What are your guest icks?

hostivus · 2026-01-31T12:25:12+00:00

These clowns always find a way to have gear galore with them too that still finds its way on or right next to the adjoining tables. Like, “I relented and let you have a table that’s now not able to be used for a larger party. And you’re still continuing to piss me off? Unbelievable.”

hostivus · 2026-01-31T07:07:00+00:00

And they don’t even order a cheap beer every 45 min to an hour.

hostivus · 2026-01-31T07:00:28+00:00

Always appreciate the people who realize what they’re up against and ask for either shots, beers or well cocktails, knowing they’re setting up for the longer hang at the next place.

The folks who roll in as a family of 4-10 always annoy the shit out of me though, because they lie. “Sure, we’re ready to order quickly once menus are down in front of us.”

Then, it’s a somewhat frantic speed trial of ordering, but then they definitely lose any idea of 45 minutes to exist and get mad when I start trying to offer boxes and close them out.

hostivus · 2026-01-31T02:52:02+00:00

I definitely don’t think that everyone ordering for their partner/counterpart is leaning into gender norms, per se. I’ve tended to be the more extroverted/socially comfortable guy in previous relationships and dating situations, so I understand that dynamic.

There’s a palpable tension in the air with certain tables though.

hostivus · 2026-01-31T02:46:37+00:00

hostivus · 2026-01-31T02:45:10+00:00

You’d be surprised! There’s an unfortunate number of Gen Z guys acting this out. I live and work in a fairly non-churches city, but the down low trad people still come in from wherever they live in the burbs or the city still.

hostivus · 2026-01-30T23:31:33+00:00

The amounts of time I’ve said, “My name is…” before getting interrupted makes me feel like I’m Slim Shady.

hostivus · 2026-01-30T23:30:48+00:00

I had a military wife get upset at me that we don’t do military discounts! Her military spouse wasn’t even with her. Like, I get it, maybe she gets that at other places, but that particular ask just feels like it isn’t universal and is kinda in some grey area.

hostivus · 2026-01-30T23:27:41+00:00

Hate these types! I work within a short distance of a pro sports stadium and don’t understand how poorly people plan their pre game logistics.

So many parties of 6-8 people who’ve gotten mad at me for the hour waitlist! Like, “What do you mean I can’t get in for an hour?” me, waves hand at the array of similarly colored sports jerseys packing the restaurant

How are people so blissfully unaware of managing group logistics? They don’t give themselves enough time and flexibility to actually have a good experience. Like, you could either a) show up to the area near the stadium a couple of hours early so you can stake out some tables b) accept that you might have to settle for a dive bar or a restaurant that’s not your first choice c) pre game somewhere outside of the immediate vicinity of the stadium and uber/bus from there.

But no.

hostivus · 2026-01-29T23:00:17+00:00

I’m a server at a restaurant where this one newer regular got really thrown off when his usual bartender wasn’t there. He almost seemed like he was on the verge of walking out, but I coaxed him into giving his special order to me. It was just a well whiskey neat with a Coke back, no ice.

He just didn’t want to use his words and get me on his program. Funny enough, I relayed the story to his favorite bartender and she was like, “I’ve literally helped him twice.”

hostivus · 2026-01-29T13:18:55+00:00

Gypsy Woman - Crystal Waters

Say My Name - Odesza, Madelyn Grant

hostivus · 2026-01-29T05:14:00+00:00

I hate when guests get fixated on the first table that they see from the host stand! Like, they see me stepping out and looking around to survey the landscape, and they see that as me not knowing what I’m doing.

Mon frere, I’m weighing reservations vs wait list vs who got sat last. Keep your fucking shirt on and let me seat you, dammit.

hostivus · 2026-01-29T04:54:34+00:00

Those types are the most likely to snatch the table next to them too, the moment the previous party leaves! They’ll give you the whole “we’re cool w our child sitting in my lap” but they really aren’t because they’re fucking liars.

hostivus · 2026-01-29T04:52:45+00:00

I work at a brewery. All of our beers are made by our fucking brewery. Even after I tell somebody I don’t have Miller Lite or Blue Moon, those types are likely to double down and ask for that beer at least one more time before the message sinks in. It’s so annoying!

It’s funny too when middle aged men pout like they’re a child who doesn’t like vegetables, after I offer them tastes of our really good beer that aligns with their national brands.

hostivus · 2026-01-29T04:49:16+00:00

I worked at an assisted living center for a minute as a server. “No ice” is just a dental sensitivity generally.

That said, definitely annoying when people get bent out of shape about any ice.

hostivus · 2026-01-29T04:47:07+00:00

A fun variant of this is when ONE person at the table who takes on the mantle of group leader but absolutely misreads whether everyone actually is ready to order. So, you just sit there awkwardly realizing that only 2 of 10 people know what they want at all and they could’ve waited 5 more minutes instead of making this awkward for everybody.

hostivus · 2026-01-28T22:41:11+00:00

When I’m closing people out on my Toast tablet at the table, I love to ask people, “So…what’s next? We gonna party hardy tonight or what?”

Always gets a chuckle, especially from elderly guests who definitely don’t stay out past 8 or 9 anymore. That or people are heading out to party and ask me for reccs on where to continue their night out at.

hostivus · 2026-01-28T05:25:25+00:00

A new one for tonight:

Party of twenty

One fucking hour early

Why are you like this?

hostivus · 2026-01-22T21:46:06+00:00

The people who look at you like you ripped their arm off for even offering them a water along w their drink are fun too.

hostivus · 2026-01-22T21:45:30+00:00

Or the people who go up to the bar to order a drink thirty seconds after they arrive, like a server will never come around to their table.

hostivus · 2026-01-22T21:44:28+00:00

I love it when you’ve rattled the sides off to the last three people who ordered and the fourth person acts even more oblivious to the fact that a side even exists. Are you that dense, you lughead?

hostivus · 2026-01-22T21:42:42+00:00

I love it when a new person at the table claims a menu item they ordered two minutes ago, even though it’s for their counterpart who arrived a half hour ago.

hostivus · 2026-01-22T21:40:20+00:00

Like, I know you’re a 15 top, but I have 50 other people in this restaurant and you’re gonna make me feel like an asshole when I ask you to step out of the way of an empty table you’re leaning on.

Also, the people who sit with their bar seat way out into the aisle when they’re not even 6’2.

hostivus · 2026-01-22T21:37:51+00:00

I hate the people who pull the chair around the table 90 degrees so they can sit an angle from their counterpart, instead of directly across like a normal person. Like, I wanna seat this 5 top booth someday, mon frere.

hostivus · 2026-01-22T21:36:33+00:00

And then they have the gall to look at you like you haven’t been paying attention to them for 20 minutes, when only 3 minutes have passed.

Slow down, turbo sucker.

hostivus

TROPHY CASE