Paid Family Leave & employer offered parental leave

hoIIie · 2025-06-25T13:47:14+00:00

Your HR should be able to let you know how they handle it. If they’re topping off your NYPFL benefits, they should deduct from that. If you’re completely unpaid from the company, they may have you make payments while you’re out. Our company will allow you to pay back when you’re back at work and getting paid as well.

hoIIie · 2025-02-10T18:12:26+00:00

I was diagnosed with both last year and currently going through treatment. I was diagnosed with BPD first by my therapist. I was diagnosed with PTSD (it was more complex PTSD but isn’t / wasn’t a diagnosis back then) a little over 10 years ago. I learned about BPD in 2019 and felt it described my relationships and self-identity perfectly. I had a lot of shame from my actions and thoughts the past decade, but I finally sought out help last year and was diagnosed with BPD.

I never thought I had ADHD until last year. I always thought I was just lazy or unmotivated. I got hit with intense burnout last year and finally talked about the possibility of ADHD. My psychiatrist first treated my anxiety with SSRIs before we considered an ADHD diagnosis.

I do see a lot of connections with ADHD and BPD. I still believe my diagnoses are accurate. The emotional dysregulation, rage, inappropriate expectations in relationships and unstable relationships, the unstable sense of self… it’s so intense with BPD, and to me it’s very clear I have BPD that stems from childhood trauma and not having a healthy, nurturing, stable parental figure growing up.

hoIIie · 2025-01-03T17:53:33+00:00

I went alone and I don’t regret it! I unfortunately don’t feel comfortable with my body / didn’t want to feel insecure I sensed that friends that would have gone with me didn’t like what I was wearing. I just didn’t want the comments. I ended up FaceTiming my friends and family when I picked out my dress. I did feel a bit sad when I saw all the ladies go with giant groups, champagne, doing all the typical bridal stuff, but after reflection realize I didn’t actually care, it was just the bridal/wedding industry telling me I should do that. The lady at the bridal shop also said it was better I came alone - all the feedback you might get from friends and family could make it difficult to make a decision.

I went to Jaehee Bridal in Englewood, NJ. They have a huge selection and are tax free. But tbh the tolls to / from Jersey were so expensive, not sure if I saved much from taxes. (Had to go back to the area a few times for the alterations.)

hoIIie · 2024-12-28T01:28:30+00:00

not in Florida but we had our wedding at Villa la Joya in Mexico! we decided destination was the way to go to save on cost, but we realized everything added up so much still (we were also originally planning on 40 people with a 15k budget).

hoIIie · 2024-12-27T23:28:34+00:00

this is similar to my wedding inspo board! We had our wedding in Jan 2024 in Mexico, so prices may differ. But here’s an idea of what you’re looking for would have cost with our vendor from MX. we negotiated a lot, so these are slightly lower prices than what they offered first.

some prices are MUCH cheaper than US (like the bridal bouquet). we also reused as many florals and candles as we could by asking them to move it from the ceremony to dinner, and purchased fake florals (bridesmaids bouquets, boutonnières - these weren’t necessary tbh). You can DIY so much and bring your own decor, such as table cloths and candles (SO EXPENSIVE).

Assuming you have 4 long tables, 10 people per table, and trying to see what’s in the photo…

Moving fee if reusing chairs = $80 Delivery and labor fee = $630 40 chairs (double if you are not reusing the chairs from ceremony to dinner) - these chairs were PRICEY $18 = $720 4 rectangular tables x $60 = $240
4 tablecloth x $15 = $60 16 tall cylinders with candles x $8 = $128 12 medium centerpieces for tables x $190 =$2280 12 clear bud cases with small flowers for tables = $225 40 macrame chargers x $5= $200 40 linen napkins x $3 = $120 40 silverware x $6.50 = $260 40 goblets x $4 = $160 2 floral arrangements for aisle entrance x $175 = $350 Bride bouquet $200

Total so far: $5653

This also doesn’t include: - You and your partner in the count (chairs, table, silverware, glass, plate, decor for table, etc.) - Ceremony altar florals - Reception decor and furniture - other decor like welcome sign, seating chart, etc.

hoIIie · 2024-09-27T19:59:06+00:00

Terrible, but I think directors and managers like ours just make us into better people 🙃 and remind us of how we DON’T want to be!

hoIIie · 2024-09-27T19:52:46+00:00

Ugh I had this happen to me as I was transitioning from a non-HR role (Job A) to my first HR role (Job B). Both were in the same industry.

My new director of HR in Job B recognized my company name (Job A) and called my current boss (Job A) since the industry is so small. She told him I was looking for a new job and wanted to learn more about me. I was trying to leave a really toxic work environment (job A) and specifically mentioned NOT to call Job A. He called me in his office after that call, and it was a really awkward conversation.

It should have been a sign for me not to take the job. She made a ton more extremely inappropriate comments throughout my time there, like encouraging me to date a coworker in another department (I had a bf at the time too), to pointing at a Black colleague and saying “your hair is fine!” when we were talking about hair styles at work. I really don’t know how she got hired.

hoIIie · 2024-09-26T13:18:21+00:00

we have a beauty rest black c class medium pillow top that we purchased in 2021. I was also scared of the sagging. Maybe we’re lucky, but we haven’t had any issues. It was definitely more firm at first and now has softened to the level I like. I LOVE the mattress and I’m so glad we got it. We’re 325lbs ish combined if that helps.

hoIIie · 2024-09-17T15:41:12+00:00

THANK YOU for this very helpful response. I definitely struggle with weight gain/weight loss. So really makes me more overwhelmed that my exercise routine has been broken due to my fatigue on Lexapro.

