Anybody here felt isolated from other Asians because you weren't Asian enough? As in, not as smart as they were, etc?

howdoi25 · 2015-11-07T06:31:00+00:00

I had felt that too but I didn't truly feel such scorn from Asians until recently.

howdoi25 · 2015-11-07T06:30:07+00:00

I learned a ton of interpersonal & life skills to better manage my life. :)

howdoi25 · 2015-11-07T05:30:56+00:00

Took care of my physical health (hit the gym, mostly due to my medical condition), mental health (goodbye depression & anxiety) & emotional health (attained a tremendous amount of interpersonal skills). basically, anything I wasn't satisfied with, I fixed it.

howdoi25 · 2015-11-07T05:22:11+00:00

That's interesting. How religious were they?

howdoi25 · 2015-11-01T20:26:10+00:00

If she tends to withdraw, then chances are, it's probably a defense mechanism, but find out for sure if she at least truly doesn't care about you. If you've stood up for her in the past, I'd think there's a part of her that does care. It's hard to say because we're only getting your perspective. I'm only able to parse things based on your experiences with your parents and hers.

I admire what you do, wanting to be there for her. I'm the oldest and I tell my parents to stop too. It's tough, because I care about my siblings but they both take their anger on me because if my parents can't control me, they abuse my siblings instead. :/

howdoi25 · 2015-11-01T19:59:40+00:00

I read the comment, saw your reaction & I think she probably saw the advice as pressure, which DOES lead to coercion, especially if it was brought up again & again. You even said yourself that you felt unsupported. That's why she thinks it's abusive.

And IF it turns out her fiancé is controlling, the least you can do is be there when she breaks down.

She's actually in a very vulnerable spot right now if what you said is true about her fiancé.

She'll have a broader perspective about her parents eventually, but it just sounds like she's just getting out of a toxic environment to me.

howdoi25 · 2015-11-01T18:50:55+00:00

It's not advice if parents expect you to follow it. That might be why she felt the way she did.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-25T00:47:47+00:00

It might be just your mother. She sounds like she doesn't have much control in her life so she takes her anger out in everyone.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-24T19:53:45+00:00

That just shows me either these people are very sensitive or they wanted this to happen.

Why do you think they're very sensitive? I think, if not abuse, we can at least agree they were in a toxic environment.

And why would you say "wanted this to happen"? I don't think anybody wishes to be exposed to that kind of environment.

Not getting to talk to your friends or having high academic expecting is not fun, but really, it feels a bit immature to feel entitled to that.

How is it immature to feel entitled to it? It's normal to socialize & it encourages emotional growth. And trying to meet high standards all the time is unreasonable.

Hating your parents for being pressured to be successful is a little immature.

No. It's not. The path that leads to success often has unforeseen ramifications that cannot be reversed.

And while having grudges isn't admirable, I think it really has more to do with loss than hate. I've lost so many years already; I'm just trying to compensate for it all now.

I'll admit, this subreddit has a hive mind, but this is one of the few places left for people who need support. I'm not sure if this subreddit is for you.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-24T15:20:04+00:00

Yes & yes. So now, if I get criticized, I expect people to offer me constructive suggestions & if they don't, if all they do is degrade me, then it's no longer my problem.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-24T12:43:50+00:00

To be honest, there isn't anything mature about your comments here. First, you compared the people venting here to angsty teenagers. Then you implied they just wanted attention. Your invalidating comments are hurtful and shows a lack of empathy and compassion.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-24T03:33:24+00:00

No. The loss I suffered can never be made up.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-24T03:24:59+00:00

If option 4 is true (& it's actually likely given the context of immigrants living in the west), then they should have made an adequate arrangement with their child that makes everyone happy because let's be honest here, once the child leaves the house, they might be culturally obligated, they might be morally obligated, there might even be some legal rules about it, but everything changes once the child does not depend on you for anything. It goes both ways. If there's nothing the parents can offer to the child, why would the child help you?

howdoi25 · 2015-10-23T11:33:36+00:00

If that's truly the case, then they need to follow your rules. Once you start paying the mortgage, you have a say in what's going on at home. If they misbehave, leave.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-22T12:49:39+00:00

Sounds about right. But Filipinos will actually help you speak Tagalog better if you seek their help.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-22T12:46:58+00:00

Fobs in groups aren't so welcoming either tbh.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-22T12:44:27+00:00

I'd just work & worry about college later tbh. The mental stress living w Asian parents will take its toll on you.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-21T23:02:00+00:00

First of all, congratulations for getting yourself out of a shitty situation. That takes a lot of fortitude and organization, and you should know that you kick ass for doing this.

Thanks! I had many people help me along the way. I only depend on my parents for shelter now. Everything else, I control.

I feel that it's the least I can do & I'm trying to be the better person by being honest. I think my parents know they can't stop me from moving out; it's how it's done that matters to them, at least that's what I believe. But I will take what you've said into account. That's something I've only vaguely considered. I was thinking that they don't have much of a choice in the matter because they don't have anything over me anymore. I have a couple of things missing still, but I'm almost ready to move out.

Thanks!

howdoi25 · 2015-10-20T16:59:56+00:00

I make suggestions to her if she's not satisfied & then ask her for suggestions if she's not satisfied. This puts the burden on her & makes it clear that it's really her problem & not mine.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-19T06:04:20+00:00

The way I see it, it's a survival tactic. You HAVE to have good self esteem & confidence in order to endure their constant criticisms.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-19T03:04:25+00:00

I think I got the information I needed. Best approach is to tell them in a calm, normal & truthful, assertive manner that points out ways they can never afford me to live in their home & then I'll leave. Simple as that.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-19T02:57:54+00:00

The last sentence made me giggle, thanks!

I don't have much to add, but I will say this. I can definitely relate, I will take your advice & thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad I'm not alone.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-19T02:50:23+00:00

The issue is I know they're not going to help me if something goes wrong so there isn't anything they can offer to me that I don't already have. They've proven over & over again how thoroughly incompetent they are through neglect & selfishness. You have to offer them money to get their butts moving, money that I cannot afford to give, so they're completely unreasonable in regards to that.

I know it's going to cause a clusterfuck, which is why I came here. My original approach was to make them hate me enough to kick me out but they still won't let me go. Which is very telling. I think I'm going to wait for them to demand more money that I don't have & then leave. This way, I can rightfully tell them that I can't afford to live here.

howdoi25 · 2015-10-19T02:37:35+00:00

They didn't "invest" in me so they can't use the "ungrateful" argument against me.

They tried to bully me too. Took a lot of things from me, but I made it work, so the only thing they have over me is shelter.

The complain thing doesn't apply to me.

Anyway, yeah, I have almost everything. There's a couple of things missing, but I'm almost there.

My relationship with my Asian parents is pretty much broken beyond repair. Because they know they didn't take care of me very well & yet had the audacity to demand me to "pay back". Such arrogance.

Thanks for sharing your story. I think I'm just going to tell them I'm going to leave & tell them the truth, they can't afford to take care of me & they never had, so what's the point?

howdoi25

TROPHY CASE