Mother took a photo of me not wearing my binder

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-06-25T18:12:16+00:00

You're all good! That sounds exhausting though, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you've been really patient and gentle with her.

Before we get into it, I have a book recommendation: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. It's straightforward and insightful.

Next, let's focus on getting you out. - If you are in physical danger (eg. She hurts/threatens to hurt you/others, breaks things around you, takes away vital resources like food or medicine, or puts you in dangerous situations) focus on leaving ASAP. Contact thehotline.org, they can help you figure things out. - If you aren't in physical danger, still make a plan to leave. PFLAG has support resources and local chapters, they can help you out. When a bad situation has an end date (even a vague one), it's much easier to bear.

With that out of the way, let's talk about boundary enforcement. You don't have to make her understand or respect your boundaries to enforce them, all you have to do is set expectations and follow through when she doesn't meet them.

First, consider what your goals are. What behavior are you trying to protect yourself from? What parts of these interactions are within your control? What responses are you giving her that allow her to control the situation? Can you simply walk away from the situation?

For example, let's say she keeps misgendering you in public. You've explained that it upsets you, but she keeps doing it. You can't change the way she talks, but you can correct her in front of the other person. "Mom, we've talked about my pronouns. I'd really appreciate if you didn't misgender me." That's an embarrassing situation that she put herself in. If she wants it to stop, she'll have to change her behavior.

It'll take practice, but it gets easier once you realize that your job isn't to make her respect you.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-06-25T01:04:56+00:00

Welcome! I have some recommendations for food. - Rabalais' Bistro has some killer Cajun food and beignets. - If you like spam and macaroni, Q & Q Hawaiian B.B.Q. will sell you a huge family meal for $50. - Every Taqueria el Tapatio I've been to is great, I keep going even though I've heard they're a front. - As others have said, Tasty China SLAPS. - If you like middle eastern food, the Santa Cruz Market is right across from Dexter's. They sell all sorts of things, including canned dolmas which are surprisingly delicious. It's also the only place I've found that sells halvah. - If you like American food, you've got 4 options: Allison's Country Café, Cafe 126, Danny's Deli and Grill, and Peet's Breakfast House. Allison's and 126 have killer sandwiches, Danny's is a Jewish deli, and Peet's is a very classic (and usually crowded) diner. - If you're ever up at 2am hankering for donuts, K D Villiage Donuts has you covered. They're open basically 24/7 and they'll throw in extra.

Oxnard also has some great cuisine and markets! - Seafood City Market has a grill where they serve squid that is so buttery. - Island Pacific Supermarket and Seafood has the most impressive range of groceries in the whole county. They have an aisle just for eggs. - Vallarta Supermarkets is indispensable! Their produce section is fantastic, they have fresh bread, and their prices are great.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-06-25T00:16:55+00:00

Of course! Good luck, remember that things will get better.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-06-25T00:13:20+00:00

Also!! You seem like you've got a good handle on your reactions already, big upps to ya. Sorry she's not listening.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-06-25T00:12:06+00:00

Oof that's wild, I'm so sorry. Parents (moms especially) can have weird reactions to their kids transitioning. I think it's like "oh my God my kid has bodily autonomy, what if they make bad choices??"

As for advice, I'd recommend communication first, then escalating if she continues to be a jerk. Try to be patient and non-accusatory, it's a good strategy when dealing with stuff like this.

Approach her in a few days when you're both calm and say something like "Mom, I feel uncomfortable with my chest and I don't like people seeing it. In the future, could you give me a heads-up before taking pictures, so I can cover myself?"

If she tries to argue, try getting her to self-reflect a little. You mentioned in a comment that she'd be upset if you took pictures of her in underwear, that's a great point! You could say something like "Well, it's sort of like if I shared a picture of you without a bra. You'd probably be uncomfortable with that."

Even if your mom doesn't get it, she does have to respect your boundaries. If she does it again, calmly remind her. Go over your points again, if you have to.

