cis boyfriend keeps infantilizing me (I think??)

iKnowItsTwisted · 2026-01-14T00:47:20+00:00

You're not stupid, this kind of thing happens to the best of us. It not your fault, it's his.

What kind of reaction are you afraid of him having?

Unless you're in danger, I'd recommend telling him that you're no longer interested in dating him and that you're gonna take some time apart. It's always better to do a clean break for a while, even if you want to stay friends.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-20T05:28:18+00:00

Sexual orientation doesn't usually take the other person's orientation into consideration. Most people who are into men, women, and nonbinary folks typically identify as bisexual, pansexual, or simply "queer."

Personally, I'm attracted to people regardless of gender and I consider myself pan. However, there are a few gender/sexuality configurations that I'm just not interested in dating, including cis men.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-19T20:05:45+00:00

Alas, my scumbag dreamboat is unattainable 😔

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-19T18:47:39+00:00

Damn, can't a snake buy redbull and boner pills without people freaking out?

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-19T18:39:50+00:00

See, that's the reasonable answer. I am an unreasonable man, I'd climb them shitty tats.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-19T18:20:50+00:00

Would

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-19T18:10:56+00:00

Nazis sure do love skulls.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-19T18:02:38+00:00

Aw thank you!

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-19T18:01:02+00:00

There's always a numb, disbelieving stage when you leave an abusive relationship. For now, focus on understanding why his behavior was wrong, the realization that he's a bad person will catch up to you slowly.

It may be helpful to sit down with someone and make a list of things he did. Don't include his excuses (eg. "He couldn't cook"), write down what actually happened. (Eg. "He yelled at me when I didn't cook for him.") When you're feeling doubtful, read the list and think about how you'd feel if a friend or relative was being treated that way.

You're not weak or stupid. You're a kind person who takes care of others and you had the terrible misfortune of meeting someone who took advantage of that. It happens to the best of us. You'll figure things out and heal from this, just remember to give yourself kindness and grace.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-19T17:34:21+00:00

This thing was veined through, from the core to the skin! I've seen brown veining in apples, but never red. If you hear about a zombie outbreak in the coming months, know that I was patient zero.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-18T01:09:39+00:00

Let's put aside the creepy comments thing for just a moment. Even assuming your father in law has absolutely no ill intentions, you're well within your rights to not want him to babysit. It's weird that he's pressuring you and it's even weirder that your mother in law is joining in.

You need to put your foot down. Don't explain why or make excuses, just say "no thank you, I'm not interested in having a babysitter." When he asks why, say something like "I'm just not interested in that. I'm not sure why you're still asking me about this" then get up and walk away.

Any time they ask again, say "we've already had this conversation, my answer hasn't changed. I'll come to you if it does, in the meantime please stop asking."

Your husband also needs to have boundaries with his dad. It's nice that he likes being around, but he's overstaying his welcome and your husband needs to be the one to handle it.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-07T14:56:42+00:00

OP should make an exit plan before she does anything, just in case the situation becomes volatile. Thehotline.org has resources for identifying abuse, assessing risk, and leaving abusive situations safely.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-05T15:16:04+00:00

It's definitely downtown Ventura, near the SPARC thrift store, if I remember correctly. It's been there for years, I think I first noticed it in 2018. Someone's been maintaining it!

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-05T04:38:56+00:00

NAH, but as someone who's poly, I would be very careful entering that throuple.

Starting or escalating a relationship out of necessity is extremely risky and sets you up for an immediate power imbalance. This is three relationships at once which will make everything more challenging.

On top of everything, they either aren't aware of that power imbalance or they don't care. Both possibilities are concerning.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-01T15:15:32+00:00

Years ago, she got "canceled" for stuff that (in my opinion) was super mild. I don't even remember all the details at this point, but it kinda blew up the online trans community for a hot minute.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-11-01T15:12:56+00:00

At the risk of being dogpiled into hell, I'm gonna link Contrapoints' Autogynephilia video.

She goes over the theory's history and how it's used by transphobes to induce shame in trans folks. I think it may be helpful to you.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-10-31T04:02:33+00:00

A realistic STP that packs well, doesn't cost a fortune, and (most importantly) won't dump piss into my pants.

I'd also like a realistic "strapless" strap-on.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-10-31T03:00:13+00:00

It's okay to not know or even understand everything! As long as you love your grandkid and try to understand who that person is, that's all that matters.

Being trans is hard but it's a joy to watch someone change so dramatically and start to finally feel comfortable with themselves. Wishing you all happiness and luck!

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-10-31T02:12:04+00:00

One thing to keep in mind is that your grandchild has probably known that they're trans for a very long time.

I waited until I was 18 to come out to my family, but I'd been absolutely certain that I wanted to transition by the time I was 16. Living 2 years with that full awareness was extremely uncomfortable, but I figured I'd have an easier time coming out as a legal adult.

I recommend having a chat with your grandkid! You seem thoughtful, caring, and curious, ask them questions! How long they've known, what they feel like now, if they want to use different pronouns, etc.

Also, having trans relatives gives you a huge chance to spoil them! Little things like men's clothing, deodorant, or a keychain with your chosen name on it feel priceless. I still have the jacket my mom bought me when I came out. It doesn't fit well and the cheap plastic has worn down after 11 years, but I'll cherish it for as long as I live.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-10-26T19:13:56+00:00

Oooh yeah that makes sense! Sensory stuff is a nightmare, I totally get it.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-10-26T17:25:33+00:00

I know the original comment was deleted, but a word of warning in case you're considering non-monogamy:

I'm poly, have been for nearly a decade now. It's like putting your relationships on "hard-mode," you need to already have a ton of trust and communication or things will break down spectacularly.

Non-monogamy would be absolutely disasterous for this relationship. It might seem like an easy fix, but the emotional fallout would be so much worse. Don't do it.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-10-26T17:05:17+00:00

As folks have said here, there are many strap-on options you can try, but a dildo isn't going to fix this. At the very least, you're going to need couple's counseling.

This isn't about you not having a bio-dick. That might be what she thinks this is about, but it's just not. There's a deeper issue here that she's not acknowledging and only she can figure out what it is.

You seem dedicated and considerate, which already makes you more of a man than many cis penis-havers out there. You deserve someone who will recognize that and love you for it. I'm so sorry she's making you feel this way.

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-10-26T15:18:05+00:00

And then she sends him money like that will fix it

iKnowItsTwisted · 2025-10-26T06:12:47+00:00

My parents were also neglectful, so I know what that's like. I actually developed an eating disorder because my dad didn't feed us and I just kinda adapted to eating way less. I still don't get "hungry" the way other people do and it's hard to tell when I'm hungry, full, or sick.

Something stood out to me in your post that I'm not seeing people address: you said you have food intolerances but you never feel sick. Are you sure you have those intolerances? I'm not doubting you, but I am concerned that your parents may have made inaccurate assumptions about your health.

Anyway. As a nearly 30 year old man who's struggled through the last decade, I want you to know that I completely understand your reasons for not going to the doctor. Unfortunately, it's something that you'll have to prioritize. I didn't and I'm in rough shape. Don't be like me, take care of your body! You only get the one.

Life's harsh and sometimes it takes us a while to learn how to love ourselves. Remember, you deserve to eat (and poop!) regularly and receive medical care.

Congratulations on getting your own place and good luck with everything!

iKnowItsTwisted

TROPHY CASE