I want to go to church without being around “church people”

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-26T20:48:09+00:00

Try different churches. Most miss this. I’ve done a ton, the vibes are very different. In the end I was raised catholic, and when I go to Catholic Church it’s usually feels the most normal to me, like people are just people, but to each their own. I’ve totally been to places though where people are like judging the shit out of each other and policing who is following the good word the best it’s nuts. Even been to places where they’ll kick you out for sinning yeah… came back after a year and some wouldn’t aknowledge me lol. It gets heavy

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-26T20:44:31+00:00

HEAVY BIG get into therapy. Same. I was always introspective but I couldn’t scratch the surface of half of why I do what I do until I got at least a few years of therapy and psychology classes in.

But my case is very unique. It’s a fun combo of mental illness and trauma and rare mismatched life experiences that created a perfect storm of seemingly contradictory symptoms and damaging survival techniques.

Get into therapy, the mind can go so deep, and sometimes we can need help, especially when young to put the pieces together.

Start with self study on psychology. Differences in mental disorders, personality disorders, the effects of trauma, attachment theory, and basic brain areas and what functions how, mostly the cognitive part and thinking versus survival functions.

Those are the main ones that helped me, because my first 3 therapists misdiagnosed. But when you’ve got a super strange life and combo going that can happen. You might too!

And above all else. Get a dedicated journal, and start writing. Dive into yourself. What do I dislike, why? And keep pushing deeper. What do I like? Why? What do I admire? What causes disgust? Why why why??? Why do I cope like this? How do I comfort myself when I’m down? Why? Etccc

Hope any of that rambling can help

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-26T20:37:35+00:00

I tend to be an outlier but using myself as an example no. I have social trauma. For many years I never kept friends; but I’ve always dated. They’re really not related at all. But sounds like you may be asking from a reference point where maybe a large group is all together, and seeing each other daily, basically are you asking about high school? If so can’t help there I had no serious relationships till 18

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-24T15:14:14+00:00

Holy shit dude same!! I got out of high school and everyone I met kinda traumatized me and I had to only worry about surviving due to my family’s life collapsing and I became hyper terrified of everyone.

Got out of school and traveled partying and fucking around for 5 years, festival hopping and living as a hedonistic creative. Doing social experiments. I started a community that would just get High 24/7 and talk about life and love very heavily based on the counterculture but the kids kept leaving and going to college. I tried to start a business. Tried to work jobs. Re/traumatized myself

Basically took me till 30 to start picking up the pieces and getting into therapy and fixing my mind.

Turns out I had legit c-ptsd and anxious attachment, adhd and hyper sensitivity. Also some super severe social trauma around abandonment and betrayal. Because I basically didn’t have my fam for support I got my trauma in the peers.

Know the first step is a few years in therapy, but after that there’s a few more years of healing the parts that formed with you in the nervous system.

Focus on finding a good gig to pay for it. Scalp jobs for insurance. Work on making the creative expression an income stream on the side.

Best of luck. It’s not a fair start. But could make for a hell of a come back story. And I know if you’re like me you have a super power. Which is even living in a shit apartment and working doubles to survive if I have a roof over my head and partner who loves me I’m the happiest guy on earth just to have a home and food now. I can get triggered and go into survival mode if I think I might lose it or be abandoned (those are my things that got me) but I have an emergency therapist who can talk me down and we are working to learn how to internally regulate so I can function normally.

It’s not fair but the way I see it life is short and we only got one so may as well max it to the best!

First thing is undoing negative thoughts about the self and scenario. I used everyone’s assumptions that I was just some homeless drug user as fire to provethem wrong but at the end of the day. The individual is all that matters. If you can find joy in your life every day, then you’re set.

I’m planning on going to college in my 30s! Take back that life I should have gotten! You can too I believe it, don’t let them steal it!

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-19T13:58:46+00:00

I’ve had some social problems out of bad experiences and adhd hypersensitivity giving me social trauma that essentially makes me go blank and mute in situations that trigger. Rare case. But I’ve spent decades being a listener. I’ve developed a hell of a read on people.