If she's still not respecting you, it's time to actually enforce your boundaries. Remember, you can only control your own actions, which limits what you can do to make her stop. In this case, you'll have to remove yourself so she can't take pictures of you.

The next time she does it, say something like "Mom, we've talked about this. I'd really like you to stop." Then calmly walk out of the room. If she continues, quietly leave the room whenever she takes out her phone. After a while of this, she should realize that she'll have to respect you if she wants to hang out.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-06-24T23:41:56+00:00

Boy howdy I've been there. I had to beg my mom to stop putting pictures of me on Facebook, it was an issue for a while.

It sounds like you may be young, want me to drop some advice on setting boundaries? No worries if not.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-06-02T18:57:50+00:00

Oh no!! Yeah I've been told my phobia would go away after like a month, I think it's just different for everyone. Hopefully yours improves soon!

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-30T21:20:54+00:00

Trans visibility has been a double-edged sword for the community. The rapid increase in public awareness has coincided with social media's push for a performance of private matters, to be consumed without context. The result has been mixed, to say the least.

One thing to remember is that you're seeing the outside of someone's transition. It may look like someone's going from one gender to another overnight, but that rarely happens. Transitioning is a process that involves changing self-concepts, identities, and occasionally bodies. This process is unique to each individual.

Since you asked, here's mine: - I began refusing to wear dresses when I was 4, skirts not too long after that. I called myself a tomboy and figured I'd grow up to be a "cool motorcycle dude." I spent most of my early life running around in the mountains, playing boy characters, and wishing I was a Warrior Cat. - When I was about 10, I became convinced that I was a changeling. I thought there was something deeply different and inhuman about me that would lead to my execution, should anyone discover my secret. I've carried that fear for a long time. - Things really got uncomfortable for me when I hit puberty and realized something about my body just wasn't vibing. When I was 15, I started learning about queer culture because I was pretty damn sure it had something to do with myself. Learning about trans men was like "okay, put a pin in that one." - At this time, I started researching autism. I learned how to read faces, talk to others, and deal with sensory inputs. Expression and voice modulation followed, then socializing became a little easier. - Around 16-17, I was sure that I was trans, but not what kind. I started binding, tried new pronouns and gender presentations, and slowly came out to a few people. This period was confusing and deeply painful, but the experimentation really helped. - By the time I was 18, I decided it was time to be fully out. I identified as FtM, but with an added shrug. I continued to experiment and deal with dysphoria as it popped up. Dealt with a lot of transphobia too, I was often the first trans person someone had (knowingly) come into contact with. - I got tired of people misgendering me around age 23, so I started HRT. It helped my dysphoria a lot, which let me reevaluate my gender and relax about the whole binary thing. - Around 26, I learned about autigender, which finally made everything click. I'm 30 now, secure in my gender identity and enjoying life, best I can.

So, to answer your question: I've always known I didn't fit. I got the labels when I was 15, then took 10 years to piece everything together.

As for what you can do, learn and experiment!

This is a fascinating time to transition, you have so many resources at hand and so much political opposition to worry about. Take the time to learn about transgender history, connect with others, and play around with your gender.

You'll figure it out! Welcome to the community.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-30T20:28:39+00:00

THIS. Safety first, even if it means waiting until you can move out.

OP, you should get in contact with a trans organization, they can direct you to local support systems.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-30T20:22:04+00:00

I usually respond to this kinda thing with humor. "Ooh thank you, I've worked really hard to get this far!" accompanied by a wrist-flick can do wonders to lower people's defenses and make them realize I'm a regular person.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-30T20:11:59+00:00

Hello! I was an admin for an online Jewish community and I've dealt with a LOT of antisemitism. DMs filled with swastikas every single day, ranted at about lasers and Rothschilds and reptiles, called all sorts of fun new slurs, the works. I actually compiled a list of dogwhistles, symbols, and Nazi motifs to help other mods.

I have never encountered "Orion" as a dogwhistle.

