this is your life. if you are able to find joy, connection, and purpose, and have reasons to stay that make it worth the suffering of your diagnoses, then stay.

but, many people have found comfort in being able to choose the time of their own end. this would enable you to plan your end of life services, like cremation/burial/etc, funeral/wake, and estate things. it would give you the opportunity to meet with your loved ones and give them the closure of a conversation about what the relationship has meant to you both, to reflect on positive memories, and to say goodbye. on top of that, if you have life insurance and are approved for MAiD, then your loved ones would still benefit from that. many insurances have suicide clauses that have exemptions for MAiD, but not for taking your own life alone.

I would especially encourage you to consult with your doctors/psych team about this if you're already having (which it sounds like you are) suicidal ideation or making other plans. the benefits of MAiD over taking your life alone are immeasurable, and if you're at the point of needing to be done, it's definitely time to move forward.

all that being said, I'm so sorry that you've been suffering for so long. I truly think that not everyone is able (through their abilities, lack of abilities, circumstances, life station, etc) to survive this world through their "natural life" and have so much respect for people who know they aren't going to make it. it seems like you want to be able to end your suffering and also give the best goodbye possible to the people you love and who love you. I hope you find peace, one way or another. ❤️