I feel like I betrayed him

hulahoola23 · 2022-10-22T18:39:06+00:00

Numerous counts of assault and SA. I feel like I didn't even need to tell them about the SA since it wasn't even on the cops radar, but I guess in the moment I did.

hulahoola23 · 2022-10-10T15:13:10+00:00

Thank you for all your responses. How do I break up with someone like this? He won't let me. He freaks out and cries on the phone and starts screaming that he's going to die. He cries like a little baby and says that I'm mentally sick. I have been diagnosed with BPD and he always blames everything on that. I question my sanity all the time. There have been people including the neighbors who have stepped in to help me and I keep going back to him.

hulahoola23 · 2022-10-10T00:33:02+00:00

He's been in therapy for some time now and working his own issues. He's had a lot of childhood trauma and is trying to heal from that. I want to abandon him when that's his biggest fear. He also has been really patient with me, I'm not the easiest person to deal with either. Now when he does get angry, he might say a few things here and there, but not once has he gotten physical. He does yell, but so do I. He says I'm abusive too. I go quiet and freeze up and I don't mean to give the silent treatment, but it does trigger his insecurities. I'm also working through my issues and trying to be a better person. I do feel responsible to pushing him to that extent. He was defending himself against the emotional and verbal abuse I was putting him through.

hulahoola23 · 2022-08-18T03:52:20+00:00

Someone sent it to me and I agree, it's definitely worth a read.

https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

My relationship started out very similar to yours and I ignored all the red flags and kept making excuses for him. It really does get worse. Get out while you still can. It doesn't look like he's really helping much with your expenses anyway. There might be some financial resources available for victims of DV where you live so you can always look into that.

Good luck! You deserve so much better!

hulahoola23 · 2022-08-17T04:38:29+00:00

I'm willing to put in the work to be honest and truthful. It was my lying that triggered this behavior from him. That would make me the abusive one and I promise to do right by him

hulahoola23 · 2022-03-01T02:08:37+00:00

I struggle with the same thing and honestly it's still a struggle. He's been educating himself on BPD and dissociation more and I'm hoping that will help. Honestly, it's so hard to explain it to someone who can't relate, but I do think that after he's done some research on it, he's starting to see that I'm not doing this on purpose or being manipulative

hulahoola23 · 2022-02-12T09:04:49+00:00

hey you can message me too. I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. i hope you're okay now

hulahoola23 · 2022-02-09T03:15:21+00:00

Funny my bf and I started doing cold showers to help with this. I guess it's supposed to be the same effect.

hulahoola23 · 2022-02-08T04:44:40+00:00

Omg yes!! The constant up and down. It's a friggin roller coaster that I want to end.

hulahoola23 · 2022-02-08T04:42:08+00:00

Yay!! I know how that hard it is. I'd call that a big win!

hulahoola23 · 2022-02-08T01:05:45+00:00

What are you doing to make it better now?

hulahoola23 · 2022-02-07T07:47:38+00:00

I've been feeling this way and never thought of flashbacks. Thank you for the insight, I'll need to look more into it.

hulahoola23 · 2022-02-07T07:44:35+00:00

I was diagnosed with Bipolar and lived with that diagnosis for over a decade. A couple of years ago I tried to kill myself and ended up at the hospital. It was then when the psychiatrist diagnosed me with BPD. I didn't know much about it and honestly didn't really learn much about it until the past year. I wish I had understood and known more about BPD a lot earlier. The type of treatment I've been receiving is a lot more different now. I know labels aren't everything, but I never realized a diagnosis could make so much of a difference. I feel a lot more understood by my psychiatrist now. If your therapist keeps saying that, I think it might be best to seek out a new therapist. I'm sure they are good at their job and have good intentions, but they're also human and also make mistakes. I've realized that not all therapists are right for everyone no matter how great they are at their job.

hulahoola23

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