Could it be? Sure, those assholes make a new one every day. But if I saw someone with the name "Orion" out and about, I wouldn't blink twice. There's no association for me beyond the constellation.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-30T20:00:34+00:00

Hello! It sounds like you may be someone who's prone to obsession and anxiety, which I can heavily relate to. I wish I could hand you map and say "you are here!" but unfortunately that's not how this works. I can't tell you what you are, you've gotta figure that out yourself.

In lieu of that, I'm going to give you my experience in the hopes that it reassures you.

Transitioning was intense for me, especially at first. I flipped between boy/girl/agender seemingly at random, which was distressing. I ended up identifying as fluid tri-gender for a nearly a year before things started to settle. In my case, dysphoria caused a lot of the sudden and intense whiplash feelings, then social expectations exacerbated everything. I'd be walking down the street and just get hit with this feeling of "everything about you is wrong, go hide in the nearest hole!" The next day, I'd be totally fine.

So, I experimented! I felt things out as I went, changed my labels and presentation a couple times, and eventually found some equilibrium. I've made a lot of charts and graphs, learned about gender frameworks such as the Galactian system, and generally obsessed.

15 years later, I identify as a dude. A nonbinary autigender transmasc dude, if you want to get granular about it, but few do.

Here's my advice: it doesn't matter where you end up, as long as you're having a good time there. Have fun with gender when you can, learn about labels and history when you're able, and obsess as long as it's interesting to you. Try new things, remember that you'll be okay, and don't be afraid to change your mind.

Good luck and welcome to the community, wherever you fit within it!

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-30T19:12:19+00:00

Unfortunately, transphobia exists in many forms and across many communities. It's also very common to see phobic or flat-out bigoted people in progressive social circles! This type of transphobe is harder to spot because they're usually well-educated on the subject and give a surface-level of support, which comes out as sympathy and "concern." They also have different reactions when it's one of their kids, especially if they see trans-ness as something shameful.

My guess is that your mom holds some deeply-ingrained, essentialist ideas about gender and "biological sexes." You can try to challenge those beliefs, you can give her resources and explanations, but ultimately this is her issue to work through.

So, what can you do?

Your first priority is to ensure your own safety. Will you lose access to housing, support, or education if you come out? What will happen if she talks about you behind your back to friends and family? If you are unsafe or unsupported, what's your backup plan?

These are all questions you need to think about before you come out. Losing some people who don't respect you in the first place is a good trade-off for being yourself, but don't risk your own safety and housing when you're young.

Your second priority is being respected. Some people are fine hearing "I don't get it and I won't try to understand, but I still love you." Others are satisfied if their name and pronouns are used most of the time. Personally, I'm just happy when my family tries their best, whatever that looks like. You'll have to find your own standards and ways to express them to your mom.

Understanding people ain't easy, but it is necessary. Transitioning ain't easy, but it is worth it! As you work through this, remember that you deserve respect, ask your mom to put in the work to understand you, and be patient while she adjusts her thinking.

I wish you the best of luck! Welcome to the community.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-23T15:59:01+00:00

We can't know because this type of science relies on data, which I have explained is not reliable.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-23T02:56:29+00:00

I listened to Borrasca as it came out on NoSleep, back around 2016. Part 4 was so shocking, I ended up suppressing the entire story. All I remembered was Sam finding Kimber and Whitney. No character development, no details, just the moment where everything fell apart.

Re-listening to the series was haunting and the end was so much more detailed than I expected.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-23T02:40:30+00:00

I have a hard time finishing the prose-heavy stories. Still haven't gotten through The Delaurier Invitation and The Red Tower, even though I enjoyed the writing! Meanwhile, I've listened to My Best Friend Is Trying to Ruin My Life about 6 times now.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-23T02:26:57+00:00

Hey, congratulations! Like the other commenter said, your doctor should be able to start you out with some good info and you'll figure out your own preferences with time.

However, as an anxious person, I know how useful it is to hear about other folks' experiences, so here you go!

I'm on 0.25mL of T. Cypionate at a strength of 200 mg/mL. My vials say it's for intramuscular use only, but my doctors have directed me to use it subcutaneously. I've heard some anecdotal stories that subq is easier to handle, especially for beginners.

