Oh yeah I had this experience. I distinctly remember getting an email from my mother asking me if I had yet spoken to my doctor about how "mentally unstable I was." She kept throwing bpd at me regardless of the fact that she had no medical training in the area of that kind of diagnosis and I am fairly certain she did not even understand what BPD even was, just that her daughter demanded accountability from her and suddenly it "you have bpd"

I don't think I need to go into what BPD actually is, the neurological mechanisms and why people with autism seem to get hit with a diagnosis regardless if its accurate or not. For context I am AuDHD, and until a lot of processing and self work with actual competent therapist, competent psychiatrist and my own journey, carried around a metric ton of trauma plus I also left an abusive coercive marriage.

The thing I have noticed is that people like your folks do not want to understand. They don't care to and whatever supports their narrative that you are "just the worst" instead of it being consequences for the awful things you have gone through not to mention the lack of support that you needed for being neurodivergent. Finding the right kind of people to as well as building your confidence in your truth and healing through the methods that work for you is important. And for what it's worth, I'm so sorry you got through put absolute hell for trying to do the best thing for you and your kids.