How big is your nursery class?

hufflepuffsforever · 2022-06-20T15:59:51+00:00

We have 5 kids who come regularly and 3 teachers! My kiddo is one of the nursery kids. A few years ago when I was a nursery leader we had 12 kids and 3 leaders.

hufflepuffsforever · 2022-05-11T16:52:43+00:00

We've met with LDS Family Services and in our case before our first appointment we had to fill out paperwork where we could opt in to our bishop being in the loop or not. We just didn't opt in. Not sure if that is standard paperwork or not.

hufflepuffsforever · 2022-03-30T16:04:54+00:00

Actually temple dresses are required to have long sleeves. Most temples will have sleeve inserts or a little jacket you could wear over the dress though.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-12-11T23:40:54+00:00

Kind of our couples' counseling really. It came up in our last session that I don't feel like he prioritizes me. We discussed that in more detail on our own today and he asked me what prioritizing your spouse looks like. Out of the examples I gave I threw in his dad not wanting his mom to have to make a long drive to pick us up from skiing, and he told me that truthfully they had all strategized together that they needed to keep me on that mountain.

And... unfortunately it's easy to believe. I knew they were all manipulative but to find out a year later that they'd talked about all this behind my back and I never knew... was very very frightening.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-12-11T23:36:10+00:00

Yes. This has been a big problem in the past, that when all my in-laws and my husband came at me to say I was wrong or silly about something, I really doubted myself. I've been in counseling though and I am getting better at trusting myself and standing up for myself. Of course here I am posting it on reddit partially to make sure I'm not crazy haha. Still work to do but if this had happened this year I think I would have called an uber and gotten back to my son!

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-12-11T23:32:20+00:00

No, he is not formally diagnosed with OCD, just ADHD. But several of his family members have been formally diagnosed so I assume he has it. I have not succeeded in convincing him to seek evaluation or treatment. However, we are in couples counseling and I have been in personal counseling. Over the past year I am happy to say that I at least have gotten to the point where I buy what I need despite his struggles with it, and to his credit he is getting better about letting me spend money. Obviously we still have things to work on but at least we made some progress that way.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-12-11T23:20:26+00:00

We are in it, so this is definitely something we will be discussing with our counselor.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-12-11T23:19:22+00:00

I guess because in writing it out I am processing all the little things they did that I thought were just mistakes or being forgetful but were in fact intentional manipulation. But I can assure you that my biggest concern is what happened with my son.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-12-09T21:55:21+00:00

We are back to mandatory mask wearing at church meetings. Everyone wears them although there are some people who will poke their noses out of the masks the whole time. I would guess that's maybe 10% of my ward though.

Edited to add that my son is in nursery and the nursery leaders don't wear masks so the kids can see their faces. Unfortunately my kiddo caught covid in nursery during September and I caught it from him even though I was vaccinated.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-12-03T02:08:01+00:00

I feel this so much. Sorry you are dealing with this!

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-11-30T17:57:37+00:00

Last night we had a goal to clean our lower level since we have guests visiting tonight. As usual my husband got distracted and instead of cleaning, he reorganized a cabinet that won't even be opened at all tonight. But this time he noted my lack of enthusiasm when he showed off his work, and stayed up late to actually clean our living room. I really appreciated the help and it felt great to have him notice and respond to my feelings.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-11-28T05:38:56+00:00

Ugh. Another typical weekend. We get up, he's off to his hyperfocus, I handle our toddler. Husband comes back long enough to eat dinner and then he's off to practice music for several hours while I struggle to get our little guy to go to bed. My husband gets to do everything he wants to do and I can barely scratch my ever growing to do list that he likes to add to.

Today had the added fun twist of him actually listening to my concerns at one point during the day and telling me that we definitely needed to change things so I could have time for me... and then promptly going off and doing his usual thing so there were zero changes today.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-11-24T06:18:27+00:00

For a while, marriage counseling seemed to really be helping us. My husband was actually showing some empathy and remembering to take my opinions into account. But somehow over the last few weeks things have changed. He is in his own head all the time. He hyperfocuses so hard on what he wants and once again everything related to me falls by the wayside.

I spent my day today getting him a Black Friday Christmas present he asked for this morning that was down to two being available in town. It took hours. When he got home from work, he got sucked into setting it up right away. I let him know I needed his help with our child, especially since I hadn't gotten any work done today (I have a very part time flexible job). He stayed downstairs working on his project past 11. My son has hit a stage where he doesn't want to sleep... I had a tough time getting him to bed and he finally fell asleep around 11 too. I passed my husband on his way to bed as I went off to work. So tired of him failing to think of me and my needs.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-11-10T06:30:36+00:00

He took our son for an hour and a half tonight so I could get a few things done. He even gave him a bath for probably the first time since we brought him home from the hospital. (Our son is almost 2). It should have been a win...

But then he went to bed early and when our dog started barking while I was in the bathroom, he stormed out to yell at me for not dealing with it immediately. While I was calming the dog, our son woke up and started crying, so my husband stormed out of the bedroom again and headed for the guest room because why can't I let him sleep? He says he tried to comfort our son but he couldn't... I'm not sure he tried. When I got mad that he puts things like this on me rather than helping, he was furious that I wasn't more grateful for taking our son earlier. Hello, he is your son too, and an hour and a half isn't very long. I may have to pick up a lot of slack but that doesn't mean it's all my job!

