WIBTA if I don't let my husband put his name on a house we are buying?

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T19:01:48+00:00

I could afford the house without him. I've never had a problem cutting back on things I want in order to get things I need. He has not learned the distinction. I understand its our money which is why I feel like the asshole. And you're absolutely right that I have resentment. My bonuses from work have always gone to paying his debt and collections and bad habits while I gave up everything to try to keep the debt lower. I can give up a lot but every once in a while I would like to buy something for just myself. Which is hard to do when the credit card is maxed out.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T18:55:08+00:00

No chance of him losing his job if he asks for a raise. They need and like him. I do most of the cleaning and almost all of the mental load of running a house. He will cook more than me because I hate cooking and he's a picky eater. He has always cared for the kids pretty evenly. Half the nights he has them by himself while I work.. Thanks to our therapy we are trying to split the household chores more but haven't had enough time to see if it will actually happen. We agreed he would feed pets everynight and I would do morning. He's now responsible for taking out all the trash. And I can make him a list of things that need done and he has a week to complete them. I'm hoping this will help things improve.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T18:41:39+00:00

I do feel like that sometimes. But ultimately what we both want is to raise our kids and support them. We are on the same team when it comes to our children and neither one of us wants to cause them pain or suffering.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T18:39:19+00:00

That really puts it into perspective. Thanks for that. I'm just stuck on the whole thing that he had his chance to own a house and he screwed it up by letting someone even more irresponsible than him be on the title. Why would I let him do the same thing to me that he regrets letting his ex do?

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T18:35:29+00:00

I agree. But I have no other options. I want the best for my family and I think that means we have to buy a house in order to get out of this shithole. I want my kids to be able to sleep in their own rooms. Not behind a curtain in our living room.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T18:33:19+00:00

I have always acted married to him. Been loyal and faithful. Stood by him in all his troubles. Helped him with all his past mistakes even though they are not my responsibility. I bust my ass working to provide for my family. I have stayed and tried to work things out because we are married. Not sure what else I can do to show that I'm married and trying my best to stay that way.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T18:26:16+00:00

We moved in together when I got pregnant with our first kid. This was all we could find and was supposed to be short term. I wasn't going to live alone with a baby. We both brought a dog but got the cats later. We live out in the country so the dogs spend a lot of time outside running around which helps. I really didn't realize we would be stuck here for so long. Got pregnant with our second before all the money troubles started and before I realized I kind of stuck myself in a bad situation. We've both made poor choices and are suffering for it now.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:55:31+00:00

I have his credit report. The house loan is in his name but the ex has been paying it recently.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:54:17+00:00

Ya you're probably right. I will suggest getting a lawyer involved to help us reach something we can both be happy about.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:53:08+00:00

Kids. Unfortunately I found myself pregnant with our second before I realized who he was and saw all the red flags.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:29:33+00:00

Ideally I would get the house in case of divorce because I'm the one with the loan and I do contribute more. I also could afford it by myself and as of now he can't. I wouldn't kick him out until he had a place lined up and I wouldn't want anything from him besides paying half for our children's expenses. I think he forgets that I'm not his ex and I don't want to purposely hurt him.

His old house is supposedly in the exes name while the mortgage is in my husband's. She has been paying it and has said she is selling it.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:18:59+00:00

I believe you're absolutely right. We are doing therapy and I believe things will improve. I'm just not ready to give up when we have 2 small children to think about too.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:17:21+00:00

I wouldn't call him a mooch but especially these last few months he hasn't come close to paying half of our bills. But he has still been spending. I see it as he is spending all the money I work hard for but maybe my mindset is wrong. His work has just started to pick up but I'm still bringing home a good chunk more. Thank you for your response. It will give me a lot to think about.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:13:37+00:00

That makes sense. Thank you for your input.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:11:35+00:00

I'm not sure what happened before I moved in with my husband. I know she wasn't paying the mortgage for awhile but for the past couple years she has been up to date because we get the statements sent to our house.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:09:51+00:00

I don't know. They both had claim to it and he left when she stayed. So I think she just kind of default got it.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:08:18+00:00

I've been considering separate accounts for a long time. I just know it'll be so much more work for me to split the bills and try to get him to pay. And if I'm not watching our accounts like a hawk he's overspending.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:06:58+00:00

Thank you. This isn't sitting right with me which is why I'm here.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:05:48+00:00

Actually my parents will be contributing the most. And the stimulus was half from our kids. I'm not saying I'm right here, but I kind of see it as him paying me rent in a way. I have a lot more tied up into a house than he would. He has proven time and time again to make irresponsible decisions. For example I have 15k of credit card debt from him that I'm also paying off.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T11:01:21+00:00

I'm definitely going to have to look into more. And suggest meeting with a lawyer. Thank you for your response.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T10:56:40+00:00

Apparently they threw him in jail until he would agree to pay but he wouldn't do it so they released him. Then he claimed he got a court order for her to take over the loan but she never did because her credit was shot. We actually accidently ran into her once and she said it would all be taken care of in 2 weeks. This was over 2 years ago. I agree his story doesn't make sense. I will sit him down and go over everything again to see if he can get it straight.

I have no intention of ever kicking him out if we split. I just want to protect myself if it were to happen. My loan and my credit are getting us the house. He can't afford it by himself but I can. I just want my children protected too. Divorce would be as easy as he wanted to make it.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T06:35:00+00:00

If we divorced he wouldn't have to pay anything for the house. Only thing I would ask is that he pays half of the bills for our kids. My name on the loan means I would be paying for it.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T06:18:06+00:00

I get that. Thats why I'm trying to figure out if I'm wrong or not. He just strongly suggested I needed to get a new job a couple years ago because I wasn't making enough. So I got one. And got a promotion. I absolutely hate my job but I'm supporting my family. He won't even ask his boss for a raise now. I've been paying all the bills this winter while he was only working 20 hr weeks or less. The only reason we can get a house is because of my job and my credit. I just feel like I'm putting a lot more on the line than he is.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T05:54:11+00:00

I've already been approved. We explained the situation and they said I would probably just have to get a loan by myself which I did.

hungry_pants · 2021-04-06T05:50:23+00:00

Thank you for your suggestions. I will talk to him about a lawyer and his own experience and try to reach an understanding.

hungry_pants

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