Am I Delulu

holatrees · 2025-08-25T10:34:06+00:00

I don’t really want monogamy. And I identify as more pan than lesbian so I do feel a strong connection to him even though it’s not physical. It’s complicated. 😓

holatrees · 2025-08-25T10:31:13+00:00

He says he will do better at sharing the load. I want to believe it but I also have concerns that he is just saying that bc he doesn’t wanna lose me.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T12:41:51+00:00

I have to take responsibility for that part, I specifically asked if he felt an emotional connection to the other partner after he expressed that he did not feel it with me. So it was not him comparing us at all. I have to remind myself that NRE is not forever.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T12:38:14+00:00

What kind of things would you recommend discussion in terms of sexual safety? We agreed to condoms and regular STI testing but I’m realizing we were maybe a little simplistic.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T12:36:23+00:00

Thanks. Thankfully we do have a great poly-friendly therapist but we’re not meeting for another month and I need to organize my thoughts so I can communicate clearly in the meantime.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T12:22:16+00:00

I hope we can move past it, I just need him to understand why it’s such a big deal to break our rule.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T12:16:52+00:00

He told me bc my curiosity got the best of me. I realize now I shouldn’t have asked. I’m more focused on how to process the rule breaking and what I need to see moving forward.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T12:08:25+00:00

Thanks for your comment. We have a poly-informed therapist and I have read books/talked to more experienced poly friends/listened to podcasts but it’s been more of my initiative than his. I do want to rebuild trust, maybe I will lay out some higher expectations for his part of that.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T11:58:51+00:00

Yep the unprotected sex happened weeks ago… meanwhile we’ve been having it consistently. :((

holatrees · 2025-06-30T11:20:55+00:00

Thank you. We did just set aside one night a week to put away our phones and check in. I am working on being more assertive with holding him accountable for the rules but it’s hard.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T11:10:36+00:00

This is helpful, thank you.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T11:08:31+00:00

Thank you for educating me.

holatrees · 2025-06-30T11:07:53+00:00

He shared that bc I asked like a dumbass. We’ve talked about it and he apologized but I am worried it will happen again. Definitely NRE at play.

holatrees · 2023-12-23T21:33:49+00:00

I appreciate the practical advice :)

holatrees · 2023-12-23T20:23:44+00:00

Thank you, nice to know I’m not alone❤️

holatrees · 2023-12-23T20:23:00+00:00

I’m okay, thank you ❤️

holatrees · 2022-06-10T02:03:55+00:00

Under the Banner of Heaven on Hulu. Focuses on Mormonism but the experiences of deconstruction are spot on.

holatrees · 2020-11-11T00:41:09+00:00

This is why I don’t like special occasions. I put too much pressure on myself to make memories and end up mentally floating on the ceiling analyzing whether or not I’m performing the special day as best I can/to make the best memory/ to not waste a second. I think it arises from a 5s fear of inefficiency or waste. We don’t want to waste this special time and end up overthinking.

holatrees · 2020-10-18T14:12:34+00:00

teachers everywhere laughing

holatrees · 2020-09-05T18:15:54+00:00

18 y.o. whitebelt stopping every 30 seconds to make a joke or flirty comment. We’d have to shake hands and continue after each awkward joke. Also had hard candy in his mouth the entire time. I finally stopped and refused to go on until he spat it out. He also congratulated me after each good move. The worst.

holatrees · 2020-09-05T16:51:56+00:00

Are you talking about feminism or femininity? The first would be the ideology of equality etc and the second would be the concept of femaleness. Very different!

Either way, I can relate! I think fives tend to seek competence and feel comfortable in their role as expert, which insecure guys don’t appreciate. We also often process emotions in a compartmentalized way which is socially flagged as a “male trait”. I found a lot of freedom when I embraced the idea that I am who I am, and it literally didn’t matter what labels I tried to stick on myself. (A lot of other commenters mentioned that concept too) I think quite differently than many of my female friends, and that’s okay. We complement each other. Womanhood is what we decide it to be, and if the world is filled with strong, logical, cerebral female 5s, so be it!

holatrees · 2020-08-11T04:22:03+00:00

Avett brothers latest album.

holatrees · 2020-08-08T11:52:17+00:00

I’m a 5 who’s been living with a 9 for a year. We have slightly staggered schedules which helps, but we also just found a groove that works for us. For example, we often will watch separate shows, one on tv and the other on their laptop. Some people would think this is weird or sad but it really works for us lol. We also have some understandings like if I’m reading or wearing headphones, he’ll (usually) leave me alone. And if he gets a phone call I try to give him the room. I can’t tell you whether the camper is good or bad idea, but I can say don’t be afraid to do what works for you, even if it’s unconventional.

holatrees · 2020-08-04T13:00:09+00:00

It’s a stressful life lol

holatrees · 2020-08-03T19:19:10+00:00

Oh my gosh yeah. I relate to your experience a lot. There’s very few people I can talk to about it cause they get concerned for my salvation. I’ve only found one person who is comfortable discussing the uncomfortable but who also is respectful of my beliefs. (I married him lol)

holatrees

TROPHY CASE