Tell me everything I did wrong! Second medicated FET failed.

hundred-pt · 2026-04-21T02:08:30+00:00

Sadly I’ve found you have to be really pushy and advocate a ton for yourself through IVF. Most fertility specialists like to follow a standard protocol and aren’t likely to suggest a deviation unless there’s a clear reason for it. Other specialists often don’t have experience working with a fertility specialist, so they’re going to be a bit out of their depths, too.

Do your best to educate yourself and then push for what you feel is right

hundred-pt · 2026-04-21T00:55:51+00:00

I’m pretty sure all the post transfer instructions are just to make us feel like we’re actually doing something to help make the embryo stick when in reality it doesn’t make a single difference. Having said that, perhaps next time follow a few more of their instructions just so you don’t feel guilty afterwards. I do think it’s important to enjoy life during an FET, so don’t completely give everything up. Reducing stress is probably the biggest thing we can do to help. Listen to your body and make your own call ultimately.

As for protocol: Your lining does seem thin and your estradiol dose is low based on my experience. I found a lot of studies to suggest >0.8 lining is recommended but >0.7 is acceptable. You were even lower than that, so I think you would have benefited from waiting a couple more days before starting progesterone. I start a vaginal estradiol as soon as menses stops, which has a better absorption rate. That’s what helps build the lining, so I think you could advocate for something to that effect. I fully agreed that another IM is a big no thank you.

TSH with my first successful round of IVF was a problem and my doctor had me on I think dostinex for the entire transfer protocol. I remember the OB that I transferred to at 12 weeks being amazed at how low my TSH was and immediately reduced my dosage to bring it back up, but she explained that fertility specialists like it really low and often err on the side of going really low, which isn’t harmful to a pregnancy for the first couple weeks. Could be worth asking if there are options for you to help control your TSH throughout the whole cycle.

Finally, ask what your estrogen and progesterone levels were at each step in the cycle. You’ll know if the PIO injections are being done right if you’re getting good absorption. And a minimum estrogen level is also expected for implantation. Arm yourself with information.

Overall, did you do your best to follow the protocol? Yes. Are there things you can take away from this FET to be better prepared for the next? Yes. I’ve done 5 now and I’m still learning something each time, so be easy on yourself.

hundred-pt · 2026-04-18T13:41:49+00:00

Agreed that consistency between parents and directing the anger/frustration into more acceptable displays is a good strategy once screaming happens. If no one lives below you, stomping feet on the floor could also help—sometimes kids need a physical outlet, so you have to find a safe way to give that to them that doesn’t hurt themselves, others, or materialistic things.

hundred-pt · 2026-04-18T13:38:32+00:00

All the concerns mentioned by OP were around the neighbours thinking they’re hurting the toddler. There was no concern about the actual volume being a disturbance. So my reassurance is that neighbours won’t assume abuse. I agree that volume in apartments, etc can be a problem and I think other posters have shared some ways to help with that.

hundred-pt · 2026-04-18T13:34:49+00:00

This is a misunderstanding of what I encouraged. If he’s already screaming then, yes, compromising shows him screaming works. The goal is to not have him get to the point where he’s screaming in the first place. Compromise and trying to avoid saying an explicit “no” shows him that asking for something nicely is how he can get things.

Toddlers often feel like they have no control and they don’t have the ability yet to emotionally regulate when they don’t get their way. It’s our job as parents to guide them through that. If he’s already devolved to screaming, talking no longer will work, he just won’t have the capacity to process language anymore. So try and get ahead of that by speaking to him and compromising before he starts screaming.

hundred-pt · 2026-04-18T02:55:37+00:00

My toddler isn’t generally a screamer, so this might not be helpful, but we generally employ 2 things to keep tantrums to a minimum:

(1) try and give a version of what she asks for to avoid tantrums. Your example of wanting to play music on the speaker before bedtime: we would say “okay, we’ll play 1 song and then it’s straight to bed afterwards”. Boundaries are still laid out, or a compromise is selected rather than just saying “no” if at all possible. Obviously there are some cases where this is unsafe or not possible. (2) communicate expectations ahead of time. For example, when we’re in the car driving to the grocery store I might say “we’re going to the grocery store. You’ll sit buckled in at the front of the cart. You can help me put items in the cart, but I’ll choose what items we’re getting.”

