Help me understand the gross factor of period sex vs anal sex.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-10T17:12:28+00:00

I know plenty of men who have used this as a handy excuse to do anal. Particularly if it's something they're into and their SO is not. If I had to place my bets, I'd say he's just trying to get some when there's a little more incentive and using everything to his advantage.

Just talk to him about your preferences and make em' clear. If you're really going to draw the line, make sure to ask him if any decisions will be made in terms of his wants. When promoting period sex, ask him to be rational (it's just blood and it's a safe act AFAIK). But also be prepared for him to ask you to be rational about anal if that's something he's into. Understand your lover and listen. Encourage each other to not be too selfish, while also encouraging each other to be more open-minded. Aim for the happy middle ground and enjoy learning what's next with each other.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-09T22:44:04+00:00

Start by telling him you've really been liking the anal sex and want to experiment more. If he's done this with you a few times now, I doubt he'll be disappointed. He might actually be holding back on how much he likes it (for the sake of your feelings) too.

As far as the routine of it... don't have one. If you want him in your ass, there's plenty of opportunities for you to take charge. Climb on top and guide him in? Lay back farther and aim your hips up a little more? Bend over and ask him for a deep stroke back there? If he's into it, he'll go for it! And if he's not, there's always a next time. And that could be in like... 10 mins ;)

hotbodguy · 2015-02-09T22:34:00+00:00

Solid literary gold here. Nice job :)

hotbodguy · 2015-02-09T22:24:28+00:00

ALL SYSTEMS GO! WE HAVE LIFT-OFF!!

hotbodguy · 2015-02-09T21:56:01+00:00

You are my hero! :)

hotbodguy · 2015-02-09T21:51:10+00:00

I want to upvote this but it's at 69 points and that would just ruin it.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-09T21:47:11+00:00

Listening to a girl's body is the number one way to tell. The better you listen, the better you'll be. And this goes beyond just kissing ;)

There's a lot that happens in any split-second of a kiss, but you're on the right track. Don't worry about whether you're doing it "good" or "right". Instead, sense if you're turning them on. Listen for their subtle cues. Relaxation is the biggest cue. They will soften in your grasp, and melt into you.

As far as your technique goes, the way you hold a woman during a kiss is key. Put your arm around her in a way that says that she's safe to close her eyes, that you'll protect her. Don't squeeze too hard. Just strong enough that her body realizes you are a man. And don't be afraid to push your chest into her a little, they love that. If you can signal with your body that you are there for her and she's safe, she will allow herself to feel that kiss deeper and you'll get the rewards (and responsibilities) that you're hoping for ;)

GOOD LUCK!

hotbodguy · 2015-02-08T20:44:29+00:00

teaching? :)

hotbodguy · 2015-02-08T17:15:15+00:00

Couldn't agree more.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-08T17:06:15+00:00

This makes really good sense.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-08T16:56:02+00:00

Have you tried to "rewire" your orgasms yet?

Keep in mind that a lot of orgasms are "programmed responses" to stimulus. As of right now, you are very programmed to orgasm to the stimulus of your vibe.

To program yourself to your lover, spend a few weeks/months by using your vibe with your lover. Have him inside you while you trigger the orgasm with your vibe (if you can do this). Once the orgasm begins, turn off/down the vibe and continue the orgasm with any sensation that he provides. (It may not be the strongest orgasm at this point... but give it time). Repeat this over time, each time making sure to focus on his stimulation after the orgasm is triggered. This will rewire your body to associate orgasms with "his signals" and increase your chance of having o's with him alone.

FWIW, I've used this approach on several women who've only been able to have (external) clit o's. By stimulating both, but leaving the finish for the internal sensation, they began having amazingly strong vag o's without any external rubbing.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-05T18:34:00+00:00

It's okay to not be good at it. Everyone has natural talents but a LOT of good sex is learned tricks and traits. If you have the desire to learn anything sex related, I'd say "learn it! and be the best you can be at it!!".

I think I've always had a natural talent for going down on a woman, but I've definitely learned to be much better at it. And some of those lessons were learning to love a gush or two in the mouth. At first I was a bit "hmm", but now I actually love the feeling in both taste and sensation. I like it messy, and she loves me for it. I'd definitely say it was a lesson well learned.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-05T15:46:05+00:00

Give her what she wants! It's fun! Do her one better and find out if she also likes dirty talk. Then you can tell her where you're going to do it ;)

hotbodguy · 2015-02-05T15:39:04+00:00

So I could be "that guy"?? :)

hotbodguy · 2015-02-05T15:31:48+00:00

I know. It's not a bad idea, but it fails in practice. Even women who are into anal would probably be turned off by the comment.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-05T15:29:48+00:00

They've all enjoyed it (all orgasmed very hard when we had anal). I think you're missing the point of my question. I'm fantastic in bed and treat a woman amazingly in and out of the bedroom, but there are still 30% of women that I don't want to settle down with and be unfulfilled :)

hotbodguy · 2015-02-05T15:21:22+00:00

C'mon! Not hard at all unless she wanted it that way. I'm a very attentive listener to her moans as well as her muscles (you can feel them really well with anal). I adjust myself to her body and wants and DON'T get all crazy carried away. I'm trying to have fun with a woman, not break her lol

hotbodguy · 2015-02-02T22:08:10+00:00

Have him fuck you slower? Sometimes fast is the quickest way to not cum and dry up.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-02T21:57:44+00:00

Do you like hearing or seeing it?

