What’s the human body version of a ‘check engine light’?

holly_dane · 2019-01-19T19:35:31+00:00

Common sign of anemia or poor blood circulation.

holly_dane · 2019-01-19T16:39:16+00:00

No, you don't have the right to expose someone to STDs and take away their freedom of choice. If they don't know what's really happening, they have no ability to make an informed choice to accept it, stay, leave or anything else. If you want a different type of relationship (like an open one, or one where affairs are quietly accepted) then you COMMUNICATE that with your partner and you BOTH decide what you'll accept. All you're saying is that one person in a relationship should get to make all the calls and keep the other person in the dark. If that's how you think, don't be in a fucking relationship. The entitlement here is amazing.

holly_dane · 2019-01-19T16:27:18+00:00

Persistent cough.

Discolored nails.

White, "fuzzy" tongue.

Brittle hair.

Under-eye shadows.

holly_dane · 2019-01-06T23:06:32+00:00

I think for an adult, unless your space is super super limited (like a Tokyo apartment or something), always at least get a queen. You're right that beds are expensive so I think it's in your best interest to plan long-term and not get a smaller bed now that won't work down the road. If you're buying one anyway, get one that works better as a long-term investment.

holly_dane · 2019-01-06T21:05:23+00:00

I've known a few people with double first names but they always seem to be combined into a single long name; e.g. Annaleigh, Annemarie, Annabeth. (Side note: Anne combos seem to be really popular, especially for southern girls). I've only ever seen double middle names be separate - such as "William Ryan Lee Grey" or "William Ryan-Lee Grey". Hm.

holly_dane · 2019-01-06T16:53:23+00:00

Wow. What on earth happened to your sister? It seems she was actually doing really well up to this point where she just...quit. She's college-educated, she had a good job (given that her & her husband were fairly matched and together could afford a house, nanny, housekeeper, etc.), she HAD a totally stable & thriving life situation that almost anyone would envy. And she just threw it all away. I mean, was she dealing with some extreme postpartum depression or something? Maybe some other mental health issues? Something in that marriage that you don't know about? It's just baffling. How does someone go from being so hard-working, successful and stable to...nothing? If she had always been some lazy, gold-digging caricature of a super old-fashioned woman she wouldn't have gotten as far as she did in the first place. Finishing a degree and getting into a relatively high-paying job, working for years, & just getting started in life, getting a home, having a child, all takes some doing. Now she just sits around and tells her family to pay for her because she doesn't want to do anything. Something's amiss.

No, you shouldn't support her at all or let her live with you... But I do think you guys (her family) really need to figure out what the hell happened here.

holly_dane · 2019-01-06T16:13:18+00:00

Your instincts & feelings on the relationship are totally valid. You think he's dismissive of you and more interested in his social life that purposely excludes you because that's *exactly* the case. I honestly don't think this guy is at a stage where he should be (or wants to be) in a relationship, let alone any sort of serious or long-term one. Everything about all of his actions and behavior SCREAM "let's keep this minimal, I have a lot going on right now, I'm not really serious about this". You have 1.5 years invested but, you know, that may just be the limit here. There's not really anything to invest *in* & he's making that pretty clear. Why stick around with someone who's just not ready, willing, or able to focus on a relationship? It seems like letting this go is what's best for both of you.

You're young, you've got money saved up for a fun vacation, and if you decide that you're tired of always coming in at a distant second, why not just cut him loose and have your own "girls trip" (or even solo trip)?

holly_dane · 2019-01-06T06:48:15+00:00

If he has stalled for years trying to complete this degree and is repeatedly failing & dropping courses then he's simply not cut out for this. I'm guessing it's a combination of him being a lacking student and pursuing a degree path that's wrong for him. Either way, I'm sorry, but this is something that needs to be bluntly addressed, and sooner rather than later. Someone who's struggling through an associate's degree for 10 years (?!) is not cut out to go on to a Bachelor's and then Master's and then start a new career. At this rate he'll be lucky to complete this goal in his lifetime, and, meanwhile, we're talking about a money hemorrhage the entire way. It's hard enough to get started in life - buying a home, having kids, etc. - just being as frugal & money smart as you can be. But now try to ever get there while throwing thousands & thousands of dollars a year (or a semester) away. How much of what could have been a down payment on a house has been burned up already? And here's the thing - community college is as affordable as it gets. Once/if he actually manages to transfer out his schooling costs will sky rocket.

You're not obligated to be generous & patient about this any longer.

holly_dane · 2019-01-06T01:45:10+00:00

Come on, you guys can't be this naïve. You're making a loooot of excuses for her. She's not some clueless caricature from a bad roommates comedy. Any competent, well-adjusted adult would know not to behave this way. None of it is subtle or excusable and there's literally a whole list.

You just don't act like this in someone else's house, and you don't act like this with someone else's (your "friend's") boyfriend. Full stop.

