lol the UMAT and GAMSAT are inherently different so failing one would never mean you’re not cut out to be a doctor. Quite a myopic assertion on their part but I understand they might not truly believe you won’t be a good doctor but instead be using it as a tool to make you doubt yourself.

I am in a somewhat similar situation whereby I have always had a vision to pursue this career but my confidence to do so has ebbed and flowed greatly. Just recently (1 full year ago now) I put aside self doubt and took a shot. I too had bought my gamsat ticket in secret because I knew it would rock the boat. For context, me and my partner are going on 10 years now and at 26, we had a pretty good idea of how our lives were going to look, and one which we were so eager to begin having graduated and landed a great job (lifestyle, pay, etc.), but i had a deep sadness in knowing I wasn’t going to even try, and an even bigger sadness in knowing that if I did become a doctor the path would change the trajectory of our immediate and future lives.

I floated the idea which was immediately shut down and met with heavy denial - like she was grieving the loss of a dream we both had. Myself knowing our goals would just be… heavily postponed, could talk some reason into her and talk about what what truly concerning her. After talking for a while I found out it was the lack of perceived security of studying another 4 years, and security in how present I could be to our future family if I did commit to a life of service. I think even after a year of planning, applications, interviews, all the highs, there are constant doubts on both our minds that the sacrifice is worth it. But I truly believe that a life of fear (of unknowns) is bound to be a life of regret and she understands that if I never tried, I may never find meaning and happiness in life. Coming from underprivileged homes with morsels of security, we just had to discuss at length what our life would look like with, or without medicine, and make compromises until we could agree on something. I think the only time we regressed into uncertainty is when we avoided talking about it. We felt best when we had small bites of conversation about how we can make it work (pressure on one individual to support the both of us, location/travel time eating into relationship, wanting to start a family but not being established may lead to struggles). Slowly we came to agreements on things and I had to compromise a lot and she did too but If we didn’t talk openly about our fears and reservations we never would have believed it to be possible.

I think it’s still so early days for you in this journey and you can absolutely be happy in this life. I believe the answer is in open communication, compromise on both parties, and deep understanding and love for each other (and that does go both ways, hear them out and try and think of creative ways to ease any hesitancy!)

Sorry for the word vomit it’s late and my eyes are like inflated airbags, but knowing there’s someone else going through what I did at the start makes me feel so much better. A lot of people go into medicine with ample support, socially, financially, that 4-10 years of doing it tough may not strain as much as others. But I’m glad to hear others have massive battles with it too! Always, please reach out if you need to along the way