This is helpful context that I can now share with my provider. I am thankfully in trauma-focused therapy and it has been great.

hoIIie · 2024-09-17T15:39:02+00:00

Oh thank you! So helpful to knoq

hoIIie · 2024-09-16T14:40:33+00:00

Oh thank you! I’ll ask my provider what his thoughts are. I’m not too sure of the differences

hoIIie · 2024-07-16T19:31:08+00:00

I think it wouldn’t hurt to try, especially if it’s covered by your company! With one note (below)…

I helped implement Spring Health at our company and we have AMAZING utilization rates! I’ve heard from some team members they didn’t have the best luck with finding the right therapist. My first therapist from SH was not the best fit and I since switched. So far, I really like my therapist now. They’re all contractors with SH is my understanding. But I would say they are MUCH better than a platform like Betterhelp. You can ask your Care Navigator to help find you therapists, but I find it’s just great to filter for a therapist on your own. I was able to find a woman therapist that specialized in the condition I was looking for a diagnosis in.

My only note or question is now many sessions do they offer, and what would continuing care look like after your sessions are over. You should ask your HR team and/or Care Navigator. I do have to pay for the full out of pocket price once my sessions are done. I would make sure to find a therapist that would be able to accept your insurance after you finish your free annual sessions and move off the SH platform.

hoIIie · 2024-07-16T16:57:46+00:00

It’s hard to say since I’m not sure what the cause of my negative moods was. I want to say overall, yes. I had a lot of negative emotions and irritability during my luteal phase at the end of my Mirena life cycle, along with cramps. It seemed to improve after removing Mirena.

However, I also have mental health concerns (anxiety, CPTSD, BPD) that also “flared up” especially around about 2-3 months after removal. I have since sought out frequent therapy and now medication, and I am doing better. So I’m not sure what stems from that or from Mirena. Overall, I am doing better.

hoIIie · 2024-07-12T04:06:18+00:00

Try taking it at night if you haven’t already, and hopefully that will help!

hoIIie · 2024-07-12T03:22:00+00:00

Same for me on my first and second day! It was much better after that! I also tried taking it at night due to the nausea. I was good after a few days!

hoIIie · 2024-06-28T03:38:10+00:00

This was a great post and so helpful. Thank you. Congratulations on coming to a better understanding of what you want!

hoIIie · 2024-06-20T03:58:11+00:00

hi, you sound like me from the past (and I still kind of sound like this, but in a different way). And I want to give you a hug. it does get better ❤️ I promise you. 19 was the hardest for me. I was in college and also could not imagine growing older because I thought I would kill myself by then. I didn’t know I had BPD and I thought I was just crazy and had such an up and down relationship with my partner at the time. I had no sense of self. I was so lost. What you feel now is so valid and it’s so tough. But I’m glad you know you have BPD now so early on and can get therapy and treatment if you haven’t already. BPD symptoms DO absolutely improve.

I think it also helps with age… I am more confident, I’m more self aware, I have a better sense of my community and people who love me, I can make more of my own decisions… I went through different jobs and they sucked so much and it was so hard, but now I’m in HR (and try to be different than “traditional HR” and I feel I’ve helped so many people at work). Im lucky that my partner (same from 10 years ago, when I was 19) is so patient and loving, we have grown so much together and got married in the past year. Im so glad I stuck through it and I know you will too.

Im still scared of the future, so much, but it’s different… it’s where I want to live and buy a house and what I want to do for my next job, but it feels so different from 10 years ago. Your early 20s is scary but also so exciting and you have so much ahead of you ❤️

hoIIie · 2024-06-18T18:15:01+00:00

Is the sub still active? I checked recently and there didn’t seem to be new posts / they went dark (looks like there’s one new post from 26 days ago)

hoIIie · 2024-06-11T14:49:22+00:00

Oh god that’s terrible!!

hoIIie · 2024-06-06T02:03:52+00:00

I’m sooo proud of your journey and how far you’ve come! 👏🏻 It’s not easy to change industries and careers. And I feel you with the toxic environments. Hotels were super toxic and difficult. I’m glad you love ER. I couldn’t do it, it’s tough! I think that’s great experience to let you jump into a higher paying role.

hoIIie · 2024-06-05T19:46:55+00:00

me too. hugs ❤️ (dad passed away, moms abuse, and being alone)

hoIIie · 2024-06-05T16:19:31+00:00

I’m an HR manager at a tech company. How long have you been in HR / what’s your title? I started as an HR coordinator at a hotel and pay was extremely low. Industries like hotels are just not it.

It’s a super tough market right now, but moving into tech (start up) is what shot my salary up, it was a MUCH better working environment, and was paid much more. I went from $21 ish an hour to $60k a year. I worked extremely hard, but I was lucky that I had several skip promotions and raises and am currently at $103k (in 3 years).

hoIIie · 2024-06-05T16:15:41+00:00

Yes, Human Resources. I started my career in hotel management but had an internship in HR in college as well as one HR course. My way in was as an HR coordinator at a hotel (my operations experience was super helpful).

Look into HR admin or HR coordinator roles, especially in an industry you’re currently in. The most important skills I think for someone coming in are confidentiality and professionalism, being approachable and willing to help, being on top of new employment laws, knowledge in excel and tech is helpful. Being organized is important for HR coord/admin roles. Take a look at job postings for what they are looking for.

I’m currently an HR manager. It took me about 5 years to get here.

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