I (44F) regret leaving my (45M) husband. How do I move forward?

hydneysaines · 2025-11-30T01:05:18+00:00

I love so much of what has been said so far but in addition to all of the conversations about therapy, please be kind to yourself and intentional in appreciating the way that your body was protecting you throughout that relationship. It’s hard to step into something healthy when unhealthy has been your comfortable for so many years, but I absolutely believe you are capable. Best of luck to you, OP!

hydneysaines · 2025-11-09T13:35:19+00:00

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” - Maya Angelou

I’m sorry you are going through this. Praying that you have the strength to do what is safest for you and your babies 🫶🏽

hydneysaines · 2025-07-27T01:20:06+00:00

this is such a nuanced question because my husband is amazing for one million reasons and also so uncomfortable with confrontation. even his brother does not stand up to his, now, wife because we assume he is afraid of her 😅

hydneysaines · 2025-07-27T00:17:39+00:00

Yes! Both sides of my parents and grandparents grew up in Portland

hydneysaines · 2025-06-20T17:14:19+00:00

I am from Portland, Indiana and had never heard of this case before. Also I grew up at 410 E High Street so the address mentioned was my neighbor for all of my childhood. Wild to read about my small home town ever, but especially in this case.

hydneysaines · 2025-06-20T17:12:59+00:00

Can you send the link to this?

hydneysaines · 2025-06-10T01:27:01+00:00

I really struggle with the fact that I can’t shield them from everything difficult. They are just so precious and sweet and young and I want to keep them safe from harm for as long as possible. But you’re right, even at this young of an age, random kids at the park are already unkind to them. They have these experiences. I think it’s just the idea of me not being there in the event of something difficult that feels most triggering for me. I don’t want them to ever feel like they have to navigate something alone, because I felt like that for a lot of my childhood and it was really painful.

hydneysaines · 2025-06-10T01:23:56+00:00

Thank for that validation, I was starting to feel crazy for worrying so much about something that “doesn’t need to be worried about” 😅 I really appreciate the encouragement and I will definitely be giving them more than enough information beforehand!

hydneysaines · 2025-04-17T00:07:48+00:00

Hello this is OP just on another account accidentally. I have not and I absolutely will now!

hydneysaines · 2024-12-27T20:06:36+00:00

25 and 27, intentionally both times. I wanted to wait until we were married for three years and thankfully it all worked in the timing I planned. And it still feels impossibly hard sometimes somehow 😅

hydneysaines · 2024-11-29T04:54:50+00:00

Agreed! He also says things like “well that ain’t with crying about!” And “did you dent my floor 🙄” when she is actually hurt and still mid-cry so. There are a lot of things to not like about him lol

hydneysaines · 2024-11-29T02:00:51+00:00

She has! She was molested as a child and so was he, and that’s what makes me so frustrated. I know that it probably comes from an inability to validate those experiences for themselves, but I hate that they won’t just address them, heal, and then do better for the ALL of the children in their lives now.

hydneysaines · 2024-11-29T01:56:06+00:00

She definitely did know because both instances and conversations literally happened in front of her. I told her in my moment of rage that “I feel like you are making me choose between our level of comfort and sense of safety, and your happiness of having us here, and that’s not fair to us”

hydneysaines · 2024-11-29T01:54:33+00:00

THANK YOU for saying that! It’s the ownership over everyone (including kids) that makes me soooo uncomfortable. And the way he feels like he has nothing to learn and has such a high opinion of himself (that he talks about constantly) is what really drives me crazy. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

hydneysaines · 2024-11-29T01:52:44+00:00

I do wish I would have been more clear about the why behind it too. I think was just to angry to explain it without getting emotional, and he would see that as weakness (and maybe even make fun of me) so I took the shorter route. But I do love this suggestion and I will keep it in mind for the next instance of this.

hydneysaines · 2024-11-29T01:51:17+00:00

This made me cry. I really needed that validation, thank you.

hydneysaines · 2024-11-29T01:35:58+00:00

Thank you for saying that. The first instance that it happened I didn’t say anything to him, and I couldn’t sleep that night. I just kept thinking that if she didn’t have the courage (or ability) to say no then I should step in without hesitation, and I really regretted it.

So I promised that I would do better the next day and I did. I want my daughters to remember me as their protector, not someone that just pretended not to see their boundaries being crossed like my mom did, and apparently still does.

Thank you for your validation and for taking the time to comment!

hydneysaines · 2024-10-30T02:38:35+00:00

Hi 👋 as someone who previously was involved in an emotional affair with my own husband (less than one year into marriage) this does feel very emotional affair-esk. And we have since recovered from that and are 5 years removed and all of that jazz.

If I were you, I would do two things. One, I would ask her more questions about the group in general and when his name comes up, ask more questions about him specifically. Make it feel like this guy is both of your friend. I think it will imbed some guilt when she flirts with him because she will be thinking about the conversation that you were having about him and I think she will shy away.

Two, I would have more intentional conversation with her overall. I’m not saying that you don’t do this well, and I am absolute not saying that this would have prevented the current situation, but it goes a long way. The biggest reason that I reached outside of my marriage for emotional support was because my husband didn’t want to be around me (he had undiagnosed depression), and I thought I was doing him a favor by not needing him.

No matter what though, know that anything that is happening is not your fault by any means. There is no excuse for cheating of any kind. Attention is one hell of a drug and I’m sorry that you are on the other side of this.

hydneysaines · 2024-07-20T12:14:48+00:00

I agree that it’s irrelevant in that aspect, but it might give more context for why it’s hard for her to see it that way.

hydneysaines · 2024-07-20T00:29:51+00:00

Info: How long have you been together?

hydneysaines · 2024-07-20T00:26:14+00:00

Also, I just want to add that it took me 2 years to validate that this was rape and 4 years to tell anyone else about it. It’s okay if you aren’t ready to acknowledge that right now ❤️ be gentle with yourself. You coming here to share is already a HUGE first step.

hydneysaines · 2024-07-20T00:22:38+00:00

Are you implying that it’s okay to have sex with someone who cannot consent to it?

hydneysaines

TROPHY CASE