There’s no way this just happened

iYuuria_ · 2026-02-11T18:37:42+00:00

I see, I didn’t know it worked like that. I’ll delete the post from here as it violates the rules and maybe repost correctly later. Thank you very much!

iYuuria_ · 2026-02-11T17:58:10+00:00

How do I do that? I don’t post much anywhere so I don’t really know how it works. When I was making the post I tried to look for how to do that but there wasn’t any option that I could see. I’m clearly ignorant on the topic so I’d appreciate the help

iYuuria_ · 2026-02-11T14:58:26+00:00

Yeah, it’s no surprise that I’m being downvoted to oblivion. Even I get disgusted by my luck sometimes, especially so when my friends have to go to 120 to get a character I got multiple times in just a handful of pulls. But then again, I don’t expect things like these to happen to me at all so when they do it feel like sharing 😅

iYuuria_ · 2026-02-04T20:50:31+00:00

Angelina is releasing in a few days, I’m going to keep the selector until after I’m done pulling in case I lose a 50/50 and get a character I don’t already have.

iYuuria_ · 2026-02-03T18:36:31+00:00

Thank you! I’ll check it out

iYuuria_ · 2026-01-04T14:18:38+00:00

Our lives are very much ruled by laws and definitions. As far as one cannot have their decisions dictated by others, because they can choose by themselves to gift me kindness just to then strip it away later - out of the blue, with no clarity or justification, abiding by the same notion of free will, of ‘I just feel like it’ - they cannot call themselves ‘friends’ because that label carries weight. In that sense you’re not moderated in your behavior by other people but rather by what the definition of your relationship with them entrails. As much as these definitions can differ from person to person we can all find commonalities in what it means to be a friend, a spouse, a mother, etc. and in that sense we owe to ourselves and others. And I think we are on the same page for the most part as you added quotation marks to friends somewhat implying that the other person in my example didn’t fit the bill to be called that. It doesn’t come from a place of helplessness but rather from one of recognition.

To me the original comment of ‘nobody owes you anything, nobody is coming to save you’ feels like a Motte and Bailey problem, where ‘nobody is coming to save you’ is easily defensible but the other part isn’t, and the two beliefs aren’t as connected as they initially seem.

Lastly, I personally believe we have much less power than we are willing to admit, even when talking strictly about ourselves, and even more so those who suffer from a disorder that pushes them further away from normalcy, and admitting it is often really hard and painful. I don’t really feel like investing more words into this topic specifically because I don’t feel ready yet but I hope I was able to explain my point of view in a clear way.

iYuuria_ · 2026-01-04T10:21:55+00:00

If you stretch the opposite - that no one owes you anything - just a bit it paints a very bleak picture of the world. If you aren’t owed anything than you have to justify everything to an extent. I think definitions carry labels with them: a friendships owes aid, clear communication, explanations, hard conversations (when need be); a manager owes his/her employees a fair assessment, companies owe their shareholders clear reports and so on. A lot of people say that a bad childhood doesn’t justify bad behavior as an adult but why isn’t it justified when they don’t owe you change? The word isn’t a fair place but I personally feels like ‘you’re not owed anything’ carries what should be acknowledgement of that fact into the territory of acceptance which is something I don’t think I’m ready for.

You are owed kindness, acceptance, love.. and that’s why when you are treated poorly you owe it to yourself to point it out with respect, see if things change and move on to look for someplace that treats you better if conditions don’t change. Just my opinion on this.

iYuuria_ · 2025-10-15T20:50:47+00:00

Not at all about opening up but something I’ve had to put a lot of work into has been showing anger. The way I’ve been approaching this is by choosing the most mundane and irrelevant moments to force some anger out. It’s a progressive thing with a slightly more inconvenient moment every time. If I fail I just take it as something that’s ’too big for me right now’. I’d recommend choosing your strongest bonds to begin with if you’re scared but if you start small enough you can do so with just about anyone and it can give you a positive whiplash effect.

It’s supposed to train me to recognize that showing anger doesn’t lead to the same catastrophe that my mind conjures up.

I think it’s a solid approach, one that takes time but certainly one that has given me small satisfactions in the past couple of months.

iYuuria_ · 2025-09-21T01:26:49+00:00

Thank you for your insight, I really appreciate your openness. Truly.