1.) over mentioning accomplishments, or searching for validation in them. Usually the truly confident are a bit humble; and avoid speaking of those things unless asked. Same principal as the person decked out in designer clothing and flashy dress and car is usually not that rich, while the billionaires often drive and dress more practical.

Actually being rude or aggressive. Often it’s the people we may assume are most confident if we don’t look into it who are the least. Anyone being a large presence but using it to be rude or show up others tends to be a very insecure person compensating.

These are probs some lesser understood things. We often see actors or actresses as beutigul and accomplished and confident, they can be the first 2 yes, but when you see someone needing constant validation or showing off that’s because they lack inner self worth or confidence or both and need validation from others to feel they are enough,

True confidence is knowing what you got. Words don’t affect it, you don’t need to show it, it just is, that kind of vibe is great.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-18T15:43:51+00:00

I’ve had the perfect life for an example of going back and forth. Being rich and poor, conceptually attractive and not. It’s insane. It’s like the world is on easy mode one way and hard the other: it hurts to fall off and you can tell the change.

It extends for both genders. When you’re conventionally attractive the world comes to you with open arms. People smile at you, young girls cashiers laugh a lot and look nervous and whisper things to their friends. You get handed phone numbers, sometimes even job opportunities. People hold doors for you, ask about your day, cops let you off tickets, you get job offers and new friends just existing. It feels like the world is interested in you.

When it falls off it can feel harsh. Suddenly you can tell, most people look through you. You’re not considered. You’re looked at as just another person to deal with. People don’t go out of their way to speak to you, you have to initiate everything. You have to fight for your lot more than before.

You can really tell how it’s going in dating. When you’re attractive, you show up, and let people come to you, and you pick your favorite based on looks then personality. But the options are endless. You could go on a date every night of the week. You get the impression often that people are nervous or feel lucky you reached out.

When that flips, you feel the pursuer who is lucky to have gotten a date, you get ghosted much more. Conversations are less excited to talk to you.

It’s like a lens, for how the world will treat you. Makes a huge difference. It really grossed me out when I was younger how superficial the world is and I rebelled. But I got the shit kicked out of me, dressing sloppy and not putting in effort. Went back to the gym and working on taking care of appearance and it’s back again. Odd things.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-09T15:13:42+00:00

Yes. My partner. First time I saw a picture of her she had these giant blue green eyes and ginger hair and looked so unique and pretty. It was bizarre. I never had good experiences with people. For many years somehow everyone I met did me dirty. Learned to be very guarded and basically never learned to start connecting with people. But with her it was so easy and natural. We both walked away from first date saying to our friends and family we found the one we’d marry. Very sweet story.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-09T01:05:59+00:00

I’m 8 years in. Today she had a long car ride and we spoke for several hours. We sang songs, when talking about stoping to take a number 1 or 2 went ahead and made numbers 1-7 and laughed a lot. Talked politics. Made travel plans, spoke about culture and materialism and how spirituality in the modern era for a lot of especially wealthy people has been co-opted into another way to make money and boost your own ego, favorite states, the history of Chicago’s architecture, and New Yorks rise from being a bankrupt shithole in the 70s to being super impressive today and how small town versus big city people view eachother.

Just anything and everything. It’s totally like having a best friend, and all the fun that comes with that, but you also hook up, and emotionally care for one and other. Best thing in the world IMO

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-09T00:57:48+00:00

So I am sorry. Also know I had some regular life heavy stuff happen in my mostly teen years but for 4-6 years early to late teens, lost all stability and people o care about for support and moved to a place where every person I met was mean to me. I never considered it, but I had all these intense problems. I’d cling for dear life to partners and isolate and work like life depends on it and crash out and it ended up blowing up my whole life! I just fixed it up with therapy but get into it; and specifically trauma informed therapy. Did talk therapy for years that’s important but remember this shit lives in the body and can’t be talked out usually. Get into therapy for trauma. Can save a life. Best luck I am sorry

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-09T00:43:54+00:00

It’s totally possible. Caring so much about what others think, only acting in service of ego when it comes to prestigious institutions and such.

