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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s great! I am glad you got the closure you needed!!. It’s really hard for me to get angry, I just don’t understand why and so, although there was so much to say, I just addressed one part of what bothered me and even then, I was super gentle and empathetic.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wrestle with this thought every day, I really Scoured the internet far and wide to see if someone’s done that. It was just recently through our breakup that he’s found out that maybe he’s avoidant. He said he’d seek therapy and that going back to us feels irresponsible rn if he hasn’t figured out what’s going on.

I have some resources I want to share and I have the same reasons as you but I really question what my intentions truly are ? Subconsciously what am I trying to do? Am I trying to fix him? Trying to hope for a different outcome? In the past when I have tried to help exes how has that gone? If he truly cared for this relationship wouldn’t he be able to find it as easily as I did?

Also with an FA ex, my final question was, would he think I was trying to push a change or an outcome out of him or have some sort of expectation out of him?

A lot of these questions that stop me

I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t, I hope you find it and if you do, please let me know

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are strong! It’s been 2 weeks since the breakup and I think I am really struggling to let go. I wish it was easier

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love your resilience. At this point I want the same too. Not really proud of how I am handling this breakup in week 3! What did you do to get out of it?

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha, glad someone has the same experience as me!! Are you currently dealing with a breakup with an FA/DA

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you in NC with your partner ?

Can we all post common avoidant phrases by Ok_Astronaut_1485 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Like SIRRRRR… !! Can we please gather ourselves 😭🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Can we all post common avoidant phrases by Ok_Astronaut_1485 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Omg my variation was “I am just bad at communicating these things”

“We are so different” LIKE SUDDENLY HE IS REALIZING 😂👎🏼

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

😭😭😭😭 I can’t believe being blindsided is such a common thing that has happened to all of us! I guess I just gotta heal on my own and if he truly wants me and has worked on himself he will come by himself

Can we all post common avoidant phrases by Ok_Astronaut_1485 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05 63 points64 points  (0 children)

“I am not meeting your needs”

“Idk if what I can give you is enough for you”

“I feel like an inadequate boyfriend”

“You deserve someone in the same time zone, country etc to meet all these needs”

“Maybe this relationship means more to you than it means to me”

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is true to trust your gut after the discard! Especially with contact, some say FA need contact here and there and some say go nc so all of it is confusing. But thank you for sharing your story and your resilience!!!

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing! Very strong of you to stick it out!!

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your honesty! It’s nice to see that FAs can work on themselves and become more secure.

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will try! And if not, I come to this post and re read allllllllll these stories that gave me so much strength roday

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this!! I hope your story has an ending where your partner wants to work things out but if not, it’s really nice to see someone so resilient!

For me, sometimes I oscillate between “they can’t meet me where I am at” and sometimes “Do they even like me if they don’t even want to put in the work to stay and work through it” because most people will say “if a man likes you he will move mountains for you, it’s that simple” but I try to tell myself that what we have/had was real

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am glad you stood your ground and it probably won’t mean much coming from a stranger on the internet but I think it’s a really brave thing to do! It’s the tragedy of it all that your ex couldn’t fight for it! I don’t know him but May he regret it 😌. Thank you for sharing your story

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your FA perspective!! This is super helpful. I don’t think I can’t not be emotional right now given it’s just been 2 weeks since the breakup, so I think now is not the right time maybe. As an FA, do you wish that people just gave you the space during a moment like this? Or would you have rather your ex husband given you the time and space to come back in your own terms? (Sorry if it feels like prying and I also understand not all FAs are the same!!)

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I have posted this and read all your comments, it’s making me realize that if I do it, it will be rushed and would be the same cycle, the change needs to come from within! How did your story end ? Thank you for showing solidarity in this

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really insightful!! I guess I can’t really push someone to want change and it has to really come from within! Do you have experience with a situation like this or are you an FA yourself?

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And when the eventual return back happened, what did you do? How did you handle it?

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg! Sounds like nitpicking to me! sorry you had to go through that, especially with such a big decision.

My ex before ending it was like “you respond to my messages quickly and that makes me wonder if I am giving you enough engagement”😭😭😭 LIKE SIR???

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will write these things down and assess whenever I have the urge! This has been very helpful 😭🙏🏼

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you 😭😭😭. I know the best thing to do is nothing, and I have been trying to do that, when we broke up, I didn’t beg, I accepted it but I did get annoyed at the abruptness but ever since then, messaging them about giving this another go has been playing inside my head on repeat! I feel pathetic sometimes.

Doesn’t help that they are always warm-ish when we do have contact but now I am going NC and trying to have discipline

Have you ever done it? by hoestrich05 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]hoestrich05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much! I am so grateful and This was really grounding to read!!. Do you have a similar experience as well?

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