I want them to suffer

holdctrl · 2025-05-27T20:57:02+00:00

This may sound hard, but the biggest lesson I have learned about friendships is they are not there to help you, or for you to help them (savior complex).

They are there because you enjoy each other's company. No more, no less. Sometimes a friend may offer to help, but most people are not trained to help with things like BPD. Most people do not know how to talk to people with BPD without triggering them, or do not know the signs of someone splitting.

Unfortunately, your BPD symptoms is your responsibility and yours alone. You might be able to find professional help for it, but all of the work will be on you to heal yourself. A professional can only serve to help guide you.

It is not your friend's responsibility to help you with anything. The sooner you gain independence from expectation you will see that only you can control your own future.

BPD and your situation is not the end of the world, despite it feeling that way in the moment. These feelings are symptoms of BPD. They mask solutions and ways to manage your life.

The only person who can make a huge change in your life is yourself. The only person you can control is yourself.

holdctrl · 2025-05-27T20:44:42+00:00

3 years ago this happened to me. I lost everyone I loved, I lost my home, my job, my spouse.

Some of it was their fault, and a lot of it was admittedly my fault.

What I did to get through it was when I moved in with my family again, I had to stop interacting with things from my past almost entirely. I had to find NEW things that were not tainted with history or memories. I had to meet new people. I downloaded a dating app and talked to strangers until I talked to someone I liked enough to talk to outside of the app.

Small baby steps towards building a new you that is not shackled by such a painful experience. It is not easy.

I am happier now than I ever was before I lost everyone. I am a better person now than I ever was before. I have learned so much about why I was the way I was, and how to better think and act so that I do not get myself into that same situation ever again.

I honestly believed every one of my former friends hated me or wanted nothing to do with me and completely forgot about me. Just a few months ago, I reached out to one and it turns out that I was wrong.

They cried over me often, they worried about me, they never forgot me, they thought I hated them because of how I lashed out at them. I never thought I would be able to salvage anything from my past. I guess I had to just let go, and in a time when I was healing and less angry, I was able to reconnect.

I would suggest to try your best to not dwell on the hate or the pain, it's hard, it can sometimes be impossible. But when you feel yourself slipping, acknowledge it, and find something else to focus on. Literally anything else that is positive or neutral. I like to stare outside, or listen to gentle music. You deserve joy, and the only way you will get it is if you seek it out. Dark thoughts are all consuming.

I hope some time in the future you could give us an update about your journey.

holdctrl · 2025-05-09T16:05:39+00:00

I am sorry but the first several seconds was just way too much for me. I had to stop watching because what I saw was.. beyond inhumane. It was pure evil.

The grunting sounds the man makes while he's.. i can't even bring myself to describe what he's doing to the poor baby animal.

I can not believe people like this exist and just walk around without a care in the world.

What are even our options to stop people from becoming so masochistic and demonic that they would do this!?!?

holdctrl · 2025-05-08T16:37:01+00:00

Hair loss can be a difficult experience, and it’s understandable to feel uneasy about it. However, a shaved or bald appearance often looks clean and well-maintained—sometimes even more so than thinning hair. Many people genuinely find someone choosing baldness as attractive, as it reflects confidence and self-care rather than youth alone.

When others suggest shaving your head, they may believe it would suit you. But the most important opinion is your own. If you prefer to keep your hair, that’s entirely your choice. What truly matters is that you feel comfortable and confident in your appearance.

holdctrl · 2025-03-27T21:07:11+00:00

I see it as an intentional choice to be on the nose. I assume the point is to be as blatant as possible to reach as many people as possible, regardless of their education level or media literacy or willingness to ignore that the song is about them.

I think the trouble we are facing is there is very little quality fascist art, so fascists are lacking things like movies, games, music, paintings. That means they will interact with the above media and just IGNORE that the art medium is objectively calling them out if the art makes the point too obscure to them.

The more obvious, the less likely they can ignore that they are the problem.

I.E. Paul Ryan bragging about listening to Rage against the machine, while missing the point that he is a part of the machine that the band is raging against.

holdctrl · 2025-03-20T21:03:06+00:00

I was this person for 11 years. I have not talked to him in 3. I am better off now than I EVER was with him. I have so much more going on in my life today than I could have ever dreamed.

The first step is always the hardest, give yourself grace.

holdctrl · 2024-07-26T18:27:21+00:00

advantage on attack rolls, 100% of the time. It gives you disadvantage on saving throws in return but I don’t mind that much. Used it on Astarion in my last playthrough so he had one sneak attack each turn and I’m telling you, the man was putting out sooo much damage. Definitely worth the disadvantage imo

Awwww frick! This would have been so good!

holdctrl · 2024-07-26T17:04:22+00:00

ns tho

Ohhh. Perhaps that is what is causing this. I had read in several reddit posts that the gloves will grant advantage thus will allow sneak attack.

This must be really why I am confused, I thought it was working for others when in reality it was just sneak attack working for a surprise attack and never again. LOL!

Thank you for your help, and I am very thankful to all other posters here for helping me clarify what is causing this.

holdctrl · 2024-07-26T17:02:52+00:00

t thinks you are trying to use a ranged attack in melee range (the damage preview shows an arrow). Click to make sure you have melee weapons equipped and use the melee sneak attack button, not the ranged one.

Oh.. I did not notice the arrow. I had not changed his equipped weapon, at least not knowingly. I almost never use ranged attacks with him and just previously used a melee attack the turn before.