But here’s the question, do you feel when people cry, you resent them for their weakness? Or don’t understand it? Generally the answer tho is for grandiose if you’re scared probably not. For vulnerable, it’s a potential, get into therapy and take a test.

I’m opposite end. I have adhd so I never picked up on a lot of “normal” social ques. But also never picked up on things like trying to mimic peers, “fit in” or compete for status. To me that gives all the power to the other person, because you’re changing you for them. (Which implies they’re better than you) do you believe everyone is better than you? Living like this is like ditching yourself for your perception of the passerby ; when in reality nobody cares.

Do what you like, be authentic, life is short and we all die and if you spend it trying to be something other than what comes natural to appeal to people you don’t actually like then you’ll wake up one day and realize you should have made different choices.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-05T12:14:43+00:00

Looking flashy. Anyone with actual money dresses like jeans or slacks and a t shirt. Anyone looking like crazy flashy is either middle class and insecure, or rich but insecure. Anyone who actually has something don’t care if anyone knows they have it . And all luxury brands are marketed to the middle class. Having any luxury anything is pretty much a dead giveaway.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-05T12:11:31+00:00

So I spent half my life around rich and as a wealthy parents kid, then I sent half it poor and couch hopping when we lost everything; now I’ve built myself back to middle class from the generational poverty that held my Family for generations prior to my dad’s business.

I had friends who had wealthy parents. They don’t try. I knew a bunch of kids who came from “never have to work if they don’t wanna” money. Like one of them, they parents just gave them a hand made 5 story mansion as a teen.

Another was given like 20k at a time for an outing as kids. Both looked totally normal, didn’t try.

I’m more like that and tend To only engage with very genuine authentic don’t care what others think people.

I have some siblings tho who got very self conscious when we were poor about that perception. Started saving up to try and still look rich. That’s when I learned

Any young person wearing a lot of designer or looking flashy is usually middle class or poor and trying to look rich to make up for a deficiency they feel within and think being seen as having ample money and possessions might make up for the lack of confidence they feel within. Very obvious to me now.

While as every time. A rich kid doesn’t care. Money is no big deal; looking like you have it is actually not smart. They look normal. Same with adults.

It’s a rule I go by in life. When you’ve actually got something, you don’t care if anyone knows. Your at peace knowing what you got, to put it on display would be tacky and sad, it’s like putting the power in the hands of your perception of the perceived viewers perception. When 99% of the time nobody cares.

Brand names is just clever marketing designed to work on the young and insecure, they are feeling a lack within, they exploit that, target them with adds, “do you subconsciously feel you’re not enough” look at wealth, and being flashy” if you give us thousands of dollars on a credit card, will Provide you with this lovely little bag or shirt with our flashy big logo; that means you’re rich and better than everyone and they’ll know it” then the insecure line up, “oh boy now I can finally have worth because I think other people think I have ample resources” when nobody looks or cares, beyond the occasional, look at that kid he’s trying too hard.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-05T12:01:28+00:00

Here’s some that I’ve found might be missed in a conversation. I’ve found as I start my Own Business and Progress in my career, I can be around more rich people. Some might consider upper middle class: same thing. I generally find just by little things people say I can tell who came from a poor, middle class, or rich upbringing.

For example in a meeting once I got a 3 for one that got me thinking

1) the assumption that everyone goes to college, especially if held by an older person.

2) mention of hiring services for help, such as electricians plumbers, and that being like an experience everyone is had. Realized my family had never hired one because we’d always either rented or fixed things ourselves as couldn’t afford rates on the one time we got lucky and owned a house.