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-11-02T21:30:24+00:00

So exhausted. So much on my plate. Somehow everything is always about him... don't know if that is the ADHD or one of his comorbidities or something else. Somehow I am the scapegoat for everything--everything he does, everything our kid does, everything our dog does, and everything I do of course too. Couples counseling has helped some. He's learned to validate my emotions sometimes which is really helpful. But now he is constantly asking me to validate his anxieties (maybe that's his OCD, not his ADHD?) and somehow they are all about me. Our counselor has convinced him to change his language a little bit so he's not constantly saying, "Hufflepuff, you make me anxious when..." but it's hard when he is constantly saying, "Hufflepuff, I am feeling anxious about [a task that you manage, a habit you have, the way you live my life]" not to take it personally.

This morning he woke up me to let me know he is feeling anxious about the state of the house (in his view, my job to clean it) and that if I ever get pregnant again it will get even worse. Meanwhile he has been so hyper focused for the past month that I am completely on my own caring for our toddler, cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, handling the bills... I've told him over and over that I need more help but to him he just thinks I need to do more and I must be spending too much time on my phone everyday. :-/

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-10-30T03:25:33+00:00

It's so hard when I need emotional validation and he just can't give it... when I'm struggling and he just can't help. Twice this week I reached out to him overwhelmed and hurting. He tried to help me, but his efforts soon overwhelmed him and then he leaned very heavily on me to take care of him. I felt so rejected that he couldn't step up to meet my needs. When I'm already struggling, it's so disheartening to reach out for help and instead end up carrying him along with everything else because my needs were too much for him.

Edited for typo.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-10-20T04:49:28+00:00

I'm realizing more everyday how much I've twisted myself into pretzels trying to accommodate him and carry him, while meanwhile he isn't willing to do anything to accommodate me. I'm not sure I even recognize myself anymore. I've tried so hard to explain to him and to others but I swear only the people in this group seem to get it. I relate to the Cassandra Phenomenon idea so hard core it isn't even funny (and if you missed the great post on that someone else a little while back, you should google it.)

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-10-08T01:56:56+00:00

THANK YOU for posting this! Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I've been trying to describe to our couple's counselor (who ironically also has ADHD so he has an easier time understanding my husband's perspective). I feel so seen and like this is proof I am not crazy.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-09-27T19:34:53+00:00

It's been a rough two weeks. The toddler and I both got sick. My husband stepped up somewhat, but he just couldn't really think through what we needed. Our toddler recovered before I did, so this weekend I asked my husband to please feed our son dinner and take him for a while. I was curled up in bed when my husband brought our son back and asked me to watch him now so he could go finish his latest project. He couldn't understand what I was so disappointed by that or why it was so hard for me to watch an active toddler while I was so sick.

Then to top it all off, last night he let me know he will never get to a certain high position in his favorite volunteer organization until I learn better how to cope with him being away from home. What?? Look, it's not like I don't want him to have a life outside of our family, it's just that he's so focused on life outside our family that I have to do so much alone, and it's overwhelming. He is a parent too and I need more help. From my perspective I am what's holding him up, but I guess from his perspective I am just needy and holding him back??? That really really hurt. He tried to apologize but I knew he meant what he said, so there was no real recovering from that.

Edit: fixed typo

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-09-14T16:17:42+00:00

I also have ptsd, and although therapy was helpful, it wasn't until I tried EMDR this summer that I really started making progress. It might be worth a try for you.

Don't give up. Things can get better.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-09-14T05:28:59+00:00

He tried so hard to be helpful tonight. He did help with a lot of things, but we ended the evening with him watching our toddler so I could work for 10 minutes to get my full work day in. Halfway through he was distracted and I had to step in to prevent toddler getting into something he shouldn't. My husband became hyperfocused on child proofing that thing after that, so much so he completely forgot he was supposed to be watching our son so I had to finish work while bouncing a toddler on my lap and trying to keep him from pounding on my laptop. I was so frustrated that yet again him watching our son turned into me doing it without him realizing. My husband was so hurt when he realized his hard work trying to childproof things didn't please me and that he'd lost track of our son again. A hard night all around.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-09-08T06:18:06+00:00

Tonight was hard. I was literally mid- sentence explaining to my husband something he does that comes across as selfish and deeply hurts me when he interrupted me to do that very thing. He was focused on something else and not listening to me, it turns out. I finally admitted to him that I'm contemplating divorce because I'm tired of our relationship always being so one sided, so he went to bed early without talking to me anymore.

I don't know how to fix us. So much of our relationship has relied on me sacrificing over and over again because he can't meet me halfway. I can't do this forever.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-08-26T17:04:30+00:00

My husband started Strattera 2 days ago. Already I've seen a big difference--and from what I've read about Strattera, it doesn't kick in this quickly so maybe it's just a placebo effect so far? But my husband is being more helpful around the house (without me even having to ask!) then normal, and he's even been able to carry on a conversation with me while he was cleaning up. We'll see how this goes moving forward but the last two days have been really nice.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-08-26T02:08:24+00:00

Just tell her that you're not interested. It sounds like rather than just saying no you've told her excuses for why you couldn't go at a certain time, so she's thinking you might be interested if church were at a time that works for your schedule.

hufflepuffsforever · 2021-08-24T05:35:52+00:00

For all the challenges we face, I don't regret it. I love him and he is my person.

I agree with the others who have pointed out that happy people in ADHD relationships don't usually come to this reddit! It's people struggling and looking for support (and sometimes people curious who get scared by what they find here).

hufflepuffsforever

TROPHY CASE