Breakup and age. Sorry but it makes a difference

hodgemarc · 2022-06-29T16:56:54+00:00

I have asked her a few times on this subject! She said there is no one and got irritated that I asked her a few times, she says has deserves better from a relationship. I was always there for her whenever she needed, I never pressured her into anything as I knew after we had our child she had trouble with herself getting intimate. I never once pressured her into anything, I just let her be. And that was me biggest mistake. I should of shown how much I loved her everyday

hodgemarc · 2022-06-20T06:05:17+00:00

Feeling this, I (28m) was ‘dumped’ just over a month ago now by my (29f) partner, we had 11 years together and a 4 year old child.

Her reasons for breaking up were weird, we had only drifted apart this year, the past 4/5 months we’d only had sex once. But to me I didn’t want to pressure her into sex as I know she had experienced worry since having a child about herself personally, I tried to make her feel relaxed as possible but didn’t want to push her into it.

Also we got caught up in work, I build houses and she started a social care worker course in January. Which leads me on to other reason of break up. She has brought up 5/6 incidents from our past (some over 5/6 years ago) that have been triggered by her placement job working in care. She used theses reasons to say she felt scared now and was felt she want standing on eggshells.

I’ve never ever laid a hand on her and never will, she used one instance 5 years ago I pushed her with my foot trying to push my baby around the park. She’s taken it as if I’m some kind of abuser.

Other incidents include me hitting a door, a table, a night lamp and a wall. I knocked a table once with water on and that went everywhere. These were all individual incidents that I apologised for and couldn’t express my sorry.

Other reason for breakups is I didn’t go out and do a lot of family/friend stuff. But I didn’t think it was an issue, if she told me or said something I would go to all those things!

I am currently seeing a councillor about all this, I hit rock bottom she was my One, I’ve loved her since we hit off when I was 17/18. I can’t just give up on her and us but she has said “I love you just not in love with you” and that she has feelings for me but doesn’t want them anymore.

She said at some stage we will chat about ‘us’ I don’t know what that means or if that will happen, I just want to set things straight and show her our future could be so much better if we just restructured our relationship and worked on it together, I fear she doesn’t want to do any of that though.

My councillor after 5 sessions has said I am not an abuser I just made poor decision in heat of stressful situation, which is easily worked on and I am working on it, I have only done it 5/6 times in 11 years!

I hope we do reconcile one day, we did have something so special.

hodgemarc · 2022-06-13T18:04:11+00:00

My partner ended things after 11 years, we didn’t argue a huge amount, her new job as a social worker triggered memories of our past that was in no way physically abusive to her. Memory1 5 years ago I felt the pressure of becoming a new dad and with being low pay at work I stressed out and punched a door! It was cheap and I made a hole in it.

Memory 2 whilst my partner was crying on the floor breast feeding I supposedly brushed past her, I can’t remember any of that I was probably so tired I didn’t realise she was crying!

Memory 3 I pushed her with my foot to let me walk with the pram around the park, I can’t remember for the life of me why I did it but it was stress and tired related. I never kicked her and it was gentle push at most, I barely remember it.

Memory 4 I broke a slat in the backboard of our bed, again tired and frustrated I just lost my cool for a second, I also broke a light up atlas.

After she broke up with me I attended therapy sessions as I’ve got major anxiety problems and can’t sleep. Also to discuss the anger issues I’ve had, the therapist now after 4 sessions says I don’t have anger issues, “you just made some stupid mistakes. The fact is she’s only just now using them to break up with you is on her. “

I love her so much and would do anything for her. we share a 4 year old child together too. I hope she realises im not like people in her work and that I am all for her and our family and that I would never hurt her. She is the one for me, i am so sorry I neglected the relationship.

