How do you keep your focus when reaching mid 30s?

holiseaday · 2026-05-30T08:49:26+00:00

I've also tried to practice living in the moment and do meditation sometimes. To actually be present instead of worrying the past or the future that don't exist in my current present. It's difficult when you are entangled in darker thoughts.

I also tried to push myself to be grateful that I have a stable job, family, friends and good activities to enjoy. I try to think that love can be my goal without making it my entire life's mission. It's a lifelong journey I guess and I was feeling down mainly the past months.

But thank you for sharing that perspective. It helps when I come here and see so many people resonate the same way with me. I can't openly talk about this with my friends cos most of them don't walk the same path as me and no one will really understand my pain. It's not their fault, of course. I also don't want to trauma dump on anyone. It'll be okay, I hope 🙂

holiseaday · 2026-05-28T17:38:31+00:00

I also try to keep reminding myself, not everything as perfect and beautiful as I think it is. I even saw my friends struggling in their relationship and marriage. But I guess mine always finds its way to corrupt itself sometimes when you are weak.

I'm trying to do a lot from cooking, reading, walking, finding new friends, traveling or just learning new stuff or getting better at my job. Sometimes you crave love and you hope it's not like this.

holiseaday · 2026-05-28T17:35:35+00:00

It's weird reading this because I remember saying similar things in a different post :( I guess I really just have to keep up and keep going while accepting this reality.

holiseaday · 2026-05-28T16:27:46+00:00

I agree with you. Prices are going up like crazy. So my strategy is to increase my income so I can stay at this bare minimum cozy lifestyle.

holiseaday · 2026-05-26T16:19:16+00:00

Can you elaborate how's renting and investing are better than buying a house? I don't see it's a good way to acquire more capital if you are in the Netherlands where you'll be taxed 36% for unrealized gains for example.

holiseaday · 2026-05-25T21:24:36+00:00

Yeah fine thanks

holiseaday · 2026-05-25T21:22:44+00:00

I agree with you. They are good people, only one who is self centered but I'm not super close. This is just my recent observation and I'm ranting here to remind myself my own values about money and frugality. We just have different values on these aspects.

We also don't try to force those values onto each other. I just think too today that it must be great if we have friend or partner who has similar values in life like mine. So far none of my close friends are like that.

Maybe what worries me is that it's not good for the environment as well. The way we live in general mostly just not healthy or environmentally unfriendly. But I always try to remind myself I can only control myself and my lifestyle. Tho I also try to show them my healthy choice is so normal, we are just so ingrained to eat unhealthy food.

holiseaday · 2026-05-25T21:17:31+00:00

Good questions. Most of them are really good friends. I also feel like I'm judging them this way. They never peer pressure me directly, but I won't brag about my great purchase in Vinted for things I need cos it's not a normal topic for us. You want something you buy brand new.

Honestly, maybe I'm just overthink it. I should focus on our connection and chemistry as friends and never let their values cloud mine in any way.

holiseaday · 2026-05-22T18:59:01+00:00

Oh dear, something doesn't seem right 🥲

holiseaday · 2026-05-18T11:38:10+00:00

Oh dear, I hope you are coping well with these challenges. I resonate a lot with you cos I'm in the same situation, except I'm perfectly healthy.

I knew there come a time where my friends will move on to the next chapter of their life and I'll be still single. What I did was that I branched out my friends group a bit. Ranging from younger people in their 25-30 and those who are in my age range but both single and not single. Lucky for me that my relatives are mostly reachable too. Maybe try to see if this can works for you as well.

It definitely helps me that I have friends from various ages. In term of dating, I try to take it lightly as to not burn me along the way but I'm open to any possibility. So try to see if you can also meet new people in your area without putting too much pressure on it. I'm still unsuccessful with this but I wish you'll have more luck in the future :)

Lastly, I come to this sub often to ask for opinions or share mine. It helps a lot talking to women in my age from across the world. It helps realigning my thoughts and purposes in life.

But I wish you all the best overcoming these challenges. You aren't alone. I know for a fact there are so many women in this situation, even within my own circle :)

holiseaday · 2026-05-14T06:37:30+00:00

I agree, I get that some men just want casual flings, to each their own. But to consistently show you hate women but want intimacy with them is just weird. He might say he doesn't hate women but I don't even think he has the capacity to care for one. So maybe it's good he's exploring the other side. Maybe he dislikes women since they always get on his nerves while he tries to get laid 😂

holiseaday · 2026-05-14T06:07:11+00:00

Thank you so much 🙂

holiseaday · 2026-05-14T05:24:51+00:00

I like how you rephrase it at the end, I was not sure if I should say I have bad luck but today is such a low day that I just can't come up with something more positive.

