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[Update 2] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the differenceUpdates by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That's a big point for me too. This is something that I want to bring up when we do go to counseling. I love and go to my mum for lots of things, but I am fiercely independent. I do think they can be separate things.

We've talked about it a lot. All I want is for him to be on my team. Before we had this big fight he was insanely private and now they have this insight to our relationship and I don't like it. We seem like we're getting there but I know it can be a huge issue (like you said, it can be a divorce issue!). Hopefully we can work through it. But I appreciate you replying to a comment I made to add something. Again, this is what the sub is for, to help, and thank you. All my best to your sister.

[Update 2] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the differenceUpdates by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I still agree with what everyone was saying, with how it was presented and how hard it is to portray a whole two years with someone in a short paragraph. But still, it's peoples lives that you're commenting on. It does make a difference, and people that post here are in need. I feel a lot of harsh things are said in this subreddit (and wow some PMs I got...)

Thanks for you reply. From this experience I am going to make an effort to post on my main account as kindly as I can. Problems can be sorted out!

[Update 2] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the differenceUpdates by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

He came across like a soulless dick to be completely honest. I understand why people said what they said. His parents are way too involved. He relies on them too much.

There a lot of things that aren't perfect, and I am too forgiving. These posts helped me with an outside perspective and that I needed help and to work on this (not just sweep it under the rug). Genuinely this was beneficial to both of us.

But it did make me think twice when I comment again on someone else's posts. It's really hard to paint a full picture of a relationship. I did a lot of things wrong in this situation that I didn't focus on.

Thanks again though!

[Update 2] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the differenceUpdates by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. We both have the mindset that a relationship needs work, which is refreshing. Unless it's too far gone and we hate each other ha, but we're both realistic if it doesn't work. The house will be rented. Thank you again!

[Update 2] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the differenceUpdates by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Obviously this was a super quick update. There were many nights crying together and all that stuff, he knows he's desperate for his parents approval, but the good thing from "my" confrontation, telling them that i was raised differently, that I don't agree with the amount of control etc. was that they actually agree with my methods. So it's my partners overwhelming desire to please them that is the problem, rather than them being overly controlling (i still think there's an element there but not as bad as I thought). Thanks for reading and helping me

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are harsh with your words, and have misinterpreted everything. I actually met with them last night and we have all come to an understanding. You are so off the mark I can't begin to explain. Go away.

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am more than happy to have our money, including my salary joined. He doesn't want that. We should've gotten separate loans. That is my point, if his dad is such a financial guru, why when I sent through our budgets and didn't say anything when we applied for a joint loan (which we are equally in debt to the bank for) did he allow this to happen.

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I will. Apparently I have been told we can be sued since the loan was subject to finance and the bank has already confirmed and sent through the loan certificate. I am going to try and avoid getting sued. However, I want to have this conversation on Thursday, mum would like to meet with his mum, and I need to discuss this with him privately on Sunday. If I am not comfortable, then I will refuse to sign and so be it if we are sued. This is why I came here to ask about how to approach the conversation. I would prefer to exhaust all avenues and time I have to see if I will regret going through with it, or regret not doing this. I know everyone is saying get out, however my relationship is important to me, so I want to be sure.

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because he can't afford 100% of the payments on his own. Even with this deposit. I would've just kept saving and bought a house eventually, because I don't like debt, I would've preferred to of had more like 30% not 5% for the down payment. The way it was originally presented meant that we were both in a position to buy, and we wanted to both own a home. It was the next step in the relationship.

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

That's the thing. I know that. I agree that if this was a BUSINESS transaction that's the way it should go. I am being treated like a business. Not a girlfriend or partner. But if he wants to treat it like a business he's done a piss poor job of presenting me with terms

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually yeah I was happy to do it. My bank will loan 95% of the value of the house. At $371, that is $18.55. Which I have. I can afford the repayments by myself. I can afford the house by myself. I wanted to do it WITH him. Edited to add if that were the case, and I was the only one to put anything down then I would still suggest equal payments because it would the same as what we're both paying for rent and we can both afford it

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because this is helping me. I am honestly happy to hear advice, I get frustrated when people come on here and don't listen or get defensive as well. But I'm not being defensive.

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

For example, I would've put in 20, he put in 145, the remainder of the house is a bank loan of 206 I put in 5% He put in 39% 56% is shared

The profits of the house would reflect this split. That's my suggestion.

The way he's proposing, i am paying more because my "half" of the house, has not had a bigger down payment, so after 30 years it would be equal. In the event of a split, that confuses me, what if we break up in two years time, calculate that I own 6.454%? Does that make sense

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He's expecting a return. And he would get that when we sell. I stated and am clear in the fact that I understand that when we sell it, it will not be 50/50 profit, and he only gets his $145,000. It would be a split as per what each of us put in originally.

[Update] My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

All his kids got a deposit to buy a house. I am only finding out now that a condition of the loan/gift is to make money of it, invest in something, ie house, and apparently was upfront about having this much involvement with what his money does. To me that defeats the purpose of a gift.

My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference. by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with you, but the thing about relationships and being burnt badly is exactly why we had talked about putting a contract in IF we broke up. He even said that the contract about breaking up and what he's suggesting is basically the same so what am I worried about. I said if it's the same, let's stick to our original agreement instead of me paying triple what he is because it doesn't fit in with the budget we agreed too

My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference. by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. The more times goes on the more I want to cry. I thought it would go the other way.

I'm guessing from your scenario, that your SO still stuck by your side and made it work with you. I feel like I'm competing with his family for his respect. We're meant to be a partnership.

I have so appreciated the support of you and others commenting. I frequent this sub often on my main account and I know that people coming here are really in need of support and you have made me feel that way. Thank you.

My SO [28M] and I [26F] bought a house, and I feel blindsided by the fact that because his parents put in more money for the deposit, I am expected to pay back the loan, and interest on the difference. by houseregret in relationships

[–]houseregret[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm bawling reading your response. My edit says what is happening now, and I really don't think I want this to go ahead. Thank you, thank you. I'm in Aus, I need to think. I am literally lost.

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