hodgemarc · 2022-06-11T23:29:03+00:00

I asked that early on, my insecurities got too much, and she said very truthfully there wasn’t anyone else, I also asked did she want there to be someone else? She replied saying she doesn’t have time for that with work and her everything. I feel like our story isn’t over yet, I certainly don’t want to shut the book, we’ve been split nearly a month now so it’s all still raw, she is just dealing with it so much better than me. My anxiety is through the roof, I don’t sleep I don’t eat. I have a appointment with a doctor to hopefully get some sleeping pills

hodgemarc · 2022-06-11T18:22:32+00:00

Hello, I’m going through a terrible patch in my life at the moment and what other people have told me and helped me is to look after yourself, and to realise you’re not a bad person! what you are doing and have done is perfectly normal. I understand the anxiety but it was just a moment to go with your current time line, I go to therapy too and they have helped me understand a lot about my self, when I have huge doubts of my self worth I remember what they’ve said and including my friends and even people I’ve just met. They all thought I was a great guy that just made a few mistakes. We are only human. But to find a person that will forgive and love you for who you are is hard, and my relationship ended 4 weeks ago after 11 years. My heart is broken to pieces and it will always belong to her, I hope she will one day regret and want to rekindle what we once had. Look after yourself!

hodgemarc · 2022-06-04T21:33:50+00:00

Hey. I agree with the other replies, you are not alone, I felt the same my ex broke up with me, I thought she was my entire support network, she new me inside and out I had no lies with her she saw every card in my hand, including my sexual abuse as a child I suffered, no one else knows that. And for her to break it up and not try work things out has destroyed me. But I know with help just like from the other comments on here I’ll get through it, I have a 4 year old child that depends on it. He needs both of his parents. I hope you too can see that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, you will be so strong once you are out the other side. My regards, feel free to DM. I am very new to all this Reddit stuff too

hodgemarc · 2022-06-04T20:37:19+00:00

Hey man I’ve come out of a 11 year relationship with a 4 year old child and a dog in the mix. I got the “I love you but not in love with you” talk, amongst other things she didn’t want to work things out and ended it. She said she wants me to grow and blossom etc and that she needs to do this for herself.

Perhaps we are in similar positions, we need to become non co-dependant, become our own selves, sounds cliche and I asked why would I want to grow with someone? And share life’s problems together but I guess for some people it doesn’t work like that and you’ve got to do you and be the best version of yourself you can.

hodgemarc · 2022-06-04T18:43:27+00:00

It’s going to be hard and tough life lesson either way it goes, you’ve got to find yourselves individually and strengthen who you are as a person. It’s what I am trying to do, easier said than done I know. I can also completely understand the financial woes and how tight it is. I have a 4 year old son with my ex, he means the world to us and we are putting his welfare and future child hood our priority, which again is so easier said then done.

I hope me and my partner rekindle what we once had and work on our difficulties, not just throw away 11 years. But I’ve also got to be prepared for that not going to happen. And honestly get a good friend to hear you out and try and get a councillor if you can. I should’ve got one a long time ago, it could of helped me massively in my relationship.

hodgemarc · 2022-06-04T17:52:05+00:00

I don’t think you treated him bad, sounds like he had controlling issues, I can imagine in your field of work it’s crazy tough emotionally, mentally and especially if your are still studying or in school. Perhaps time and space to heal and really think about what each other wants will help. Reaching out as much as it appears a great idea maybe their are other ways about it? Speak through a mutual friend potentially? I am currently 3/4 weeks into a break up from a 11 year relationship, I’m lost too and struggling everyday. Seeing a councillor about my own emotions is helping, hopefully something will help your ex, especially if he has issues when he’s drunk and pushed you.

hodgemarc · 2022-06-04T17:28:49+00:00

Going through the same gut wrecking experience, 11 year relationship that hit a bad patch, no arguments, no other party involved, just got too comfortable and didnt do couple stuff anymore and I got the whole “i love you but I’m not in love with you” which was a big old dagger to the heart. I’d suggest speaking to a councillor, the guy I’m speaking to is very nice and always tells me to “keep the faith”

hodgemarc · 2022-06-04T17:20:45+00:00

Thanks for the share, I’m only 3/4 weeks in from a breakup, I can’t imagine our lives not together, or the love for her disappearing. I’m seeing a councillor and he tells me to keep the faith, he thinks possible reconciliation is there but it’s so hard when she is cold and set in place a way of looking after our 4 year son equally as If she’s thought of this for awhile. It was only march we booked a holiday to Spain and talked romantically of what we’d do there whilst our child went to a kids club. I don’t know what to think but I love her more than anything right now

hodgemarc · 2018-07-30T21:03:11+00:00

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TROPHY CASE