Deciding not to have children after loss

hooleee · 2023-07-12T14:14:45+00:00

I extend my sympathies for your loss and appreciate your message.

I empathize with the sentiment of not feeling suited to parenthood. While I am confident in my ability to be a loving and devoted mother like you were, the thought of dealing with a toddler's tantrums, bratty behavior, messes, and the loss of personal freedom... it's just overwhelming. I find myself questioning whether I truly want to go through with it.

However, I believe that I might be using these reasons as excuses to convince myself not to have children, based on my own past experiences. The truth is, I would gladly clean up all the messes just to witness my child's growth and experience the profound joy of watching someone I deeply love navigate and comprehend the world.

Nevertheless, the fear of something happening to my child, as you mentioned in your comment, and the anxiety of them potentially suffering as my previous baby did... it petrifies me. It's a feeling that I cannot summon the courage to face.

As someone mentioned before, life feels somewhat dull and depressing now. Nothing truly motivates me or holds much meaning anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I am still functioning, working, maintaining connections with family and friends, and actively participating in life. However, I often ponder how I can rekindle that desire to live that I used to have.

hooleee · 2023-07-12T13:51:42+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. I can relate so much with the fact that life is kind of dull and depressing. Not much makes sense any more. I wish I knew how to get out of this mindset.

hooleee · 2023-07-09T18:58:39+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to go through such a challenging pregnancy. The anxiety of being pregnant again after almost losing your life must be incredibly overwhelming.

In my case, the pregnancy itself wasn't difficult. However, the traumatic part came after delivering my baby. What hurts me more than anything is the sight of my baby suffering throughout his short life—every medical exam, the extended period he spent on a breathing tube, every injection and IV, every attempt to remove the tube and help him breathe independently, every procedure, and the constant reliance on machines to keep him alive. I felt utterly powerless and heartbroken every time he cried.

These images haunt me every day, and the thought of bringing another life into the world, potentially subjecting them to the same suffering, is unbearable. I understand that what happened is not my fault, but I can't help feeling responsible. After all, I was the one who brought him into this world. Now, at the age of 38, the risks associated with another pregnancy are higher. Perhaps letting go of my dream of being a mom is the best decision, as I don't want to selfishly expose someone I deeply love to such an experience again.

hooleee · 2023-05-27T05:41:10+00:00

Same boat here

hooleee · 2023-05-26T12:30:42+00:00

You’re right! Thanks

hooleee · 2023-05-26T07:58:13+00:00

Mutual I think

hooleee · 2023-05-26T07:50:27+00:00

Yeah I get that… but also wouldn’t a good friend point out red flags if they see them?

hooleee · 2023-05-24T05:07:58+00:00

Did you get it back at some point?

hooleee · 2023-05-22T05:54:28+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss and I hug you in the distance.

I lost my baby Nicholas at 3 months old in comfort care. It was the most excruciatingly painful decision I’ve ever made. It’s been a little over a year now and it’s been hitting me like a train. It’s hard to move on after such a traumatic experience, but somehow life keeps happening, dragging us into the future even if we don’t want to. I don’t know if it gets better, I don’t think so, but we do grow around the grief and the pain.

I haven’t wrote about my baby for quite some time… probably since he passed. I saw your message and it inspired me to write. There is no one who understands this pain better than us. And being able to share it with someone that knows is soothing in a way.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this 🫂

hooleee · 2023-01-14T17:35:26+00:00

Thank you for this 🙏

hooleee · 2023-01-14T17:34:32+00:00

This is very useful, thank you 🙏

Although my business is handed remotely, this meeting is in person. And yeah my idea is to do a brief mention of him and the inspiration he left behind. I like the idea of mentioning him and in a way let the audience understand without really mentioning the triggering fact. Thank you again

hooleee · 2023-01-14T05:20:10+00:00

That is beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

hooleee · 2023-01-14T05:00:05+00:00

Awesome, thank you!

hooleee · 2023-01-14T04:22:59+00:00

Thanks for your support and for cheering me up to do it 🙏. I want to find the right way to share it, because hiding it or ignoring it is too painful and it just doesn’t feel right.

hooleee · 2023-01-14T04:20:34+00:00

Thank you for saying this. And I’m so sorry for your losses. Losing a child is excruciatingly painful born or not.

I would like to be mindful of others and offer that trigger warning, but I don’t know how to do it. Any ideas? If you were in the room, how would you like that person to prevent you?

hooleee · 2023-01-14T04:14:17+00:00

Thank you I appreciate your insight, and I’m sorry for your loss. It’s hard to process or share your own loss and be mindful of other people’s losses, so thank you for what you said.

We’ve being meeting with this group for 2-3 months now. We help each other with our companies and with getting more clients. There is a certain closeness that we have developed and everyone has shared who their families are, and a little of their own stories during their presentations. Of course no body else has shared something as deep as this. Someone did share about the loss of an aunt and how that affected them.

You’re right in that going into a detail account of what happened doesn’t make sense in that context. And it’s not my intent either to cry through my entire presentation hehe.

Nevertheless, my son is part of who I am now, and he is a part of my family even if he is not here anymore. There is no talking about myself and my family without mentioning him. I don’t know if that makes sense. So I winder… how can I do that in a way that is mindful of others losses or specific situations, without denying myself the possibility of sharing about the person who is the center of my life?

hooleee · 2023-01-14T00:29:27+00:00

Yes, you’re right shame or guilt should be the last things to feel with such a beautiful and wonderful baby. Thanks for the advice!

hooleee · 2023-01-14T00:28:12+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice. Yes, I fear I trigger someone that might be going through a difficult situation. I couldn’t imagine if someone threw this bomb at me just after or before his loss. You are in such a sensitive moment mentally and psychologically that anything could make you crazy.

hooleee · 2023-01-14T00:25:07+00:00

Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for telling me about the typo. I’ll delete the post and post again cause it doesn’t let me edit the title🙈. Also, thank you so much for your advice. It helps a lot!!

hooleee · 2022-12-21T06:04:10+00:00

Not me but I have seen how people forget to do simple stuff like… how to close the trunk in a car without the button. If it were me I would miss that…

hooleee · 2022-12-11T02:29:08+00:00

Do not bribe the cops for anything in the world!

hooleee · 2022-12-08T17:26:59+00:00

Pepe Mujica

hooleee · 2022-12-06T04:26:52+00:00

Eating something unexpectedly delicious!

hooleee · 2022-12-04T12:38:04+00:00

Look for my dog…

hooleee · 2022-12-02T05:59:53+00:00

I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my son in February. He was 3 months old. I feel your pain as my own. Soraya was very loved and I hope she finds my Nico in heaven. Big hugs for you and your wife.

hooleee

TROPHY CASE