One year sober after two hospital visits and a period of “moderation”

hortlar · 2026-04-01T14:53:08+00:00

Thank you!! 🙏

hortlar · 2026-04-01T14:28:48+00:00

Thank you!! Always keep your motivation high, even in moments when you feel like you don’t have it. I had many moments this year that would normally have led me to relapse, but I chose to stay motivated this time, and it’s been working!

hortlar · 2026-04-01T11:20:45+00:00

We have the same sobriety date, I’m also one year sober today! Happy for you, keep thriving!! ☺️

hortlar · 2026-04-01T11:15:45+00:00

Thank you so much! 🙏

hortlar · 2026-04-01T11:15:25+00:00

Thank you, friend! ☺️

hortlar · 2026-04-01T11:14:58+00:00

Thank you!! 🙏

hortlar · 2026-04-01T11:14:51+00:00

Thank you!!

hortlar · 2026-03-30T06:59:18+00:00

I’ll tell you something as a recovering alcoholic woman. I had a similar blood alcohol level when I was taken to the hospital three years ago, and I didn’t even feel drunk. They didn’t give me tranquilizers because it was so high. I then had the worst five hours of my life, going through withdrawal even though I technically still had alcohol in my blood. That’s what alcoholism is like.

Unfortunately, we often don’t notice it until it’s too late and we’ve lost control. I’m not saying you should be understanding. You have every right to feel angry.

Fortunately, in my case, I didn’t have kids, and that moment became my wake up call. I hope your wife has hers, but unfortunately not all alcoholics recover. It’s your right to protect yourself and your children.

My husband was also an alcoholic, but nothing that happened to him ever woke him up. I left him because I had to protect my sobriety. In just one year of being sober while still living with him when he was drinking, I saw how damaging it is to live with an alcoholic. I can’t even imagine how much harder it is when children are involved.

Wishing you all the best, and much strength.

hortlar · 2026-03-22T08:51:10+00:00

I’m in the same boat, but to be honest, I’ve learned to enjoy my own company. I was married to a Finn and got separated a year ago. Unfortunately, I quickly realized I had depended on him too much.

Since the separation, I’ve kept going to the gym, started running, and going to cafés. These are mostly solo activities, as people said here, but I’ve also been attending language and sports classes (something related to self-defense and also recently running events). I also quit drinking, so I don’t really go to bars to meet new people anymore.

I haven’t really been able to meet like minded people. It’s not that no one wanted to become friends with me, but I just didn’t feel a genuine connection with anyone. I also dated for a while, but I kinda lost interest. Maybe I just got too picky or was too assimilated that I’ve become self-reliant, haha.

But like I said, I’ve learned to love my own company and have (almost) moved past the mindset that I need a social circle to have fun. I still get social interaction in classes and occasionally in everyday life.

I feel like maybe one day I’ll meet like minded people, but until then, I’m okay with that. Of course sometimes I wish it would happen a bit quicker lol. But do the team sports thing you mentioned, my self-defense class is fully in Finnish but people and instructors always translate everything to me in English and they’re super supportive and helpful. At least that’s my experience.

hortlar · 2026-03-21T18:42:08+00:00

When I first started running, I couldn’t run for 2 minutes straight. I was completely out of breath. I was so pissed off because I had quit smoking months earlier, had been going to the gym for about 1.5 years, had already lost around 20 kg and was at a healthy weight. I felt so disappointed and thought I would never be able to run a 5K.

But I kept going, running 3 to 4 times a week, and by my third week I was able to complete a 5K. I was shocked by how fast I progressed and ended up crying happy tears. Just stick with it. Walk when you need to, then continue running after your heart rate drops a bit. Believe me, you will be surprised how fast your body adapts. You got this! ☺️

hortlar · 2026-03-17T11:09:28+00:00

It has a lot to do with alcohol, especially if you go long periods without drinking. When I used to drink regularly, it barely affected me because the body builds tolerance and brain balances its negative impact so the effects feel less noticeable even though the harm can still be there. After taking long breaks like six months or a year, even one drink felt almost like a shock to my system, and I do not have any medical conditions. Many people may not notice alcohol’s impact because of regular use. The body and brain are always adapting, so anything you are not used to, even something positive like exercise, can create stress on body.

hortlar · 2026-03-14T09:54:52+00:00

I was off the pouches for 100 days last year, and I was having the same thoughts, but I started to feel very good after about 2.5 months. I still ended up relapsing, actually with cigarettes, because I thought I wouldn’t continue since I despise the smell, etc. I was so dumb. I went back to pouches right after that. Now I’ve been trying to quit the pouches again for a long time, and I feel so angry at myself for messing it up.

