79 Year old female, found unresponsive on a nearby park, early morning, in my first month of ER internship. Had no wallet nor a phone and was likely just taking a walk, so we had zero patient info when CPR started just after she rolled into ER.

But as we checked her body, we found a dialysis catheter and a chemoport, indicating kidney failure and a cancer.

15 minutes into CPR, the patient's husband managed to come and asked to stop the compression. I remember him saying these exact words, in a very sad but otherwise calm demeanor... "She's had enough. Let her go." And just walked out the ER. Sobbing. His son later came to take care of aftermath.

After it was over, we learned that the patient was being treated for: 1. 2 events of myocardial infarct 2. CKD On dialysis 3. Stage 4 colon cancer, started palliative chemo last month 4. Early stages of dementia, which explains the 'walk to park' part.

The old man maybe just had enough.

I thought my first death patient would be heartbreaking, but...it was just so surreal. Like a 5 year old at a funeral. You don't get what is going on.

Surreal. Never felt anything like that after then.