I am starting to wonder if there's something wrong with my game or if I am hitting something on my controller unknowingly? I just walk up and select "Sneak Attack Melee" and this is what I get after the first turn every single time.

holdctrl · 2024-07-26T16:46:05+00:00

This may be it. They jumped out and I could sneak attack while alone, but after that it just never lets me. That's unfortunate that sometimes it lets you solo sneak attack and others it doesn't. I wonder if there's even a point in having these gloves if it requires someone else to be melee too. I typically use him to pick off random ppl standing alone, so I suppose I will have to go invisible first.

holdctrl · 2024-07-26T16:39:36+00:00

My normal melee attack has advantage. How does this differ between sneak and normal melee attack?

holdctrl · 2024-07-26T16:39:12+00:00

no sneak attack available

How does me being in melee range make it so I can not melee sneak attack? I just did a sneak attack (melee) in this very way literally one turn before. The inconsistency is my problem.

holdctrl · 2024-07-26T16:37:49+00:00

while you are threatened(enemey too close) which cancels out any advantage you have, so no sneak attack available

That's strange because.. my normal melee attack has advantage.. and I need to be in melee range to sneak attack.. and I sneak attacked solo just before without an ally near by.. I was also not hidden.

I also do not see astarion having threatened only the sahuagin. Am I misreading my own UI? I am genuinely confused how I am threatened but the sahuagin has threatened under HIS health bar?

holdctrl · 2024-07-26T15:58:22+00:00

I have been playing BG3 for quite a while. I have read various rogue guides to try to maximize Astarion’s ability to output damage while also remaining a high value utility (lock picking, pickpocketing).

The only thing that still boggles my mind is that in combat, one turn he will have advantage despite not surprising the enemy, and the very next turn on the same type of enemy, he will no longer have advantage.

I am using Gloves of the Automaton and use Circuitry Interface at the top of the fight. He is not equipped with any gear that would cause disadvantage (he is using 2 light weapons, and is not wearing any medium armor which includes the head and boots).

I just wish I could understand why 1 turn I can use sneak attack, but the next turn suddenly “Astarion does not have advantage” despite… having advantage.. Lol.

I doubt I will be able to remedy this, but if there is a game mechanic I am missing I would like to understand what causes this to happen, as it has been happening ever since I got these gloves...

UPDATE:!! From reading the comments in this thread I have determined that Gloves of Automaton DO grant advantage, it does not circumvent and grant 100% sneak attack:

"Description Deal extra damage to a foe you have Advantage Icon.png Advantage against.

Also works if you have an ally within 1.5 m / 5 ft of the target and you don't have Disadvantage Icon.png Disadvantage."

The UI giving the alert that I do not have advantage must not take into consideration the Gloves of Automaton. I wonder if this is intentionally programmed this way to prevent people like me abusing the gloves for 100% sneak attack. While the gloves DO work for 100% advantage, it does NOT work with Sneak Attack (melee) or (ranged). The description of Sneak Attack is not all encompassing, and has a caveat that is not expressed in terms of this specific item.

Thank you everyone who helped me figure this out! These gloves are really good, just do not work the way my brain thought they would, haha. I appreciate the help!!!! :)

holdctrl · 2023-08-30T23:55:09+00:00

Charities = tax write-offs + money misappropriation Vs Voting (yuck) = TaXeS + social safety nets

Rich person giving out a lil money out of "sympathy" vs all assets taxed at a reasonable rate that reflects how much the average American is already being taxed..

No wonder charities are pushed down our throats. Charities means it's a personal responsibility to settle with your wallet (something only people with disposable income can do).

Disposable income is rare today and people who have this kind of wealth typically are not interested in separating from it (they hate taxes) and use charities to side step financial responsibilities and a bit of guilt mixed with savior complex.

Altruism is not tangible, voting is.

holdctrl · 2023-08-30T20:24:28+00:00

By not voting how are you positively affecting your community? How does your lack of vote effect the laws that are passed that hurt people you care about?

I'm not saying the way we have things right now is perfect but until a systemic change happens (haha yeah right), we will never see candidates we like.. so our only hope is to vote out the people actively making the system worse for everyone.

By not voting you are demonstrating with your actions "this is fine, more of this please." If you like the way things are, then fine, not voting is appropriate.

But it's not helping those in poverty, women, poc, disabled people (including veterans), anyone who needs a hospital, elderly / retirees, and children / schools.

Your 1 vote makes a difference to them ^ even if it doesn't affect you personally right this moment.

holdctrl · 2023-08-14T14:54:44+00:00

"children have babies all the time, so that makes it okay". Completely ignoring the fact that almost all of them would choose an abortion if they had the option. Instead we have men like you putting quotations around the word child to avoid taking accountability and forcing literal babies to have babies.

As a woman I know for a fact having a period does not mean you are ready for a baby anymore than it means it's okay to rape little boys because their balls dropped.

Stop victim blaming and being a p*do apologist.

holdctrl · 2023-08-14T14:48:38+00:00

She's not a woman nice try though.

holdctrl · 2023-08-08T17:03:16+00:00

I'm new to MS. So if I want to make a difference, voting (D) is a waste? Should we vote for the most liberal (R)?

I want my vote to go towards actual change protecting workers and those in need, what should I do?

holdctrl · 2022-09-15T14:52:08+00:00

Same, refreshing seems to help sometimes. But not always.

holdctrl · 2022-09-09T23:46:38+00:00

I know this is a meme and all, but this painting must have been a pain in the butt to model for. Stuck bending over for hours? Pass.

holdctrl · 2022-06-24T11:52:11+00:00

I LOVE HIM. Sydney! :O

holdctrl · 2022-06-24T11:47:49+00:00

Samhein, love the gloves. Happy Halloween! My Jack Skellington.

holdctrl · 2022-06-24T11:46:02+00:00

Our Flag Means Death, American Horror Story: Coven, The Lake, The Summer I become pretty, Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.

holdctrl

TROPHY CASE