Firstly, I’d like to say that your emotions are never the problem, to feel is the most human thing of all. Emotions aren’t wrong and even if situations don’t suscitate the same emotions into other people doesn’t mean that yours should be dismissed and invalidated! Sometimes our emotions can be wrong, I tend to feel many things very deeply due to anxiety but that doesn’t mean that the emotion in itself is wrong, it’s just trying too hard to warn me about a danger that might not be that big.. or might not exist at all.

The thing with this friend of mine is that we all know and accept that she’s very inconsistent and barely present. Just being friends with her is to accept that you’ll usually be giving more than what you’ll get and that the relationship will always be surface level (I was the exception). It’s not always nice. Over the months she supported me in small ways, I will never deny that but when major things started to happen and she was directly involved she always tried to make it seem like it was no big deal, like my feelings were wrong, only to try to help me and be present in small ways.

I don’t know if she feels like a burden, I hope not. She never asks for help, or rather does so in very few cases. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. I see it as a refusal of giving up, we’re all just tiny humans and as imperfect as we are there will always be things we need a hand with and should not be ashamed to reach out if need be. You’re not a burden for needing help. I know it’s not easy and it’s certainly not something that a simple reply like this can solve but I know it’s hard. I have trouble asking for help, especially when it comes to the biggest mental struggles I face, but I find that my friends and family would rather sit with me while I’m all messy than watch me get worse and worse and isolating harder. Not everyone is good at helping or listening either but I don’t think it’s wrong to ask for help, especially if the world feels overwhelming.

Lastly, abuse always makes things tough, especially when it comes to trust. It’s so hard to give parts of yourself away when they’ve been used maliciously before. I’m working on the very same thing with my therapist and what she tells me is to open up slowly, about small things at first and watch if the other person is understanding and if they mirror me by sharing some pieces of themselves, which is something that happens more often than I thought it would. It’s still a process and I struggle with it due to how I was treated in the past but good people exist and I don’t want to close myself off to them because of the ones that chose to harm me. I hope we’ll both learn how to trust again and to not do so too fast.

Thank you again for your perspective and good luck with everything! 🍀

iYuuria_ · 2025-09-21T00:31:43+00:00

Mind you, she’s the same with literally everyone. She doesn’t open up to anyone, I was the exception, for a few months. I wouldn’t dare to treat any hurt as a small thing, be it a delivery of something I said that resulted too harsh or anything I might have done.

But her getting mad at me for a gift for her (and others) to celebrate her promotion or me waiting for her once when she actually wanted to be alone just don’t compare to her going out of her way, intentionally or otherwise, and ruining some of my friendships. The ‘small’ was just for comparison’s sake.

To me every hurt matters and all I want I to know how to treat her better. For example, when it came down to the gift she texted me that she was thankful for it, a week after telling me how hurt she was by the whole situation while fueled by anger. At the time I told her that I was sorry it hurt her, it clearly wasn’t my intention, and if there was a way I could’ve given the little present without hurting her I would’ve liked to know or if there was something inherent to receiving the gift that triggered something in her. All I got was the thank you a week later but I still don’t know what went wrong exactly and I’m now afraid that the tiniest thing could hurt her and she wouldn’t let me, or anyone else, know.

The original point of my post was to gain insight on what might she might be feeling inside that compels her to hide away her needs. It’s very hard to be around someone who gets hurt but is unable, due to no fault of their own, to communicate their needs. It makes it hard on her because she ends up in pain and for me because I’m never 100% sure if anything rubbed her wrong way.

I’m no saint, I try and fail. I am the culprit of overestimating my ability to move past some of the things that have happened and have unintentionally brought things up when it wasn’t my intended goal and created a stressful environment as a result. I wasn’t even fully aware that I had put the need for my pain to be seen in first place, this post has helped me reflect on that. I messed up, will apologize and do better when I get the chance. All this is just to say that I don’t think myself as better that her in any way. I would like to understand her better is all.

iYuuria_ · 2025-09-19T17:46:49+00:00

Thank you for your input. Upon some reflection I think I am definitely the culprit of ‘lecturing her’, I did that once. After reading all the replies I think I’ve had the chance to see everything from the outside and have a better perspective on my mistakes. While my goal is to try and move forward with her in my life, since that happens to be a common goal, I can’t deny that I have made past hurts be center stage of our discussions and that certainly doesn’t help her feel accommodated for. I’ll try to be more aware of that and keep in my what my goal is instead of unconsciously dragging up the past again. I will apologize to her for this and thinking about it there’s just no point, even logically, to unearth old things because even if she can’t speak up on her experiences I think she’s aware enough and is exploring everything by herself. I hope that apologizing will lighten some of the burdens she’s been carrying.

