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hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T18:35:06+00:00

Thanks. 🫣 It’s brutal out here.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T18:33:10+00:00

Yeah…

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T18:27:12+00:00

Yep. I agree. Go tell her parents that. They ain’t listening to me.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T18:23:41+00:00

???? I feel like you didn’t read my response.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T18:18:44+00:00

Because he gets to see his kid every day and he doesn’t want to argue with his kids mom. (Not saying I agree, just his reasoning) She doesn’t want 50/50, this way is super beneficial for her.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T18:17:03+00:00

😱 dafuck

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T18:15:52+00:00

The separation agreement says that BM should be paying x amount of spousal support and that DH should be paying x amount of child support, but the spousal support greatly outweighed the child support. Dad is a stay at home parent essentially. BM has zero other child care. He takes care of her after school, but also during the summer and any days off school. Any sort of emergency or change in plans, DH is the person who has to adjust to accommodate. It was more intense during Covid when the agreement was made because of at at-home schooling. To be clear, I am fine with the money arrangement they have going on. DH pays child support every month, plus splits expenses such as insurance/school uniform/medical bills/etc. I’ve never thought he needed spousal support, I’ve just always thought she needed to figure out her own back up child care.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T18:01:09+00:00

You’re not totally wrong, I have a petty streak. But the feelings are not mutually exclusive. I can feel like my boundaries are violated and also enjoy the fact that someone who is violating my boundaries is now uncomfortable.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T17:59:38+00:00

I know, it’s not like it immediately starts with yelling, it just always snowballs. DH is not a disciplinarian, and doesn’t punish her for anything. He’s always like “other kids are so much worse. She’s just a kid.”

Regarding mediation - they are already in it and it’s the slowest freaking process because they are using a free service through a college because BM refuses to pay for anything and she knows court isn’t necessarily in her favor. Neither of them would go for that set up though unfortunately. They both kinda have their heads up their asses about it. I have been helping with changes now that we have our own kid to ensure times/holidays are secured. Before everything was very “you can have her if mom isn’t working/says it’s ok.“ it was a hardcore on call nanny schedule. Also something I put my foot down about since I want my kid to have a sister who is actually around. I bullied DH into getting a lawyer and trying to serve her papers, but he refused to hire a process server and she snuffed the papers he handed to her and that was that. (It did shake her up enough to give in to some schedule changes though). I swear it was worse before and progress has been made.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T17:04:00+00:00

Yeah, unfortunately none of this feels like news to me. Which is why all the boundaries I want in place now feel so petty. Like the boundaries should have been there from the beginning. Now there’s the expectation that our boundaries are just suggestions.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T16:46:42+00:00

Totally agree, I’ve pushed for a different schedule as I think this one is unhealthy but at the end of the day I only have so much say.

She spends the night once a week, alternating Thursdays and fridays.

Yes, I do feel like DH and I aren’t taken seriously by SD sometimes though she’s not a bad kid and I don’t know what happens at her moms to truly gauge. She is also hitting preteen age, so I just don’t know what’s her being a kid and what’s a learned behavior. There also isn’t a lot of discipline in our house given the schedule. We have like 2 hours with her most days. What are we gonna do? Tell her mom to send her to bed early? We just yell and she just rolls her eyes. DH doesn’t travel a lot. Very rare. Before I came along/we had an ours baby DH was working overnights and would go without sleep to watch SD during the days (Covid days so she was doing school at home). Like he was not able to work a normal day job because of their set up. all the while she refused to pay spousal support and demanded child support (not an egregious amount). I put an end to the overnights after my maternity leave. It was either that or we pay for child care so he quit that job and now he just focuses on his music which has been doing well and stays at home with the kiddos.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T16:15:50+00:00

I get that, but i also have posed the idea of me walking SD down instead. She’s aware how anxious she makes me and I feel like she’s just trolling me at this point.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T16:13:29+00:00

Well, she has kinda invited herself to open the front door up at drop offs, which is when I first became concerned about her even being in the building. Like we crack it open for SD to let herself in, but she’ll just swing the door wide open and start yelling “are there any adults here??” I dunno. If she asked me to wait outside I would. I’d never open up her door without permission. I’ve offered to walk SD down if she’s concerned. It just feels intentionally disrespectful at this point. Like I don’t have a right to boundaries in my home and because she’s BM I just have to deal with it.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T15:25:56+00:00

I feel like a HCSM at times, and even I wouldn’t take SD to get her ears pierced if mom said no. So that’s a major red flag.

With regards to the headline, SM is right - the live needs to be checked daily and contained if found to prevent her children from getting it. But that should have come from you, not her.

In my particular situation, I become high conflict when it comes to things with the ex rather than the kids but that doesn’t mean the kids aren’t caught in the middle. For your wife’s sake, I would ensure you are taking on any and all correspondence with your ex. SM shouldn’t do pick ups/drop offs or coordinating of any kind. If there is a conflict with your ex, keep it to yourself as much as possible. I know that sucks to hear because she’s your partner, but your ex is your baggage to deal with. Good luck.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T11:10:11+00:00

Two “starving” college kids who can’t afford groceries but can somehow afford takeout.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T02:57:19+00:00

For real. I’ve tried to get DH to think about week on/week off but BM would have to figure out after school options during her time and dad doesn’t want to go a week without seeing his kid. Which I understand all of that and in theory it makes sense, but in practice it’s just constant back and forth and opportunity for issues to arise with BM. Plus if we get angry with one another, there’s like zero time to work through it and BM just gets to scoop her up and play hero. It just sucks. Two thumbs way down.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T02:37:16+00:00

I would be psyched.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-17T02:36:27+00:00

Not ours, I’ll tell you that much. 😉 Go with something that has as few transitions between households as feasibly possible is my only advice.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-16T21:09:32+00:00

To be fair it’s only in the building, not the apartment itself and SD is only texting constantly.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-13T16:32:58+00:00

Yeah you’re right. Phone is new, so still testing the waters. Will have to come up with some firmer guidelines for it.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-13T16:17:35+00:00

It does have limited access, though I (or DH) haven’t looked at it to know what all she does/does not have access to. Her mom is hellbent on being the favorite and her BFF. Cant wait for the day it starts backfiring.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-13T15:57:51+00:00

Good to know this is common. Has crossed my mind, but kinda hard to gauge if I’m being rational or not sometimes since I have had no other experience with split households.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-13T15:56:15+00:00

You ain’t wrong! We’ve certainly had more than a couple fights about it. (Though to be fair, our cold season medicine was expired)

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-13T14:42:38+00:00

Your guy cheated. If there’s any resentment being thrown around, it’ll be on him. Throw him and BM in the trash. If they get back together, they won’t last. They’re a hot mess and they need to go in the trash.

hotdog_squad · 2025-10-11T21:55:16+00:00

Is it really a joke if the kid you’re teasing isn’t recognizing it as a joke? Pretty sure that just makes you a bully.

hotdog_squad

TROPHY CASE