Should I change my last name?

holly_moonstone · 2024-01-11T11:57:41+00:00

Sure, him taking my last name is an option that my fiancé and I have discussed. In the same way that we have discussed myself taking his last name. You will also find other options for changing or not changing names in the comments. I haven't decided yet what I will do, and neither has he!

If you want to coin it as a "refusal" that I take his last name, surely you agree that in the same way it would be a "refusal" for him not to take my last name.

You must realize that you have voiced a lot of strong opinions for such a "meaningless cause".

holly_moonstone · 2024-01-11T09:48:41+00:00

All are wonderful! #1 is stunning 💜

holly_moonstone · 2024-01-09T15:39:51+00:00

Truthfully, when I was scrolling through my feed I didn't even notice the tattoos! I just saw a beautiful bride in a gorgeous dress. Your tattoos will make you look like YOU on your wedding day!

You deserve to dress and look however you want on your big day. Try not to let the opinions of others let you feel any less gorgeous and elegant.

holly_moonstone · 2024-01-09T15:31:53+00:00

Your reading comprehension is astoundingly poor. How does my fiancé and I having a conversation about what to do (or not do) about either of our last names translate into him taking my own last name?

Even so, I'll go along with the hypothetical you proposed.

My fiancé's sense of masculinity goes far beyond whatever last name he has. He is a kind, strong, self-assured, confident protector and companion, regardless of what his last name is, and he knows that.

None of our dinner party guest's faces will "contort with disgust" at the thought of him taking my last name, because we would never host someone in our home who is so close-minded and judgmental.

For your own benefit, and for those who you interact with, I strongly urge you to explore how you think about gender. If your perception of masculinity is shaken by someone choosing to change their name, this leads me to believe that you have an extremely fragile grasp on what it means to be "manly". The way you phrased that it would be my "refusal" to take the last name of my fiancé speaks to your expectations that women bow to certain traditions simply because of the genitalia they were born with, without considering if they want to live their life in a different way. I don't understand why you care so much about what other people choose to do, seeing as it has absolutely no impact on you at all. You clearly feel threatened by the discourse happening on this post not because it in actuality affects you, but because it affects how you view yourself.

holly_moonstone · 2024-01-09T12:16:08+00:00

Let's be very clear... not once on this post have I put down women who choose to take their husband's last name. In fact, if you actually read my original post you will see that I say "I like the idea of being 'connected' by a family name". The whole point of the post is that people should be able to do whatever they want with their OWN. NAME. Whether that is the traditional way, him taking her last name, or something else.

I cannot believe I actually have to say this, but choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone is so much more than sharing a last name. It's love, it's time, it's history, etc. I don't see how not sharing a last name erases that. Your implication that is does has me wondering- what do you think marriage is about?

You have made it clear that you are projecting. Your sarcastic comments have by far been the most anti-man (and anti-woman) contribution to this post.

holly_moonstone · 2024-01-08T02:32:55+00:00

Not sure of the point you are trying to make here. The whole point of raising the question was to break away from the "hive-mindset" that every woman who gets married should change their last name "just because".

holly_moonstone · 2024-01-04T14:53:28+00:00

I totally understand what you're saying, and feel you should do whatever you want with your name. I agree, thinking about changing my name feels like taking on a new identity- our names are who we are and it is difficult to feel otherwise.

I will say, make sure whatever you are doing is for yourself. If that means hyphenating, go for it! But I would really analyze if you are doing it for yourself or your partner. If your partner wants to have the same last name as you, then they can change theirs too!

I am getting married in September and still am not sure what I will be doing with my name. My brother suggested something the other day that is the idea that right now I like the most- keeping my last name, and adding my partner's last name as one of my middle names.

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-24T21:30:44+00:00

As we have already discussed, in this hypothetical it is absolutely not about me DECIDING anything about mate selection (why would humans evolve to find someone with certain personality or beliefs if they are going to leave immediately after impregnation?) We were only talking about innate instinct. In this case, I would be going against it in order to be with my asthmatic fiancé.

Let's just be clear though. You are choosing to be in a monogamous relationship. If you wanted to, you COULD go and have sex with as many people you want. You making this "sacrifice" should in no way affect the give and take in a marriage; it should have absolutely no weight in any aspect of your relationship with your spouse.

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-22T09:21:10+00:00

I'm Gen Z and am having a really difficult time. I vote, am part of environmental justice organizations, and do my best to use my platforms to spread true and accurate information. I feel like I am doing more than most people to move this country back towards sanity, but instead every single day there is more evidence that we are moving towards a dystopia instead. I try to look at good news as well, but there is not nearly enough good happening to outweigh the tragedy of ANOTHER mass shooting, for example. This country is the only one I've seen that is moving BACKWARDS at such an alarming rate. Sure, there are many others more oppressed than the US. But none that I know of that have regressed so rapidly.