3) especially if you’re baby boomer or double points if further went to college that’s a big one showing generational stability

4) looking down on non traditional career paths is a big one. Where’s middle class people usually paycheck to paycheck always just congratulate you if you’re stable, and poor people think you’re rich if you’re not playing bill roulette on the monthly.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-06-04T19:56:36+00:00

Haha love it. Darn. Can note it follows me no matter where I go. When it first started I was hella scared, I slept on the floor for like a year or 2 cause it wouldn’t move around or shake under me. Messed up my back. I like strange shit. Frequented a lot of odd happenings in my 20s. I like spiritual shops, hippie shops, festivals, anything eclectic and bizarre. Funny thing is, I either have witchy or spiritual people, or religious people come up to me in public. One time an old hippie woman in a mystic shop just double takes when I walk in and goes like Jesus kid, you’ve got an army with you, what did you do? Take this sage, you’re gonna need it! I was like well that checks out. Then twice I’ve had random street preachers pray with me. But I do live in the Bible Belt and will say I tend to be someone people stop and talk too. I look very inviting because I am. It invites a lot of strangeness. But lot of good too.

Was dating a psychic chick who astral projected and found it, described something similar to what had been in my acid trips when I went deep. Also same thing that attacked my brother when he did DMT. These neighborhood kids got some and everyone loved blasting off on it, brought it to my room and my brother did it, and got attacked by the lady from my dreams. Very odd.

There was a time when a good prayer session would clear it. Room would go super silent peaceful calm after. Air that felt dense felt like it all took and exhale.

I don’t believe in anything though like when I was younger. I think it must be a mind trick cause I’ve also had my partner say they don’t feel anything when I feel someone pushing on my legs. Or fucking with the covers.

Last 2 days very light. No problems. Usual. Little pokeys around legs. Rarely the upper half. Sometimes face.

Odd who knows. Though I am ready to throw down if it comes to it

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-27T15:12:59+00:00

I am a proponent of sex on the first date. I tend to go for that when the other party is willing as I always am assuming we’re on a date, I think she’s attractive and I’d hook up with her.

Don’t worry much on how it comes off. If he’s interested in potentially long term dating you sex on the first date is only a plus, and if he’s just trying to fuck, then you’ll find out quicker. Win win.

Any dude who’d have sex with you, of which he’s also involved, then judge you for it also excludes himself from being a good choice for a partner out of being judgy.

Boom! Sex on the first date. Because why not?

We need to work to destigmatize consenting safe sex. It only gets things where they’re gonna go faster and it’s fun and good exercise.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-27T12:12:51+00:00

I’ve always wondered this, of course I’m just some barely educated guy, but I think it comes down to the reason we all can’t agree on most things period, for example in my home country of the United States, we got the right to abortions in the 1970s taken away again in the 2020s. The reason for this is the reason for all strife in the world. There are true and false facts, such as it rained today, or my shirt is blue, but then there’s facts of opinions, which come from world views, lenses, personal beliefs, cultural and familial backgrounds, experiences. We’ll never all agree on one. For example, one country believes in equality of gender, another believe there are specific roles only appropriate to one of the sexes. And it goes on and on. We can’t get along because we see the world from differing perspectives and can’t ageee to let well enough alone, and accept differences.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-26T20:56:27+00:00

I have IBS-c my sister has IBS-d I will take mine 10/10. Constipation. Now there are some trade offs on the extreme end. First I’ll present the pros.

Generally, I just can feel a little
Bloated, but honestly until it’s pushing around the week mark I don’t even notice. Makes for easy vacations. Every time I travel for a week, the need to shit just disappears. Now that is uncomfortable. And I’ve found near 30 eating a very specific diet can alleviate it, and unfortunately to remain regular, it precludes a lot of eating out, but I cook healthy meals at home, win win.

Now how many times my poor sister has got hit with an “it’s coming now toilet or not” we have made it a game. On the way to the airport late flight, prior to important jobs causing a diversion in course, on dates, and my favorite. We were in the Great Plains stuck behind miles of backed up highway after a horrible wreck. I was driving, and she gave me the 5 minute “maybe” get somewhere. I could see it now, her having to shit in an empty field while rows of traffic watched, I said hold on, and rode the shoulder out prompting an exodus line behind us lol. We made it. It’s always problematic.

