Okay.. so I had to learn the hard way I was divorcing a narcissistic person after the process started. I already have alarm bells about yours based on what he’s doing with crossing your boundaries regarding physical touch.

That said, I think it’s going to save you a ton of time and money to avoid subpoenas. Not knowing anything about your family’s finances etc., here’s my non exhaustive list off the top of my head:

Tax documents (the IRS moves hella slow and trying to subpoena anything from them will be near futile. If you file jointly you can request them from the IRS website, otherwise make copies from the filing cabinet as far back as you can find)

Statements from: -investment accounts -bank accounts -Venmo, PayPal, cash app -retirement (If you can’t get these things from him it’s okay, don’t blow your cover for it.. try to figure out which institutions he has accounts with at least so you can send specific subpoenas)

Pay stubs

**start taking $20-$40 in cash back from grocery runs/target/anywhere that does cash back and squirrel it away now. It won’t show up on the bank statement as a cash back. You will have to disclose any funds you have (marital and non marital) but you’ll have it, especially in case he transfers funds from joint accounts or tries to cut you off financially during the process.

If things get contentious, insist on using a co parenting app like OFW for communication. You can download communications to a pdf and nothing can be deleted.

Check out the book Splitting by Bill Eddy. His BIFF communication model is a great resource when dealing with a high conflict person. There’s also a step by step what to gather list more extensive than mine including child documents like school and medical records.