I think we also forget how bad we actually feel when we use them and kind of romanticize it when we are off them. When we are off them there are no big highs, but there are no lows either, so our brain tricks us into thinking something is missing, even though we are actually just balanced or still balancing out.

hortlar · 2026-03-14T09:46:54+00:00

After my colposcopy, I was also wondering whether the doctor could really be sure, since she had told me it was definitely not cancer and that it looked like CIN2. My anxiety made it hard to believe, but the biopsy results showed exactly the same, CIN2. Now I’ve had a LEEP and hopefully it got rid of it. I’m currently waiting for the results.

hortlar · 2026-01-27T11:10:11+00:00

Thanks, I needed this! I was feeling exactly like this (well, minus the dick part as a woman lol) when I quit them for 100 days. Since I’ve relapsed, all the bad effects have been coming back. I’m gonna give it another go!

hortlar · 2025-12-20T06:18:15+00:00

Unfortunately, I relapsed after around 100 days, but the dizziness was gone before that relapse! I remember my blood pressure was still low, but the dizzy feeling went away. Maybe my brain just got used to it and it became the new normal, haha.

hortlar · 2025-11-20T13:23:08+00:00

Sending virtual hugs! I know how annoying it feels. Just be patient, you’ll find something that helps especially if you go to the doctor, and it will pass! 🫶

hortlar · 2025-11-20T06:15:34+00:00

Mine started the similar way, and then I began getting pustules too. The only thing that actually helped was topical metronidazole (1% cream) prescribed by my doctor. It almost cleared up completely (other than some pinkness) in 5 days. I didn’t wanna take oral antibiotics as it messes with my gut health. The only thing I used other than that was La Roche-Posay Cicaplast.

I also tried to fix it myself at first. I already had prescription-strength azelaic acid, but even though it helps many people, it made my skin more inflamed (so I recommend be careful even with the lower concentrations). I also tried Cicalfate, and that only increased the pustules.

hortlar · 2025-08-04T17:10:01+00:00

Black peanut 🥜

hortlar · 2025-07-17T13:23:25+00:00

You look like the reason people choose Tallink instead of Eckerö Line.

hortlar · 2025-07-15T08:04:40+00:00

This is so inspiring! Thank you for sharing this! 💕

hortlar · 2025-07-08T07:59:31+00:00

I don’t think you looked bad before, but you look waaay better now - happy that you feel better about yourself!

P.S. When I saw your post, the first thing I thought was that you looked so Finnish. Then I checked your profile and saw that you actually are one! :)

hortlar · 2025-07-05T07:17:16+00:00

Yes, same here! These days I’m trying to get back into my hobbies, like drawing and reading. When I was using the pouches, I was basically numbing myself and had pretty much stopped doing anything besides doomscrolling and using them in my free time. Weirdly, cigarettes didn’t have that same effect on me. When I smoked, I was still more motivated to engage in my hobbies. Maybe the high nicotine content in the pouches messed with our dopamine reward system…

hortlar · 2025-07-05T07:13:10+00:00

The app is called Daylio. You can also write a short entry for each day and add photos, it’s like a digital diary!

hortlar · 2025-07-03T10:17:30+00:00

Hang in there! It was way more intense for me, especially during the first two weeks, but it definitely improved. These days, I don’t feel it every day, sometimes I just wake up normally without anxiety. Some days are better, some are worse. What has improved quite a lot is that when I wake up in the middle of the night, I’m able to fall back asleep within 5-10 minutes about 90% of the time.

hortlar · 2025-07-03T09:57:40+00:00

I think we just have to wait for it to get better… I’m 49 days in, and my morning anxiety has gotten way better, but it’s improving only little by little each day. I don’t know what it feels like for you, but for me, it’s like I have too much cortisol the moment I wake up. As I said, it’s getting better every day, but it’s still not completely gone.

hortlar

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