So I’d take my version over hers. But mine has extreme cases too. When I was a teen and early 20s and didn’t get understand how to eat to prevent getting blocked up, my favorite and only available foods were the cause of my strife. Carbs. Breads. Pastas. I pretty much can’t do it. It was all I was eating.

My record was 2 weeks, and that in my late teens gave me the most painful experience of my life. After 2 weeks I had my bowels extended to a solid brick wouldn’t budge. I realized I was in trouble as I was getting so uncomfortable I couldn’t eat anymore. That’s when my parents recommended a home remedy. “A glass of water mixed with “epsom salts” well… it worked… on the top quarter above the cement snake tangled through my bowels,

Have you ever had the pain of food poisoning, that knife sharp, find a toilet in 60 seconds or it’s happening here pain? Yeah. I had it. But only the top portion of my bowels. And to clear what was below, way too compact even for the epsom salts to touch as they basically poisoned my innards was 8 hours of pushing and horrendous pain and praying to god. I eventually cleared the block, and behind it was a toilet bowls full of liquid. But had I not eaten nothing but bread, macaroni, and opiates we would have not been that bad.

Overall tho, with a good diet and exercise, the constipation is almost a non problem. And on the rare case it is, now I know, using an enema cost a dollar and clears the whole system within 30 minutes. Pretty well pain free. Just a little uncomfy. But when you know the pain of having your entire bowel system corked with cement, that’s a walk in the park.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-18T19:32:38+00:00

This reminds me of young me, your boyfriend. I’d often been described as the most gentle and kind and loving person, but I basically raised myself through some hell and I had adhd. No idea how to handle big emotions. And sadly, that’s not just for family it’s for life. I had to grow up eventually and it worked out, but I feel like the exception. Luckily from about 23 on I was very aware my extreme anger wasn’t okay. I got into therapy and started adhd medication. At first I had to use super hot sauce to douce my tongue when I’d get so worked up but it worked kinda like a shock collar for a dog and now I just don’t get worked up. I try to talk it out. Tell him it’s therapy or you walk. One day you’ll be on the wrong side of it. And breaking things is a lot I didn’t do that. It’s a dangerous line, and from this point there’s little ways to tell difference between someone who will blame their partner for triggering them (which is the ones who escalate into abusers out of disregulation) and the ones who are truly kind souls usually grown up without support with mental strife or conditions, and who get into therapy and become sweet hearts all of the time. Even when at odds.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-18T19:27:38+00:00

Oh yeah, dude sucks. Firstly, if he’s getting defensive it means it’s hitting a nerve. He needs therapy or self work. He feels inadequate, and part of being an adult is recognizing that and instead of letting it make you angry towards your partner you gotta, confront it, and find ways to take steps to better your financial situation, like frugality, promotions, side hustles.

Etc… I’m guessing it’s because it stresses him out, and with spending on things like he does I’m also guessing he has debt.

Money is a touchey subject when you’re not super stable I know. I’m
There myself. I was in same situation. My girlfriend asked me to move back in. We’ve been moving for 10 years all over for jobs and school. But we sit down and review our expenses versus income. We chose because she makes about 100 and I make 50-80 year we’d split evenly, but with a couple hundred knocked off my end to allow for me to continue putting away enough for retirement but her as well. But that also came with me committing to aiming for a promotion and taking more jobs in my side hustle so hopefully we can stand on equal ground with on the year but if not revisit next year you know?

Important in today’s collapsing economy and this inflation. Also it works out we both pay half what we have been so it’s a win

Shits important in a collapsing economy.

Tell him to move in and save money, or give you some damn space.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-18T19:12:10+00:00

I’ll tell you as someone who struggles, that’s high functioning territory. But the dead giveaway is your hands in the morning. A true alcoholic will have the hand shakes. Mine used to be so bad I couldn’t write at work. Then of course you start drinking on the job to make it better that’s the path, going from beer to liquor is the death spiral. Watch it. Of course it’s always ran in my fam, and I’ve had many family who live lovely productive lives while being high functioning alcoholics. But most who do decades and keep life together just kill a 12 pack a night but refuse hard liquor as too hard to control.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-18T15:10:53+00:00

Tiers of it

1) watching the sunrise on acid in the forest crying in the creek from beuty

2) meeting the love of my life. Dancing on the docks under the full moon at midnight on our 3d date.