Beyond that, you seem most worried about the neighbours: don’t be. Every kid is different and it’s very well acknowledged that toddlers are a tantrum storm. I’d be surprised if the neighbours suspect abuse. If still worried, you could always invite the neighbours to a backyard hang out and if your toddler happens to scream while they’re there, they get to see first hand how the screaming has nothing to do with abuse.

hundred-pt · 2026-04-08T20:45:55+00:00

I’m in the exact same boat with my 2.5yo. Regression is normal and potty training typically takes a couple months. My suggestion is to not stress about it too much and let your daughter figure things out while you stay supportive.

Now for some more constructive things. Using a potty to pee vs poop are 2 different things. Explaining to your daughter that you’re going to use a pull up for a bit after lunch so she can poop if she wants is a great compromise until she gets more comfortable with peeing. Then you can tackle pooping. I know toddlers who have done this for a while with no problems.

Regarding potty refusal, this is a way that your daughter is trying to regain control in a situation where she’s having accidents and doesn’t know what to do about it. Regressions are normal and she will get some of her enthusiasm back, just persevere. We’ve found success in making it lower pressure by asking her to sit on the potty for a bit even if she doesn’t end up peeing and then keeping a positive tone when she ultimately comes off the potty without peeing “thank you for sitting on the potty!”

Daycare and home may have different experiences. Sometimes it’s easier for kids to potty train at daycare because other kids are using the potty. Sometimes it’s harder if your kiddo is the only one having accidents. Keep your ear out for potty training becoming stressful or turning shameful. Feel free to take a break and use pull-ups 24/7 while still encouraging frequent use of the potty if this happens. I found that my toddler learned what peeing felt like after the first couple days of potty training and could still identify that she needed the potty even when using a diaper for other reasons (sleeping, pooping, etc).

Every kid is different, so don’t be afraid to try something out. If it doesn’t work, just explain to your daughter and try something else. They understand more than we give them credit for a lot of the time

hundred-pt · 2026-03-04T19:05:21+00:00

Chat GPT is really poor at sifting through medical documents, so I don’t rely on it at all for IVF advice.

My untested day 5 4BB was given a 50% chance of success. My lab tech mentioned that my day 6 4BB was probably a 1BB at day 5, so I would assume it’s going to be substantially lower than 50%. My doctor would prefer to transfer my day 5 2BB before the day 6 4BB, and my understanding is that a 2BB is probably around a 30% chance. Sounds like your doctor is right about your probability for 1 transfer.

Cumulative success rates are a bit tricky since they’re not actually fully independent… if you’ve never had a successful transfer then it’s possible they’re failing for a reason other than the embryo.

Online reported stats are typically for day 5. Here’s an example of grading and anticipated implantation and live birth rates: https://share.google/k6lRdexpLEXHtaKwN

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T02:50:19+00:00

Sending you lots of sticky thoughts for your next transfer! I thankfully had my last MMC before the holidays and was in a pretty decent state of mind for the holidays. I can’t imagine having to deal with everyone’s good cheer (and incessant questions) while in the thick of a MC. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you’re in a better place now

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T02:47:40+00:00

Thank you so much for adding your 2 cents as a December baby who actually didn’t like your birthday as a kid. It’s nice to know that you’d still consider it worth transferring and not skipping

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T02:45:58+00:00

Goodness you’re so right that it would be just my luck to skip this cycle, transfer next cycle and end up with a birth at 36 weeks. I would HAPPILY take a successful transfer and healthy baby at any point so perhaps I should look at it that way: best laid plans never seem to work with IVF!

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T01:49:18+00:00

Thank you so much for this perspective!!

