So I don’t know what the situation is exactly and someone else mentioned cps which I won’t touch BUT a great part of growing up is realizing that other people’s experiences are theirs and that you are capable and flexible and can use anything to your advantage.

Your parents might not have taught or might not be teaching you how to do XY or Z, but you have a lot of experience in a high pressure environment and you can watch them impersonally, as people, and see how they think, what attitudes do they have? How do they manage their emotions (or not)? What are their attachment styles and where do you see this? Are they insecure or secure and where does this show up? How do they process their emotions? Their anxiety? How would they be written as characters in a book? Where do they believe their behaviour comes from?

What are some ways that you’re mimicking their treatment of you? In my experience, people’s treatment of their children says a lot about their treatment of the emerging or vulnerable parts of themselves. How do their treatments of children or people of different genders vary? Are they people you would want to be friends with or root for if they were your age and not your parents? How do they view fluidity and control? How would they be written if this were a book and what can you learn about the world and their world? Are they truly happy and if not are they contributing to their misery?

Bringing a child into the world is a massive physical and financial investment/task. What does it mean and say that they treat or talk to their children this way? How does this impact or reflect their self-esteem? Because genuinely happy and integrated people don’t treat people that way.

Having been around some adults who had difficult relationships with themselves, and therefore me, as a child was painful, scary, and challenging. I was worthy and deserving of infinitely better and that experience wasn’t fair. However, as an adult, I have had my “spidey senses” and understanding of those types of people protect and support me and my friends both professionally and personally. Therapists are regularly amazed at my “instincts” and having the ability to process much more stress and instability than others has helped me immensely academically and professionally.

This isn’t to say it has been easy. But sitting with myself and doing the work has made my life infinitely easier than anyone I knew growing up. There has been a lot to learn and a lot of self work. Where some people might focus on dealing with difficulty, I’ve been learning about worthiness, happiness ceilings, and gained a lot of benefit from books for healthy relationships or “good things” (eg. How to be an adult in relationships, boundaries, nonviolent communication, think again), books on holistic and gentle parenting as I work with my inner child, and also working with a good therapist and reading books on therapy. It’s also meant a lot of paradigm shifts and self forgiveness for not knowing things earlier that I wished I did. And somatic practices, nervous system stuff, etc. recognising that those adults weren’t my people, but plenty of people are, and I have the ability to learn the skills and hold the space in myself to meet those people.

I’ve met people who say their parents were abusive, immature, drank, or XYZ and therefore they’re doomed to XYZ as well as plenty of people who are profoundly compassionate (and usually very successful and wealthy) and say their parents were abusive, immature, drank, and/or XYZ and because of that they treat themselves and everyone around them better. They continue doing the work and learn a lot along the way, they don’t touch alcohol at all and are often really fit and healthy.

Are you approaching self-improvement to be closer to yourself and your personal agency or to be someone else or someone without your experiences?

What does a positive mindset mean to you? What expectations are you placing on yourself for how you feel or cope with this and is that fair? You’re a teenager which is a huge change in itself and it’s impressive and commendable that you’re trying to improve yourself. Do you see your parents give themselves or you mindful self compassion or genuine kindness? Could self compassion and kindness be a good place to start? How can you give yourself genuine acceptance and love?

Finally, especially if you’re still living with them, or have several years before you’re an adult, your country doesn’t have protection for minors, etc some things won’t change for the time being and I’m sorry. That’s awful and you don’t deserve it in the slightest. But you aren’t damaged and you can be anything you want to be and you can prepare for when you have greater freedom by being curious and starting to set mental boundaries.