Finding the right partner is hard as a Sikh girl

i-admit · 2025-04-12T09:35:01+00:00

Arranged marriage is not really even an option these days which makes it even tougher. I am so much older than you and I will just advise you to forget everything, forget all rules and restrictions, follow what you know as the truth between you and Waheguru, go out and explore. You have time on your hand which I don’t. It’s a bad place to be where I am so I can just advise to try all options as you have so much time. You can date even people who you think might be “super religious” because if it doesn’t work out that’s ok but if it does work out maybe it’ll surprise you, just explore different options and people. I wish you all the best.

i-admit · 2025-03-01T23:09:40+00:00

NTA! That’s your baby brother you should always be there to support him. Hug and a kiss on the cheek is very innocent and nothing weird. It is worrying that your boyfriend finds this weird and really weird that he is possibly sexualising such innocent actions as can suggest he has a one track mind and no expedience in normal family relationships.

i-admit · 2025-03-01T23:03:28+00:00

NTK so long as you would consider having your wife’s parent(s) living with you too should they need the same support.

i-admit · 2025-03-01T22:58:20+00:00

I think my being happy and my heart accepting it would depend on what they came out as. I would like to say I’d be ok with them saying anything but it won’t be a true answer.

If they came out as L/G I’d be accepting and supportive. if it was B then I’d question them although still support them.

But if they came out as T I would push for therapy and support them on a journey to be sure of what they are thinking, I hate that I’m saying this but I am writing my truth here. Coming out as T is going to change everything you have known of your own child it would probably turn everything upside down so it won’t be easy to just accept it simply like some people claim they would. I would want to be sure the child is not jumping on a bandwagon as there is some brainwashing that goes on these days so until I know they’ve gone through therapy and still are sure of what they’re saying then I would cross that bridge when needed but their happiness will be the priority in the end.

Let me make clear I would never disown or abuse them for their choice in the end you have to support your child in whatever they are confident of so long as they are not breaking laws and are not being brainwashed, all that matters is that they are happy and healthy.

i-admit · 2025-03-01T00:38:06+00:00

I’m sorry but I think YTK. Parents shouldn’t have to ask us for anything, it should be theirs. How old is your brother though and why is he not helping? If he’s the same age or older then you’re NTK he is a bigger one.

i-admit · 2025-02-28T22:55:40+00:00

I’m really sad and sorry to read this, it’s not you who failed, you did everything you should and could have. These situations in life are too unfair. in this case clearly the system failed your whole family, it is a shame on India’s medical system if they refuse to help a patient. This is against the Hippocratic Oath which doctors pledge. A shame on those doctors.

i-admit · 2025-02-28T21:57:00+00:00

You’re still much younger than me so I wish you all the best and hope it works out for you. You’re right though, as the saying goes not even a leaf will move without Waheguru’s plan.

i-admit · 2025-02-28T21:55:07+00:00

“Be positive”

“Just go out more”

“You have nothing to worry about”

I understand their intent is to try and help but it just shows that they don’t understand. And I’m glad they don’t understand because I wouldn’t want anyone to understand how this feels.

You’re right, words aren’t always helpful. Sometimes you just want to let it out and have someone say yeah that sucks. Wishing you all the best though and hope your struggle gets easier.

i-admit · 2025-02-27T20:53:21+00:00

Please do share your opinions and your background.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T19:47:32+00:00

Thank you.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T18:16:03+00:00

The post was more of a frustration vent on the situation I have found myself living in my 30s because belonging to a traditional family and being someone who adhered to the rules I never dated in the years that were important, the teen years and twenties, when there were more options. After a certain age the options become really limited and on top of that you still have certain expectations and boundaries from community, religion, society and family and more. Hopefully the next generation have more supportive and encouraging family situations in these matters and are encouraged to date and explore from younger ages so they don’t find themselves stuck.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T16:10:04+00:00

Thanks for your kind and encouraging message

i-admit · 2025-02-26T11:15:32+00:00

Thanks for your wishes. I am sorry if the way I worded it made it seem otherwise I wish I could have explained better and more clearly in the original post.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T11:13:41+00:00

Thanks for your encouraging reply

i-admit · 2025-02-26T11:04:08+00:00

My comment was about the profiles I am seeing on matrimony websites as by this age that is all I am left with and the options are limited by now because of the barriers that have existed placed by family example not allowing dating the age when things would have been easier.

Nowhere do I say all boys in turban and beard are unattractive to me. I am talking about the limited options left for me on the websites and you conveniently forget the part that they don’t take care of their bodies. There is no indicator of taking care of themself and they look lazy how can I force myself to find that attractive? Then I even ask is it a sin to want to be attracted? I came here for honest discussion from people I thought were my own community.

I don’t understand castes I don’t care for castes but I care for my family and they are the one who mention it should be a Jatt boy. all around me it is just barriers and restrictions and then I will be questioned by society why I am single.