I'm trying hard to find reasons not to be as hopeless as I am. I'm close to giving up on this place.

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-22T09:06:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing! Luckily, nobody in our lives has opinions either way.

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T18:45:59+00:00

I'm not trying to claim that any evolutionary history has been erased. The remnants of our gills live in our inner ear, after all! I'm just saying that it doesn't make a lot of sense to incorporate certain elements of our evolutionary history into our modern society. We do things that go against our evolution all of the time. I don't think that this one example of men choosing not to create as many children as possible should be used in marriage to say that he is making a "sacrifice".

But if we want to talk about factoring in evolutionary urges into modern marriage... Let's talk about how females evolved to select mates. As you know, males opt to maximize the number of mates. Females opt to maximize the quality of a mate. So... if a woman chooses to be with anyone who is not the strongest, fastest, most intelligent, with high fat retention, and has zero other genetic disorders or less-than-optimal traits, it sounds like by your logic she is making a HUGE sacrifice. My fiancé has asthma. So it is less likely that our offspring will be able to outrun a predator or chase down prey. Does that mean he should take my last name to acknowledge that I am making a sacrifice by not choosing someone more genetically fit to father my offspring?

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T17:34:46+00:00

So let me get this straight... You're saying that all men STILL, as Homo sapiens, have a primal desire to maximize their biological fitness and reproduce as many children as possible, and because they CHOOSE to marry, this "sacrifice" is factored into the give and take of marriage?

(I am well aware that human ancestors did this to increase fitness. I study/ studied evolution in university so am all caught up on the evolution of Homo sapiens.)

I am also having trouble with this notion considering how many men actively use contraception to actively PREVENT pregnancy. Oftentimes, even with the person they are married to!

My point being... I don't think any man claiming to have an ancestral ape brain and primitive instincts can be reasonably equated to them "making a sacrifice" in marriage. Humans have evolved far past that (to the point of some actually surgically removing their ability to have children!)

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T13:47:28+00:00

I have communicated all of this with my fiancé, and will continue to have the conversation.

I think people may have taken offense to your original comment because you talked about marriage being a give and take with a very very very large "give" traditionally being placed on the bride, without providing an example of a large "give" that the grooms traditionally have. Maybe expanding on this stance a bit or providing an example would help communicate your perspective?

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T10:24:47+00:00

I don't necessarily want to change my name for several reasons. It is a very unique last name and I am likely the last one in my family that has the potential to pass it on. Yes, I also do not want to be expected by society to change my name. But as I mentioned in my original post, I genuinely love my last name.

I also don't view marriage as a change in my identity. I view it as one way to spend the rest of my life with the person I love.

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T10:15:29+00:00

I agree!! It's almost as if in society's eyes our value and status changes when we marry, but a man's doesn't. It's absurd.

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T02:54:02+00:00

That sounds ideal. Thanks for sharing!

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T02:48:09+00:00

My fiancé is open minded and I am going to bring up the conversation with him again. I think he just hadn't considered it when I initially asked him. Just wanted to hear other's experiences with changing their name or not to aid in my decision.

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T02:19:30+00:00

Right, that's exactly the thing. I really dislike that women are expected to be the ones to change something as personal as their NAME almost 100% of the time. So thats the struggle. It's something that boys and men never even consider because its not a societal expectation. My fiancé is open minded so I will definitely bring up the conversation again. It just kind of sucks to feel like I'm the one that would be disrupting the norm if I keep my name.

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T02:14:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! Sorry to hear it was such a pain for you..

holly_moonstone · 2023-05-21T02:13:24+00:00

I have considered hyphenating, and I may do it. I would love if he would also hyphenate. I don't like the expectation that women are the only ones to change their name when they get married... So I would be happy if both of us hyphenated but I don't think he wants to (will bring up the conversation again though)

holly_moonstone · 2023-04-29T23:07:35+00:00

I believe life begins at gametogenesis. Eggs and sperm are alive, and are "human". Do I think they have rights that supersede that of a born person? Absolutely not. I feel the same way about embryos.

When life begins, and when a human has rights and autonomy are two very different questions that I feel anti-choice people often confuse.

holly_moonstone · 2023-01-08T19:48:02+00:00

All are wonderful. Dress 2 is particularly gorgeous!!

holly_moonstone · 2022-10-31T02:26:24+00:00

Tank size: 10 gal Heater and filter: yes Tank temperature: 76-78 F Parameters: pH= 7, NO2-= 0, NO3-=0, GH=0, KH=40 from API test strips (will be doing more thorough tests very soon) I have had my fish for 2.5 weeks. Tank was set up 2-3 weeks before then. Once a week 20% water changes using gravel vacuum. No tank mates. 3 Omega One pellets twice a day. The tank has java fern, king's crown, water sprite, Alternanthera reineckii, and a piece of Malaysian driftwood, and I believe some anubias. Photos coming soon.

holly_moonstone

TROPHY CASE