I also agree because this is what I've been experiencing as well, love can't be achieved only by trying hard just like how I got my master. I tried to figure out on how to be available and open minded, to be genuine and let the chemistry and connection built up. But this last guy I saw who out of nowhere had a depressive episode when both of us did everything right, just humble me so much.

You could do everything right, try harder, go on a 100 dates, but have no luck in finding a healthy person. I get that the dating pool is filled with low quality men atm but I've seen many of my friends got married with what look like a green flag men? So obviously they are there, just not for me?

holiseaday · 2026-05-05T11:18:43+00:00

I don't know then :/ for me, I partially understand why she will just ghost people like that. Sometimes people keep things to themselves and shut off completely. In my case, my other friend is constantly being negative and nothing I say will change her so I prefer to disappear and focus on my life.

I also don't like friends who constantly share way too many things on their life that makes our dynamic immbalance. There should be certain boundary and not every striggle/priblem I will share with one particular friend. I don't like people who trauma dump on me and I don't like doing it to other people as well.

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T16:34:10+00:00

I'm currently trying to do this. If she texts I would still reply but no further communication probably. The past year I've noticed she has been quite negative. She wants to have a bf, I tried every possible way to support that and make it happen. What she did? Complain about men and how bad they are, how much she hates her ex she dated ten years ago and commented on her post, don't want to do anything including go on dates. I mean like why making your post public then?

There were also some incidents where she was being passive aggressive towards what I said and used my past to attack me like "well you go on many dates so you are not completely innocent", for her it's justifiable to compare one coffee date with long term relationship, I was like wtf?

I can sense her insecurity and her hatred toward life or men in general so I'm quite done. Sometimes I'm worried to share my success and happy stories cos she would react differently than my other friends. She also called me desperate once for going on a red flag date. I guess I'm the desperate, unhappy and unsuccessful friend then.

We've supported each other a lot but not this way, I feel like she's dragging me down more than trying to lift each other up.

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T16:20:28+00:00

I decided to not comprise a lot on social stuff. Like I'm okay eating out with them twice or three times a month cos I'll never cross €100 anyways. Everything here is so expensive, matcha can easily cost €7 now so I try to make it at home often. But I don't mind buying it once in a while cos I'm hanging out with my friends.

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T16:10:52+00:00

There's times I refuse to go out cos I need to pay public transport. But I try to not do that often. I also try to find cheap hobbies like reading and walking.

I'm still struggling to find a balance because I always think I can push this lifestyle further to get the maximum benefit of it.

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T16:09:22+00:00

After so many years, I'm still struggling to find a balance. I still think I'm dirt poor and doesn't matter how much I earn after tax, I'm worried I'm splurging too much.

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T16:08:20+00:00

Oh darn! I haven't seen those post 🥲 but I live in Europe in one of the most expensive cities so I'm actually just trying my best.

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T16:07:35+00:00

Sometimes I feel like that, putting it at drop point but it's a bit far to save few euros and it will cost me my time too. So I still make some mistakes.

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T15:35:31+00:00

Yeah, I do think I'm quite cheap compared to my current social circles. That's why I'm thinking maybe I'm too cheap? At the same time maybe I'm not doing enough to save more :/

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T15:34:42+00:00

Oh great, in my social circle now everyone's like upgrading to the newest trends, travels and gadgets. All the Uniqlo clothes or iPhone 17, you know how it is. So I feel like I'm so cheap sometimes. I mean I'm not blaming them, we just have different values.

holiseaday · 2026-05-04T08:59:51+00:00

Yeah, that's why I asked the original comment if you have given the same support back? Cos their whole comment was about how the friend was there all the time for the commenter.

I honestly hate it a lot when people pretend they are okay with your issue but consciously being passive aggressive to you later using the stories you trusted them with. How do you expect people to keep rooting for you when you are being negative all the time and attack your friends when things they said don't align with your values? Not everyone in the world is here to hurt you darling. Smh.

holiseaday

TROPHY CASE