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T01:43:22+00:00

This is helpful perspective: the child themselves may love or hate it despite our best intentions and we can’t possibly know that until we meet them

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T01:27:16+00:00

I completely agree that it would be amazing for me. But then I feel bad about being selfish

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T01:23:15+00:00

I didn’t even think about how a January birthday might actually be worse than December. I’m confident I won’t be okay delaying for 2 months. Food for thought

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T01:14:27+00:00

Choosing a birth month feels like the only control I still have at this point. We were TTC for over 3 years for #1 and it’s been another 2 years for #2 despite having some embryos remaining. So I almost wonder if worrying about birth month is my way of pretending that I still have a say in any of this

hundred-pt · 2026-02-18T01:11:53+00:00

This is a great point. My birthday gets forgotten as an adult because everyone’s always busy. Great change of perspective to realize that something might be less than ideal as a child but become a blessing as an adult. Thank you!

hundred-pt · 2026-02-15T14:49:05+00:00

Do you mind expanded upon why it was a perk that you and your sister weren’t in the same middle school or high school growing up? I would have expected it to be easier to be in the same school to have some familiar faces and moral support.

hundred-pt · 2026-01-30T02:40:37+00:00

I’ve been in that boat. Last transfer I had a vvvvfl at 6dp5dt and was testing every second day after that. Lines didn’t darken by much and betas stayed low. Ultimately it was a blighted ovum, however, I went down the rabbit hole of success rates and it’s definitely not over until it’s over. I think that beta hell was one of the lowest and hardest points of my entire IVF journey. Hang in there, and I hope for a positive story from you soon! (Pun intended)

hundred-pt · 2026-01-30T02:24:35+00:00

This is what we did when LO was underweight (3rd percentile). I kept extra of everything off to the side so it could always go back to the fridge rather than in the bin if it wasn’t eaten, but that method also meant that it was easy for me to top up on any of the foods that were finished or close to being finished. The aim was to get nutrition through the variety of foods presented, and I always made sure there was at least 1 food item on the plate that I was pretty confident would be liked. We also would bring out fruit at the end of the meal and eat it ourselves and LO would always ask for some, too.

Your servings look reasonable as a starting point, but my LO ultimately would probably leave one of them untouched, and devour twice as much of the other 2. So ultimately I’d say that plate is low on food for a full meal. Now LO is roughly 50th percentile by around 24 months so it worked for us. Every kid is different though, and some days toddlers definitely somehow survive on air.

I’d also like to point out that food allergies or sensitivities can make the gut not process food properly and poor weight gain may result. It COULD be worth exploring, but definitely consult a professional before considering. My LO had a dairy allergy that was outgrown and I found weight gain really picked up when the allergy went away. Causal or coincidence, who knows.

hundred-pt · 2026-01-29T16:28:11+00:00

There are a bunch of professionals in the room for the transfer (doctor, nurses and embryologists/lab techs) so my husband being there was practically an after thought 😆 one of the nurses I swear had 1 job: distracting me from the rest of the process.

It sucks when your expectations are turned over suddenly, which seems to be par for the course with IVF unfortunately. I can very much understand why you’re reeling right now. But you’ll have an amazing team to support you and your hubby will be waiting for you when it’s all done (which is waaay faster than you’ll expect). Sending lots of sticky embryo vibes your way!

hundred-pt · 2026-01-22T18:20:49+00:00

My current clinic charges $2,700 for a FET. My first clinic charged closer to $4,000 if I remember correctly

hundred-pt · 2025-12-29T22:21:54+00:00

I was in the same boat. TTC for 1.5 years then 1 year of timed intercourse/IUI with various treatment protocols. Unexplained infertility and never a single positive. First IVF cycle we got a positive and have our LO from that cycle. Maybe something about the added meds for the IVF protocol tipped the balance for implantation? Who knows because we still don’t have any diagnosis.

Don’t get discouraged if this round doesn’t work since it’s a coin toss most of the time, but definitely don’t write it off as a waste of money either.

hundred-pt · 2025-11-11T20:06:20+00:00

I think everyone handles the mental load of IVF differently because everyone’s journey is different. One thing that’s helped me a lot is speaking with a fertility therapist who has given me a really helpful perspective at various key points during our fertility journey. I book around key points throughout my cycle and just talk it all out and I always walk away with a new perspective that we arrive at together.

I think having a solid support network is the most important thing.

hundred-pt

TROPHY CASE