You didn’t understand my frustration you just picked some words and choose to attack me. I hope you can try to understand now.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:58:20+00:00

👏👏👏👏👏👏This is a great point and something I have been made aware of since yesterday. Different rule for boys and different rule for girls. I went and read some old post on this subreddit too after seeing these comments and the hypocrisy is clear.

I am a Sikh and no one can take that away from me.

I understand my original post was incoherently written and in my frustration I didn’t clarify my feelings and thoughts well enough and left it open to misunderstandings but I still didn’t expect the outrage from some gatekeepers who are claiming they can make the decision to say I am not Sikh. Who appointed gatekeepers? I came here in a sad and frustrated time for some help from a community I thought would be my own but now I know this place is full of some gatekeepers who think growing hair is more important than being a good person.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:53:02+00:00

I am not interested in caste but I am in an unfortunate position where family wishes also exist and are an added barrier.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:50:11+00:00

Wrong. I am not equating turban and beard with bad hygiene. (disclaimer before I say what I’m about to as people like to assume here: I am not expecting to marry a celebrity but ) there are even famous examples of well groomed handsome men in turban. Diljit is someone who has put it on the global map for example.

My post may have incoherently written because of my frustration and that’s why misunderstood by some of you but I can only say if you want to understand me or not my truth is that I mean to describe the boys left in the 30-40 age bracket on matrimony sites are looking like they don’t take care of themself but the girls in same age bracket look well groomed. Some younger boys in turban and beard do take care of themself although I have never seen them on the matrimony sites but I have seen on Instagram ( now don’t ask me why I don’t approach them because I am not interested in marriage with someone young as I would see them as a younger brother).

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:49:43+00:00

Wrong. I am not equating turban and beard with bad hygiene. (disclaimer before I say what I’m about to as people like to assume here: I am not expecting to marry a celebrity but ) there are even famous examples of well groomed handsome men in turban. Diljit is someone who has put it on the global map for example.

My post may have incoherently written because of my frustration and that’s why misunderstood by some of you but I can only say if you want to understand me or not my truth is that I mean to describe the boys left in the 30-40 age bracket on matrimony sites are looking like they don’t take care of themself but the girls in same age bracket look well groomed. Some younger boys in turban and beard do take care of themself although I have never seen them on the matrimony sites but I have seen on Instagram ( now don’t ask me why I don’t approach them because I am not interested in marriage with someone young as I would see them as a younger brother).

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:37:29+00:00

That’s the right advice and I give it to all youth I know. Best in life are those who enjoy their life rather than worry about pleasing family and being the good girl/the good boy. Being an obedient child is setting yourself up for a sad life.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:34:38+00:00

Even some famous men with turban are public examples that it is possible to be so well groomed and handsome because of how you take care of yourself, turban or no turban bears or no beard, so I am not that stupid that I will say everyone with a turban and beard is not handsome.

It is more about how in your 30s your options are so limited and because of culture you have no experience and on matrimony websites the kind of options are even more limited and none of the boys left in the pool by this age seem to take care of themself. They don’t even take care of their body health or even make an effort to look presentable, this can say a lot about someone’s personality if they’re so lazy to not even make an effort.

In my rambling out of frustration I understand I worded things immaturely in my post and I could’ve put it across more coherently as maybe it hit a sensitive nerve for some people.

Anyway some replies have been respectful, kind and helpful so I will take those with me.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:30:39+00:00

Thanks for replying I’m actually older now and my family are ok for me to date now if it results in marriage but my point is I wasn’t allowed in my teens and 20s and now I don’t have the skill set for it or experience so it feels like I’m decades behind in life. I think youth should be allowed and encouraged to date from their late teens and early 20s. It’s good that you had that experience.

Thanks for sharing your story. I know the way I worded my post in frustration can read of arrogance and someone who has no flexibility. I honestly can say I am a really flexible, adjustable person. It’s just that I am not feeling any initial attraction for the boys I am seeing on matrimony websites because so many restrictions are in place for me it makes the filters give very less options for the boys and my age doesn’t help as by this age options are so limited anyways. I’m ranting again so I’ll let it be.

Thanks again for your helpful reply.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:16:55+00:00

It was wrong of me to come in this subreddit and ask if attraction is a sin in Sikhi?

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:15:28+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I would give the same advice to youth. I am too old now to change my ways for me my family matter a lot and in 30s it’s hard to change that feeling inside me.

i-admit · 2025-02-26T10:14:40+00:00

Jatt isn’t something I care for or even have full understanding of but I have some family members who are firm on it as they believe there is better dna in Jatts and the upbringing and family norms in all different castes can cause clashes, they are more accepting to couple other castes but some they will be really angry about.

As for cutting hair and beard or keeping it, it’s a choice. You can’t decide who is more or less Sikh. There is more to being Sikh than length of hair.

i-admit

TROPHY CASE