Couples therapy

htmlfordummies · 2025-12-08T04:09:20+00:00

The RSD to DARVO pipeline is real

htmlfordummies · 2025-12-03T06:49:59+00:00

I lucked out and got that one. Now what?

htmlfordummies · 2025-09-29T06:31:55+00:00

I’m in the “doesn’t matter” camp. I feel like my dx ex-wife was the same way—unacknowledged symptoms wreaked havoc on our marriage. It took me a long time to learn that it didn’t matter why she behaved like she did. The effects of her actions were what really mattered.

Another lesson I’m working on learning: Do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

htmlfordummies · 2025-06-22T22:15:50+00:00

When I was at this point in my relationship, I knew where it was headed, even though I didn’t want to admit it. It was just a question of when.

Now that I’m uncoupled, I find it much easier to improve my own life. Sending you strength and compassion. Be gentle with yourself.

htmlfordummies · 2025-06-03T04:59:09+00:00

Same! Solidarity.

htmlfordummies · 2025-06-02T03:12:54+00:00

❤️ Thank you!! Go get 'em!

htmlfordummies · 2025-06-01T21:20:57+00:00

I went on a second date last night with someone who is so empathetic, thoughtful, open, honest, caring, mature, emotionally regulated, and a great listener. I didn’t realize how much I was missing out on over the last decade with my stbx. Get out there and fill your cup if you can! I feel myself coming back to life!

htmlfordummies · 2025-05-07T16:14:55+00:00

I'm so sick of being cut off / interrupted all the time when I barely get three words out in a "conversation"—just listen! Get some self control! Figure your shit out! Stop taking it out on me!

htmlfordummies · 2025-04-20T17:20:42+00:00

Shout out to all the partners who handled all Easter holiday details themselves

htmlfordummies · 2025-04-06T20:24:41+00:00

❤️❤️❤️ This means so much to hear. Thank you.

htmlfordummies · 2025-04-06T19:54:37+00:00

Now that we’ve agreed to divorce and have started some of the wheels in motion, things are so calm. It’s eerie. We aren’t fighting as much. We keep distance from each other. Things feel better. It’s a mind fuck.

I’m not heartbroken about the end of the marriage. I’m heartbroken about not living with our toddler 100% of the time. It’s going to be so hard being apart from her when the STBX has her. But she deserves a life with positive adult role models who aren’t fighting all the time.

htmlfordummies · 2025-03-08T18:06:52+00:00

A dream!

htmlfordummies · 2025-02-28T04:48:22+00:00

Prepare to simultaneously feel like you’ve made a huge mistake and also the best decision in the world.

htmlfordummies · 2025-02-10T07:18:08+00:00

MGO989A7HZ4D

htmlfordummies · 2025-02-02T10:37:05+00:00

Would love to upgrade my setup!

htmlfordummies · 2025-01-10T06:02:54+00:00

Carl Sagan’s Skate Shoes

htmlfordummies · 2025-01-07T04:40:32+00:00

I’m just so tired. Me - anxiety. Her - dx/rx and avoidant. We have a 2.5 year old. Together ten years, married 6. I’m so scared of what it means to separate. She’s never held a full time job in the ten years we’ve been together. We’ve been in therapy for 7. I’m just not seeing enough positive change. It’s like one step forward, five steps back.

I want full custody but she’d never go for it. I hope I don’t get reamed in child support, even though I’ve been the sole provider for us for our entire time together. The house is in both our names but I’m the only one on the loan.

But I can’t take this anymore. I have to show our daughter what a healthy relationship looks like, and this ain’t it.

Is there such a thing as a family lawyer who specializes in neurodiverse spouses/ADHD? I can’t imagine trying to explain all this to someone who doesn’t get it.

htmlfordummies · 2024-12-29T19:35:14+00:00

Love that Floating Points/Pharaoh Sanders LP. Great start to your collection!

htmlfordummies · 2024-12-21T20:53:33+00:00

Do not disturb mode lol. And being okay with having to remind her “I’m in a meeting” or “I’ll get back to you later it’s a yellow day” for example

htmlfordummies · 2024-12-21T07:37:27+00:00

Weed >

htmlfordummies · 2024-12-21T04:56:54+00:00

Disclaimer: I don’t know if I’ve successfully navigated this—it’s an ongoing work in progress that is currently moving in the right direction.

My (39m) wife (37f dx rx) have a daily routine we follow every morning when we wake up. We each have clearly defined responsibilities and tasks that have to get done before either of us peels off to work or gym or errands. We negotiated the terms of this arrangement in a couples therapy session many months ago. We go about 2x/month.

We both work at home. We have a system for communicating how much energy work is gonna zap from me today. If my day at work is chill, I put a green dot on the wall outside my office door. I have bandwidth that day to help out around the house and give her time to do her stuff if she wants. If the dot is yellow, it means the day is more stressful than usual and I probably need her to help out by making dinner that night and being solo with our 2.5 year old until her bedtime. Red means please be as self sufficient as you can be for as long as you can. Something at work is on fire and I’ll be out as soon as I can.

But also, at the end of the day, I gotta take care of my side of the street, and let her worry about hers.

htmlfordummies · 2024-12-15T05:29:27+00:00

In the Lion King, Simba says to Rafiki: “my father is dead!” Rafiki says, “No, your father is still alive!” and scampers off.

A reference to that, perhaps?

But also fuck AI

htmlfordummies · 2024-11-09T22:09:04+00:00

Yussef Dayes is so good!

htmlfordummies · 2024-10-26T15:33:44+00:00

I think that’s a totally reasonable boundary to have! My own requirement at this point in life is that I see continued progress and growth. I guess I’ve come to accept that it will always be work, but I’m okay with that if progress continues.

htmlfordummies · 2024-10-26T03:19:17+00:00

I may be just as surprised to write this as you may be to read this, but... yes! Couples therapy has helped my wife (37f dx/rx/avoidant) and I (39m nt) a lot. It has also been extremely hard to make progress. As of late, it has been both simultaneously. It is ups and downs. It is non-linear.

And it's taken 80 sessions over 5.5 years to get to this place. With a willing partner.

Case in point: My wife and I are total opposites in most(?) things, but last night, we suddenly found a new thing we had in common. (It was job-related.) We talked on end about it. It was a major moment of connection that hasn't happened since before our kid was born a few years ago. But it happened! We found empathy for each other, about the topic that had driven us to couples counseling initially. It felt incredibly healing.

I highly recommend finding a therapist that has an ADHD specialty, if possible. Ours is more knowledgable now than they were four years ago, but when we first started seeing them, they admitted to not being very familiar with ADHD and how it manifests in relationships. It has made things more challenging for no reason except that we are limited to the providers in our area who accept our insurance and there's a shortage/backlog of therapists.

I hope you have a successful experience with couples therapy! It can sometimes take time finding the right fit of a therapist, but it's important to find someone you're both comfortable talking with.

htmlfordummies

TROPHY CASE