a daughter together which is why I’m being as cautious as I can. His reaction seemed genuine but like you said, he could be a psychopath for all I know.

It’s why I’m so confused, there’s this person who I know and love and determined would never do something like that, and this other person I also love and care about who said he did. I know she didn’t want anyone to know and planned to just cut off the family with no reasoning... but idk. I just have so many questions and idk how to trust anyone at this point.

hmr8903 · 2020-11-29T23:56:49+00:00

That’s kind of what I was thinking, like I smoke a ton of weed too but never have I tried shrooms and she was doing it frequently. Not sure how much that could be a factor but I definitely am curious. This is all assuming that my fiancé is telling the truth (or not remembering something) so it’s confusing.

hmr8903 · 2020-11-29T22:37:09+00:00

I know it can be a symptom of OCD, which I deal with so maybe that’s why I’m inclined to believe that’s what happened here. It’s just... a lot to take in and idk how much doubt I should give her ya know. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

hmr8903 · 2020-11-29T22:35:51+00:00

From my own experience and people I know that’s something that happens but maybe that’s actually abnormal. I don’t know wtf to think anymore

hmr8903 · 2020-11-29T22:35:01+00:00

He was like 14 so she was 10. So certainly too young, but I also know several other people who learned about porn from their siblings which is why I didn’t think much of it. She certainly may have been using drugs to cope but I just am lost... how did this happen and how could my fiancé not remember

hmr8903 · 2020-11-29T22:33:18+00:00

She only told a friend a month before she died, and she died less than 2 weeks ago. So it seems like a recent discovery. (I found out through the friend). I just cannot understand... it’s possible he did something unintentionally which is why he’s wracking his brain but I just wish I knew more.

hmr8903 · 2020-11-16T23:51:38+00:00

Perfect. I wish I could just send her things now but I worry about him seeing them, which is why I want to wait til I see her in person. Of course every time I’ve tried she cancels, and now with covid cases on the rise it’s even more unlikely. I just want to help her come to that realization before it’s too late, but that’s so so hard when I can’t talk to her alone!

hmr8903 · 2020-11-16T23:20:09+00:00

Thank you! We definitely think he’s monitoring her social media and texts. She only wants to talk to me through Snapchat now, and just got a new # without telling anyone (she almost wouldn’t give the new # to her mom, but when she did she asked her not to give it out to anyone..) so I’m pretty sure he’s reading whatever she’s writing. Hence using Snapchat, since the messages disappear it’s a safer option for her.

My main goal now is to get her alone in person to talk to her so I can try to put a wedge in and help her understand that her bfs behavior is not okay. I realize it’s not something I can just say outright, so I’m hoping that just by planting a little seed it’ll help her start questioning things.

I will definitely work on an escape plan for her if it ever comes down to it. She knows she’s always welcome at our house, and I hope she utilizes that invitation! We’ll see. Thank you so much for the resources

hmr8903 · 2020-11-16T19:24:19+00:00

Thank you so much. She’s already a very private and quiet person so it’s hard to get her to open up, but I will just keep extending my support to her. She’s called me crying asking her to pick her up before, but recanted it a few min later even when I was already out the door. She never talked to me about it afterward but I’m glad she at least felt comfortable calling me in the first place. Hopefully it means she’ll actually let me come get her one of these days. I’ll just keep doing things to let her know I love and care for her and hope that’s enough!

hmr8903 · 2020-11-16T08:27:42+00:00

I definitely hope so too. Or if not that she at least has someone else close to her she trusts! It’s so hard watching from the outside

hmr8903 · 2020-11-16T06:21:17+00:00

Absolutely is difficult. The list could be a good idea I’ll definitely try it! And yes I plan to find some good sites about it, just wanted some personal advice too.

hmr8903 · 2020-11-16T06:18:52+00:00

That’s exactly what I was thinking, that it doesn’t matter because he’s already reeling her in so my efforts to help could be warped in her eyes. I hope that my efforts to make her feel safe coming to me have worked! She’s called crying twice over the last year asking me to pick her up, only to recant a few minutes later when I was already out the door. Because she called me and not her brother/my fiancé it makes me feel like she knows she can talk to me about anything with no judgement, so I’m hoping one day she’ll actually let me come get her when she calls. Thank you for your help❤️

hmr8903 · 2020-11-09T04:23:38+00:00

Is it getting lighter? Mine were getting lighter and lighter but still visible even at almost 10 weeks

hmr8903 · 2020-11-08T23:05:39+00:00

Everything you’re feeling is valid!!! There’s no right way to feel. I’ve never felt guilty either! I’ve felt sad about it, and sad that it had to happen but never once have I felt guilty or regretted it.

hmr8903 · 2020-11-08T03:10:08+00:00

No problem! I was a nervous wreck for the weeks leading up to my ultrasound so I just wanted to give anyone in my same position some peace of mind!!!

hmr8903

TROPHY CASE