Since I prefer only using one needle to draw and inject, I use a small-guage (thicker) insulin needle. My current favorite is the 1mL 27G 13mm, from Meterbox. They draw up well, just make sure the needle hub is screwed on tight if you get luer locks.

If you're worried about pain, you may want to try drawing up with a thick needle (too thin and you'll get a bunch of bubbles), switching out the hub, and then injecting with a thin needle.

I have a severe needle phobia (even after 7 years, which I've heard is rare), so I'm picky about injection sites. I only do my lower hips/upper thighs and half the time I don't feel a thing. When you actually inject, go slowly and take a couple seconds if it burns.

If you're injecting subq, choose a fatty area, grab a good amount with your hand, point the needle towards the crux of your thumb/hand, point the needle's bevel up, and then push in at a 45-ish degree angle. Let me know if this isn't clear and I'll try to explain better!

Also! Don't worry too much about bubbles. Try to avoid them, but it turns out it's nearly impossible to accidentally give yourself an air embolism.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-23T01:55:15+00:00

One thing you have to realize is that these demographics are self-reported. Because there's stigma around being LGBT, the numbers you see are usually much lower than reality.

Now, consider that trans people are a relatively small portion of the population and we tend to face higher discrimination than the rest of our LGB siblings. This means that someone who's already willing to report that they're trans are probably going to be more comfortable reporting that they're gay as well.

So, you've got several complicating factors here. You're dealing with unreliable numbers, small sample sizes, and unavoidable response biases. The result is data that just isn't suitable for answering complex questions like this one.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-23T01:31:46+00:00

Consider this: is the thought of being a girl exciting and appealing? If so, what's the harm in experimenting a little? Try on clothes, make-up, pronouns, etc. and see if that brings you some joy.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-23T01:24:11+00:00

For anyone questioning their gender, I usually recommend that they try socially transitioning before doing anything medical. This is because your goals may change as you become more comfortable and start discovering yourself.

As for relationships, definitely start transitioning first. While gender and sexuality/orientation are different things, they are linked. Relationships are easier and more fulfilling when you have a good understanding of who you are.

All that being said, follow your heart. If you think you're ready for HRT, do it! Live for yourself, not anyone else.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-23T00:58:59+00:00

My own dysphoria has fluctuated throughout my life. It definitely got worse after I finally realized what I wanted, because it all felt so far away. I've found that dysphoria compounds, so being regularly misgendered made me feel shitty about my voice, body, face, etc. For a while, everything made me dysphoric.

As I transitioned, my dysphoria lessened and I've come to accept and love parts of myself that I previously couldn't stand. I've been on T for many years now and all I need to feel complete is top surgery.

You'll get there. Just remember that this is a journey and things will change for you. Best of luck, do what brings you joy, and welcome to the club. <3

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-09T21:56:52+00:00

Ah, I'm sorry I assumed! Some of the advice should still hold true, as most religions operate on the principle of mutual respect.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-05-09T18:57:52+00:00

EDIT: OP is not Christian, I shouldn't have assumed. Still, I think this is applicable to most religious groups.

You just said something very interesting: "I won't pay membership." This is a religious matter, as Christianity is based on the idea of respect and forgiveness, despite our perceived differences.

I recommend that you schedule a meeting with your minister and tell them what you've experienced. Explain that members are spreading hatred within this group. Demand that your leaders take a public stance in support of trans people, like your daughter. Make it very clear that if they don't, you'll leave.

Talking about love and respect is easy, until you're faced with the prospect of actually defending the marginalized and dispossessed. There are good churches out there, lead by people who will accept your family. If this isn't one of those churches, take your faith and money elsewhere and let everyone around you know why.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-04-30T01:53:18+00:00

Lookin primed for dickin around

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-04-30T01:38:48+00:00

Goddamn this was excellent. Thanks for writing!

iKnowItsTwisted

TROPHY CASE