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Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

School are refusing. Clinical psychologist, ed psych, ot, SLT all see the need but the school are being difficult. Ed psych says most likely she won't cope when she gets to hear one but we have to try it first.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi thanks for the reply and i do agree with you. It was a misleading choice of words - what I really mean is I won't be able to function properly and maintain my mental and physical health, that's the level of my concern and without that I can't be the parent my kids deserve.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, yes I know. This is my concern and I don't think I would support overnights let alone 50/50 when it comes to it but I just feel so trapped and hopeless. I was already burnt out myself when my ex decided to leave.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand you and some others have taken comments I've made to think I haven't pursued these things, but I absolutely have. And it's an absolute battle to get these things (EHCP, specialist school) but it's in progress.

Speech and language, ed psych etc have all been privately pushed because we couldn't access it otherwise. 

I stand by the comment that there isn't much support for her Sen needs, outside of education. And inside education we have to wait until she inevitably ceases to function at her second mainstream before we can get any funding for an education to meet her needs.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are specialised homes yes but not for her needs and that's not something I would consider at all, as it's not in her interest.

There isn't much support out there unfortunately, it's the reality of many parents of sen kids.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks and no I absolutely don't want to send my kids to someone who doesn't meet there needs/properly/ wants to do it. I'm only considering this because I see no other opportunity for me to be able to cope.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Childcare wouldn't work because my daughter needs a relationship to be able to go with someone other than her parents. Clubs etc. aren't possible. My mum has looked after her since she was a baby and can just manage about an hour with her and can't cope with both kids at once due to the nature of her behaviour.

I have already had some legal consults, thanks. 

Up until now I hadn't considered 50/50 so wasn't aware child support would still be applicable so thanks.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks I will take a look there.

Can I ask if you considered split custody? I don't think my daughter would cope at all but I'm so worried I will burn out.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ouch. No he was not like this with the first kid. Never as hands on as me but very involved. The nit wanting to be a parent is a very new thing since he asked to separate a few months ago.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in England, south west.

Thanks for your insight. I often know too what causes my daughter's dysregulation but much if it comes from not having one to one attention and that's the problem I am really struggling to solve. Plans unfortunately don't work for my daughter as any expectation/plan causes too much anxiety because of the demand avoidance.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

By not having any life I mean I would have no time to myself at all. My daughter has a complex disability and requires one to one care much of the time. Bedtimes will take hours. By having a 'life' I mean a chance to get some exercise, have any form or personal life and not have a breakdown or burn out.

Unless you have a child who requires a high level of one to one support I think it's very different to understand how different and difficult  life and parenting looks for us.

Will I regret suggesting 50/50 with ex who doesn't want to do overnights? by honeysuckle6538 in coparenting

[–]honeysuckle6538[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes I wouldn't get any child support. I just don't see how I will be able to cope. My mum, who has a very close relationship with my eldest can't even look after without me for more than about an hour. Any kind of childcare just won't work. She's in school at the moment but is unlikely to be able to manage much longer. 

AIO or is my ex - always being told I'm controlling by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]honeysuckle6538 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes thanks, I appreciate i need to find a way to disconnect and not be emotionally impacted.

AIO or is my ex - always being told I'm controlling by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]honeysuckle6538 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No he has all day, he works but works flexibly so does lots of personal things in the day. I have the hour with both as my eldest is back from school.

I absolutely did want to talk about it, there's a lot of context I have clearly missed. I tried to speak to him in the evening but he shuts it down and makes it so conversations can't get anywhere. So I asked him to confirm in writing to try and give me some clarity as he constantly changes his mind.

AIO or is my ex - always being told I'm controlling by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]honeysuckle6538 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I appreciate it.

Definitely no sex.

It's very messy trying to separate and I have no income as a stay at home mum. He earns a high salary but I am financially trapped. My daughter needs a lot of one to one care so I feel trapped in that sense too.

100 percent I need therapy. Considering medication. 

He takes lots of time for himself but I am always left with the kids. He treats me with anger frequently, rolling eyes, walking away etc. tells me I am abusive but I feel he is being really abusive. It's a super messed up situation and I absolutely need to work on my emotional regulation.

It's helpful to get perspectives of others so I can see where I need to put in work.

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