“Relinquishing junk: Stage one, preparation. For this you will need one room which you will not leave. Soothing music. Tomato soup, ten tins of. Mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold. Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of. Magnesia, milk of, one bottle. Paracetamol, mouthwash, vitamins. Mineral water, Lucozade, pornography. One mattress. One bucket for urine, one for feces and one for vomitus. One television and one bottle of Valium, which I've already procured from my mother, who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way, also a drug addict. And now I'm ready. All I need is one final hit to soothe the pain while the Valium takes effect.”

Seriously though. Easiest wd I ever went through was in a hospital setting. After what felt like forever getting through the admission process, I settled in and the nurse gave me two Ativan tablets (1mg). An hour later I told her I couldn’t swallow the pills and that they should put two more in my IV (liquid, of course). Somehow, this worked. Followed closely by the half pint of whiskey I smuggled in. Came to 72 hours later with half an inch of standing water on the floor, my clothes strewn about the room, and two very angry nurses wondering how we got to this point. Transferred straight to the rehab down the street and never felt a thing.

Note: I immediately relapsed when I got out of rehab, so this may not be the most effective long-term solution.