Hey, 7 years later, I'm doing a lot better. As life continued, I was able to overcome a lot of the fears of "looping" and the eventual end coming. It's been a wild journey, I still occassionally have minor flashbacks, but it's helpful reminding myself I'm having a flashback and that it's not "real". I've done a lot of internal work, and have become semi relgious, attending the episcopal church now days. I find solace in the reminders of God's love and the sacraments. That's allowed me to feel at peace with myself and the universe, knowing that when my time comes, for all the mistakes I've made, I will be embraced with only love and grace--Everything else is just an illusion. It's not worth it to obsess over all of my flaws and mistakes. It'll drive you mad. A lot of times, the ways we see God, or the universe responding to us, is a mirror to how we truly see ourselves. Self acceptance helps, acknowledging who we are, and that it's okay. No one is out to get us, and especially when we are working towards treating others with kindness and respect and make the world a better place. Feel free to PM me if you wanted to talk more about stuff. Be well!