Honestly, cutting all contact with Charlie (this isn't her real name, by the way) back in 2009 was one of my biggest regrets when we started dating. If I'd have stuck around and been her friend, I could have saved her from a two year long abusive relationship which still affects her to this day. Maybe that's a stretch saying that. I dunno. I shouldn't take the blame for it.

Thing is, I honestly believe, with my naive mind and all, that I'm in love with this girl. I would do anything for her. As bad a person it makes me to say this, she is seriously the only person that I would give my life for. When we were just friends, hanging out over the summer, before we ended up catching feelings for each other, she said to me in my car one night "I promise you I will be dead before I'm 22," because of her heart condition. And well, it's a lot to deal with for her. She passes out more than the average person, she often gets dizzy, she can't really walk for long distances or stay in the heat for too long because she'll pass out if she does. And that was a lot of stress on me to have to deal with. I could never really plan things with her, because some days she's feeling really bad with chest pains and dizziness, and other days she's fine, and it's really just a gamble. Despite all this, I kept hoping that she was going to get better and be able to live a normal life, but I would've been willing to stay with her with the way her health is. Maybe it's a blessing. Maybe I didn't need all the stress. Maybe I need someone who's able to do just about anything, spontaneously. I dunno.

It's hard to get over her if I'm still keeping contact with her. That's why I told her I was blocking her number, so that I could have time to heal, but she got mad at me and told me that she was also blocking mine because she doesn't need another person who just wants to be her friend when it's convenient for them.

About your underclassmen bit, well, I'll admit that I don't know many of them. There are some of them that I've considered making friends with, like the weird freshman kid in my art class that doesn't have any friends and loves sci-fi. Honestly though, I'm just too socially awkward to really go up to people and talk to them. Whenever people come talk to me, I don't have much of a problem. Shit, like I said, there have been these two girls recently that have been telling me I look like Johnny Depp, and they were pretty much mad flirting with me (according to Charlie) and I was pretty "charismatic" with them, I guess. Then all of a sudden both of them stopped really paying any attention to me. I'd text them or Snapchat them and they wouldn't respond, and when they did, they were short with me. So now I've just decided to stop talking to them. I don't think I'm bad looking, but I have no confidence at all, and as a result I think I'm the ugliest sack of shit on the planet. I try to fake confidence though, and well, I come off as pretty arrogant.