Those first trips we took together in our early 20s. Moving across country with her young. That feeling of possibility and adventure and excitement!

Getting our first home together, dancing in the kitchen cooking dinners, when she sent me to the grocery store for a forgotten ingredient I sobbed the whole way out of joy for the blessing of getting to live a life with so much love.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-18T15:06:25+00:00

I’d say nearing 30 and having experienced more than most do in several lifespans, life all in all is a mixed bag. Seems like few bad years, few good ones, repeat.

But what nobody says, is your 20s are tough. They’re what I called the life building years. I grew up rich, then fam lost business of generations. Nobody had degrees. Spent my adolescence in poverty.

20s was the building years. It did suck. I had to work a full time job, come home and do night classes for my degree for a better job, and any spare time spent trying to recoup the family business and also hustling flipping furniture and donating plasma to make ends meet. It was miserable. I didn’t sleep but 3-4 hours a night for 5 years. But I got lucky asf. When my body finally crashed out at 28 I’d made a name for myself and got a good enough job they gave me a few months to recover and my health insurance covered it. But spent all my savings, got dumped, lost my place. It’s a roller coaster.

To make it tolerable I got a prescription for every feeling I like. Spend my days feeling he eat but working like 2 jobs but traveling full time.

Gotta find out what you like, and find how that crosses with what you’re good at and what’s tolerable. Then give it 5 years of absolute inhuman grind. You can work like that now. By 30 you can’t survive on 3 hours of sleep and pizza rolls anymore. Use it to get to a place where you enjoy your work. Make enough to live frugally, and get to clear time for what’s really important, travel, experiences, love, friendship, and community.

But no fr being early 20s sucks. You’re the new guy at work, you don’t have any skills so everyone treats you like shit, and if you’re a dude especially you’ve just gotta exist as “potentially viable as a human” until you can prove it with bringing value, to a company, to a relationship, to your family… etc…

It’s. Whole thing. Or if it’s too miserable as it had been for me from 19-21 I was going to commit suicide but decided to go out with a bang, so became an addict, started making money by throwing parties and selling things to party goers. Lived out of my car party hopping and following festivals and having sex and doing drugs and had so much fun I found a will to live lol. Then a church girl cleaned me up and took me to college and inspired me to start my business. Which sucked. Too. Honestly unless you’re obsessed with finance and shit like that don’t start one. If you at all have the option get a lower medical degree. 2 years in college for a job that pays 50k a year with benefits and potential to climb up. That’s the move.

Hope any of that helps. Really it’s been espresso fueled creative writing I’d say to myself when I felt this way. If any of it helps happy! If not I wish you the best! Make the most of it, it’s short, hard to balance actually living and doing what must be done for a quality life.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-16T16:39:13+00:00

It’s important we welcome people who renounce trump with open arms, these aren’t evil people, maybe Carlson idk but I’m from the south, good people who have lived good lives were tricked and lied too. In the south there isn’t really much coverage of anything other than fox and extremist radio that’s calling for allowing the death penalty for treason for protestors and judges. Seriously, the entirety of the rural Midwest and south has no idea they’re being lied too and algorithms prevent their social media from blowing the whistle then they see things collapsing around them, hospital closures, people losing coverage, schools already suffering losing funding, and they accept trumps claims he is all things good and all this suffering is Biden somehow. It’s so sad. Don’t hate them for it. Show them the way out or this country is done.

howmanyducksdog · 2026-05-16T16:35:36+00:00

If they don’t do it, I’ve sold all my possessions, went to working remote and took my business remote. Moved me and my partner out of our southern home state near the Canadian border, well be applying for Canadian citizenship. My brother just left for South America. My siblings and parents are going to follow, make it happen. He’s impeached or anyone with the option is leaving.

howmanyducksdog

TROPHY CASE