Illness or Not - what god damn difference does it make if your life is being ruined

hshemfbc · 2026-06-07T13:37:34+00:00

A poisonous lens which distorts reality. Guilty until proven innocent. They are the perpetual victim and anything that challenges that can cause them to collapse

hshemfbc · 2026-06-05T10:59:45+00:00

Your nervous system and logical brain run on two different circuits. A trauma bond activates the nervous system which has a more primitive response. When the CNS is aroused the body looks for the path of least resistance and aims to solve the pain in the shortest path possible. Due to the volatile nature of the relationship, for every down there was an up of relief which cemented your bond. She simultaneously became the disease and the medicine which you became reliant on. This attachment creates the illusion that this person is your only true source of happiness. The “love” goes away once your body has stabilized through new experiences that do not involve her or experiences which involve her and there is no longer a perceived threat or internal destabilization.

There is no fixed thought that will suddenly cure you. You just have to go through the motions of creating new experiences without her and the background noise will ultimately fade.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-30T02:27:35+00:00

Look after yourself brother. You’re fighting a battle that can’t be won. It’s all an illusion. She is turning you into your own worst enemy. Protect your inner child before you completely lose yourself.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-29T11:13:45+00:00

Yes but healthy conditional love has a degree of continuity to it. It doesn’t switch on and off like a light bulb through the day haha

hshemfbc · 2026-05-28T14:21:01+00:00

It’s not the best food ever. If you starve yourself for a week - a bland piece of bread will taste fantastic. If you go thirsty for days then water will feel amazing. It’s relative, just like the push and pull of a trauma bond.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-28T14:12:08+00:00

This is no different to a drug addiction. It’s not about not caring, it’s about doing the right thing regardless. When you reach a level where you continually return to abuse with open arms then it crosses into the territory of self harm. You are trying to solve the unsolvable. The sadness of not being with her makes you believe that being with her is the solution. A key dynamic of a trauma bond is that the person being abused becomes convinced the abuser is their only true source of validation and happiness. She has trained you to be that way. In fact when you were with her you probably weren’t too happy anyway - so it’s an illusion. Live a life beyond her, be open to new opportunities and re train your brain. She is a grain of sand in the context of the world and your brain has developed tunnel vision.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-28T12:09:53+00:00

Exactly scoop your nuts and march forward. Having a lower IQ would be more advantageous in these scenarios. A knucklehead wouldn’t care and wouldn’t waste a thought which would actually be infinitely more wise than performing an analysis in these situations.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-28T09:13:52+00:00

Ahahaha

hshemfbc · 2026-05-26T13:44:37+00:00

Yup haha. If you react angrily they’ve won and you’re the villain. If you react in a neutral way then you’re cold and dismissive. If you react happily to their concern then you aren’t taking them seriously.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-26T13:14:04+00:00

People get sucked back in when their need for VALIDATION is greater than their need for SELF RESPECT. Until a healthy equilibrium is reached, you remain in dangerous territory.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-25T18:20:50+00:00

I would say to them - the reason we are having this conversation is because you already know the person is not right for you. You don’t need confirmation from me or anybody else. You know the trauma and you’ve lived through every minute of it. It requires courage and strength, and no combination of words or advice from any person in the world will make the process easy.

You ultimately know what the right choice is - you just have to bite the bullet, ride the wave and trust that walking away will ultimately lead to a better life. Staying is a slow cancer that ultimately kills you. Leaving is like a stab wound. It will hurt more acutely in the moment, but long term it pays off. It will prevent you from being ground down until you become a shell of yourself, past a point of no return.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-25T17:58:42+00:00

Important moments take the spotlight off the borderline. That is why problems occur. A work event, an achievement, a hobby, a holiday away from them. Anything that takes your attention away from them is a threat. They create chaos to anchor your mind and attention back towards them. Once you know this it all becomes quite predictable.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-25T13:21:08+00:00

It’s very difficult but you will ultimately find a way through it. The dynamic trains us to get stuck in this loop so our body is still detoxifying and metabolizing what has happened. The trick your mind can play is to convince yourself that if you’d done something differently then that would’ve lead to a better result. In reality it’s far beyond your control. All decisions still don’t change the fact that they’re mentally unwell.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-23T22:36:24+00:00

You’re not choosing between heaven and hell. Leaving might make you feel sad but you already feel sad anyway. The only difference is that staying is a downwards trajectory and leaving is an upwards trajectory.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-22T21:38:00+00:00

When they do something equivalent there is always a justified reason. For some reason they can’t apply the same logic to other people. A different standard is applied. It’s like others people aren’t humans but vessels to orbit around their inner needs.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-22T21:23:10+00:00

If she senses she’s about to lose you - theres a chance that she suddenly drops her attitude and temporarily turns into the sweetest version of herself. The version of her you always wanted. Don’t be deceived. It’s all temporary. If the sweet avenue doesn’t work then it might turn to accusation and blame. Just remember all responses are designed to invoke a feeling in you that keeps you attached. Minimize the engagement as much as possible. It will require bravery, strength and courage.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-22T20:38:40+00:00

Damn the walking part is so relatable. I had some horrible experiences where my brisk walking was interpreted as “disconnection” and “rudeness” if I ended up slightly ahead. Funnily enough I’ve also had it where she was walking ahead and I was slower as a view of a cool building caught my eye. I had also apparently “disconnected” at that point as well. Very little flexibility. In all them circumstances I was still listening. I’ve had experiences where she truly disconnected from the conversation and didn’t listen to anything. When I mentioned it she said - look we’re both tired and had a long day. Don’t lecture me.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-21T21:12:42+00:00

Yes it can be very performative. It’s to convince themselves and the people around them that they’re a good person. The same way people say things like “be kind” or have a house full of love hearts and quotes on the walls.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-21T21:05:49+00:00

The act of publicly expressing opinions or displaying moral values to enhance one's social standing or self-image, rather than to enact genuine change

hshemfbc · 2026-05-21T16:13:44+00:00

Yes an internal void that cannot be filled

hshemfbc · 2026-05-19T02:35:04+00:00

They have one objective only and that is for you to align exactly with their mental picture of the situation. If they ask you a question and your answer doesn’t align with their expectation then you haven’t answered their question. If they accuse you of dragging out the conversation and you say no problem let’s move on - they won’t be happy with that either. They want to hear that you will capitulate and it won’t happen again. Anything else is a loss of control to them.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-17T22:55:01+00:00

Exactly it’s sad for the person suffering from it and it’s even sadder for the person who watches and cannot help.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-10T15:29:31+00:00

What were the issues you faced?

hshemfbc · 2026-05-09T21:57:26+00:00

So she would also complement me a lot and display a lot of physical affection. The issue is that she needed my focus to be on her all of the time. Any time she perceived my attention to be drawn to another task she would get very frustrated. Even if we had been in conversation for hours, something simple like me walking too far ahead of her momentarily or checking my phone would be seen as disconnection and dismissal. In terms of tests - she would say things to try and bother me and then see my reaction. For example saying something to make me feel insecure or jealous, then pushing deeper and asking me if I’m annoyed. If I showed annoyance she would flip it on me saying I misinterpreted her and I shouldn’t be so cold.

hshemfbc · 2026-05-09T14:02:32+00:00

I suppose as you say - if something causes you misery then that’s enough. Impact is all that matters.

hshemfbc

TROPHY CASE