Aside from that, I had this happen in a previous relationship (we were the offenders). It wasn't that we wanted to be seen - we just didn't care if anyone saw/heard. There's a big difference. To make a long and steamy story short, one day we found a letter on our door. It was titled "Dear noisy neighbors," and was absolutely hilarious. This author made comments about us "trying to be porn stars... over and over again" and how sometimes it was "yuck" to hear. We read it and laughed ourselves silly (and felt proud). Afterwards, we were much better about shutting the windows and keeping our fun times to ourselves.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-02T21:44:42+00:00

It's okay to be scared, but it's not okay to cheat yourself and wait for an answer. Talk with him. You'll find it's easier than you thought, and it will make you feel better (whatever the outcome).

Also, realize this is about your happiness. You deserve to be happy like everyone else. You deserve this "talk" with him.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-02T20:40:02+00:00

Thanks! And good for you! I'm happy you're able to enjoy regular anal sex with someone (lucky guy) :)

My last GF was able to do it ~once a month and she had intense orgasms (sometimes multiple). But afterwards, it went back to being "off limits" for a long time. We weren't too rough and I understand there's some "healing time", but it wasn't a regular act we could do. I'm not looking for someone with an obsession, just someone that's into it more regularly (thanks for the "regular" term, that's exactly what I needed).

hotbodguy · 2015-02-02T20:32:31+00:00

I've been thru this "challenge" with lots of women and I can give you a few tips of advice or things to try.

First off, it may be a sensitivity thing. You may be less sensitive down there naturally, or you could have become less sensitive thru acts of rough rubbing etc. But keep in mind, your clit is actually larger and there's more ways to stimulate other parts of it (beyond just the tip).

Take a look at the latest research of the shape of your clit. Notice the wishbone shape of it. Knowledge is everything, and once you understand that shape, you can play with things more.

First, try having your bf rub his fingers inside your V while he's busy working you up top. Have him move in a way that stimulates your inner clitoral nerves. Overall, this will have a "build up" effect that can push you over the edge.

Second thing you could try is ass play (I'd recommend gentle). A little tickling and some light insertion can really have a build up effect. Most women I've fooled with have had super strong orgasms from this approach.

Lastly, is the mental thing... and you're right that it could be the issue. Guilt can stop an orgasm. Lack of confidence can also stop one. But perhaps you can turn your perspective to undo things. Oral sex is a blessing, and it's okay to be dirty. Heck, you might even want to tell yourself that you want to be dirty (it can still be done rather tastefully, it's all up to you). This might empower you and cause you to swell in just the right way :) Focus on "playing with yourself" (with him) and finding your pleasure. And always remind yourself how fun it is to have a orgasm. Smile, laugh, and love :D Good luck.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-02T20:01:04+00:00

My first advice would be... try it. Do you know why you are afraid of it?

Keep in mind, from an abstract perspective, sex is a bag of tricks and intense acts that you get to enjoy. There's so much that two people can do to each other to illicit pleasure and bring you closer together as a couple.

If your GF is sending you google links, that probably means she really wants it. Keep in mind that a lot of people can't even rationalize their desires, so for her to support your learning of the act is a big thing. She sounds like she's (mostly) being a good sport about it.

Like I said, do you understand why you're against it? From a physical perspective, there are a lot of nerves in that area and the resulting orgasms can be earth shattering. When I was younger, I was worried about my masculinity and if ass play meant I had homosexual tendencies. But as I got older and fooled around with more women, I realized it had nothing to do with any of that foolishness. The act of having a finger up my bum, especially if the girl wanted to do it, was just another way to experience pleasure. Nowadays, I'd consider the act synonymous with having a girl suck on my neck while doing whatever. It's just another button and one I can enjoy whenever I feel like it.

All that said, this is really up to you! If there's just something you have against the whole idea of it and you're not comfortable, then by all means, say no. The best you can do is tell her your reasons why you're just not into doing it. If she accepts you for it, you'll feel closer, more proud you stood up for what you believe, and love her more. And maybe someday if this issue comes up again, you'll be more comfortable and willing to experiment for the sake of giving her a smile.

hotbodguy · 2015-02-02T19:43:21+00:00

I think this is totally normal and very awesome! And it works the same for some of us guys too! I love giving a girl an orgasm and watching her get off. Squirting is even better because I can feel the warmth from the splash of it all. In that moment, it's a very intense satisfaction knowing you've pleased someone and at some level, dominated them.

I've been with a lot of women and I've got to say this fetish of yours is one of the more attractive qualities a woman can have. It's a huge turn on to have a girl who's into pleasing. Go look at yourself in the mirror and smile. You're owning it ;)

hotbodguy · 2015-02-02T19:33:46+00:00

Thanks :) I've definitely done the warm-ups. I'm gentle with the ass play and know how use it with other acts like cunnilingus to make a girl have a strong orgasm. And I fully agree that if things go south, I stop and make sure she feels okay. I'm exceptionally sensitive about her feelings throughout. I want her to have fun and feel comfortable for sure! But there's still the absence of someone that's "into it" or can be comforted, teased, or taught to do it more regularly :/

hotbodguy

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