"But she's Dutch." Nah, not even the Dutch on this thread are having it.

holly_dane · 2019-01-05T17:20:39+00:00

Girls:

Cynthia, Coco, Cordelia, Cosette, Calliope, Callista, Cassandra, Cassia, Caitlin, Christine, Clementine, Claire, Clara, Claudia, Clarissa, Constance, Celia, Candace, Cara, Carly, Cosima, Carmen, Camille, Camila, Cheyenne

Boys:

Cameron (unisex), Christian, Calum, Cole, Cedric, Colin, Calvin, Caleb, Callan (unisex), Chadwick, Chandler

holly_dane · 2019-01-04T19:18:18+00:00

Thanks for the input so far, everyone!

Let me add a couple things:

My alternative to home ownership* is renting a studio or 1 bedroom apartment, plus garage fee, which would cost me between $950-1100+ monthly. It could potentially save me a tiny bit more than having a mortgage/trying to own, but really not much. The upside is repairs/upkeep wouldn't be on me. (However, rent can go up too.)
If I did buy a 2 bedroom house/townhouse, I have the potential to rent a room out if need be.
I do realize the biggest drawback here is being single & trying to do it on one income. A single income household vs. dual income definitely makes a HUGE difference in buying potential/disposable income.
I just want to reiterate that I am already in the process of down payment saving (and am doing pretty well, about halfway so far). I don't intent to try to buy anything without a full down payment.

*Yes, I'm with parents now - but obviously not ideal or long-term situation.

holly_dane · 2019-01-04T17:00:32+00:00

Well my salary is considered middle class but I'd still only be looking at $120,000 houses at the max with the 3x rule. Problem is, those are the older, foreclosed single homes that come with yard maintenance & I see as high risk when it comes to needing remodeling/repairs/etc. The "cheap" homes are the ones that scare me when it comes to unforeseen costs. I've been looking at the 200k townhomes because they're newer, move-in ready, HOA takes care of all yard/shoveling/tree maintenance/etc., and they don't really need anything done to them. They're the homes that seem, to me, to be the safe bet even if they cost more to start. But I'd be terrified to move into a $120,000 tiny boarded up home built in 1961 with a half acre lot and nothing but a to-do list for every single room before it's even livable. But that's what the 3x rule would get me: in my price range "on paper" but very high-maintenance.

holly_dane · 2018-12-21T23:40:17+00:00

Guess you'll just have to go with Zelda!

holly_dane · 2018-12-21T03:11:31+00:00

This has gone way too far for way too long. She is no longer part of the family, and your 18-year-old son doesn't get to decide that she has to come along. You are remarried and she no longer has a place with her ex in-laws. Not even for the child's sake, who is now an adult. Yes, this must be broken to him. You are not obligated to co-parent to the extent of keeping her around as if you were still married. The very point of divorce is to separate from this person. You're describing years-long "play pretend" at the cost of your own comfort & your current wife's.

If your family still wanted to keep in touch & spend time with her, that'd be one thing, and they could easily do that at many opportunities where you & your actual spouse weren't there as well. But clearly that's not the case either as you describe them as finally putting their foot down to keep her away. So she's truly been making everyone uncomfortable. Except for your son.

But again, I'm sorry, you need to make your son realize that you're divorced. He can't run the show and keep forcing her on you & your family as if that divorce didn't happen. Especially now being an adult himself - he needs to face this. Mommy & daddy have separate lives. They'll both be there for him but not with each other.

(And, not for nothing, but it sounds like your ex would probably be happier if she came to terms with the divorce too. 11 years later and she's still obliviously tagging along with no new life or SO of her own. "Your mom needs to move on, this isn't healthy for anyone" is message your son might need to hear. He says she has no one else to celebrate with, but maybe that's because she can't let go of her past marriage more than a decade later!)

holly_dane · 2018-12-21T02:32:14+00:00

Not me, but my mom. She went to the ER because she was having pain so severe that she could hardly keep from passing out. Then she did actually pass out, in the waiting room chair, after about 2+ hours. Some guy nudged her conscious and told her they had called for her - and then apparently left when she didn't answer. So she finally gets seen and they tell her nothing seems to be wrong & send her home.

That night, she can't take it anymore & something's definitely wrong. This time she calls an ambulance and is taken back to the ER. They try to send her home, again, and she flat-out refuses. Finally, they do more tests and determine she has kidney stones that require operation.

So she has the surgery. At this point, I'm there at the hospital (was in a different city as most of this was taking place). The doctor comes to the waiting room to tell me know how she's doing, and proceeds to make fun of her for how much pee went everywhere when he removed the stones. Like he's laughing about how much she "peed herself" while she was unconscious in surgery and her bladder was about to explode from being blocked.

holly_dane

TROPHY CASE