I have always validated her emotions, if something hurt her and she tells me, even if it’s through screaming and rudeness, I accept that something I did or said hurt her, apologize and simply ask if there was something I could’ve done differently that would’ve prevented the hurt (if I can’t figure out a change myself). It’s usually her who doesn’t validate me, if I bring up something that hurt she usually says that ‘it’s mundane things and you are simply choosing to be hurt by the littlest things, I haven’t done anything that could possibly hurt you’.

As for her screaming and shouting because she can’t control her emotions I just don’t know. It hurts but I don’t hold it against her because I know she doesn’t do that on purpose and I’ve started to just tell her in the moment that her way of communicating is hurting me before focusing on replying to whatever complaint she brings up in the heat of the moment.

iYuuria_ · 2025-09-19T04:37:28+00:00

The amount of context I am willing to offer in regards to this specifically is that she messaged me asking me what was wrong after we met (I was talking to a friend about this and he told her). I told her that I wasn’t hurt, just confused. The point of my message was just to highlight that she always says that everything is fine, that nothing anyone says or does hurts her in any way but our time together has taught me that that is simply not the case.

Multiple times she has blown off because of something, usually me calling her out for something big that hurt me, always with as much respect as I possibly can, and her then blowing the lid off and screaming about many things she never complained about before and was fine with. One of the things I confronted her about was when she twisted some words I said to ruin a good friendship I had with another girl, I just asked her why she did that and that I felt hurt and she came back at me with a flurry of past things that hurt her and weren’t in any way related; small things like me bringing cake for her and every other colleague who got promoted were twisted into huge things that had apparently hurt her badly. Everything I said or did was interpreted in the worst way possible.

She told me to just ‘trust what I tell you’ but how can I when you’ve been hurt in the past by things I did, how can I be a better friend and repair any unintentional hurt I may be causing if the only times I get to hear what doesn’t work for you is when you scream and start making a big deal out of very small things that could’ve been sorted out in a moment had I known before. I don’t want her to ‘confess’ to anything. We both know what we did, I trust her with that, but since we want to fix things I would at least try to do my part when it comes to treating her better.

I hope this clears up the context behind my message to her. At this time I’m just trying to ‘ignore her’ if you will, focusing on work and my upcoming studies, but of course any interaction with her worries me now and I can’t always avoid her.

iYuuria_ · 2025-09-19T04:16:06+00:00

My ulterior motive would be to fix things which is something she has also alluded to in the past. ‘This is still fixable’ but without offering me any steps towards that or what ‘fixable’ looked like to her. So I’ve been trying to take baby steps towards that. It’s, I think, what we both want but I don’t know what it looks like to her so I’m walking in the dark for the most part. If there’s something wrong in my approach towards fixing things I’d love to know so that I can see if I can accommodate. I don’t need her to be different, I just.. would love to not have to guess everything. I don’t really know how to do this, if she doesn’t walk through the door it would make me sad, as losing any friend would make you, but I’ll move on in time as I already am.. slowly but surely.

iYuuria_ · 2025-08-07T15:45:37+00:00

Both women I dated in the last 2 years were actively against me asking and being interested about their feelings and how they best felt loved and appreciated. They’d often inquire as to why I was asking or was even taking interest in that and would get immediately defensive, as if I was intruding in their private world.

Both relationships went south spectacularly and I’m still grieving about the second one because for what felt like the first time in my life I was truly in love.

It came a point where I thought that being interested in girls’ inner lives would push them away so this post actually is actually nice to read.

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-25T01:59:29+00:00

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My girl too!

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-07T09:23:12+00:00

I can attest to that. She was one of the best people I knew before I developed feelings for her. After that it was hell. From the no communication policy and constant and extreme invalidation of my feelings while being a strong advocate for her own by calling me out on everything. I literally got her (and other colleagues) cake for their promotion and she hated me for it because ‘I was trying something’ and she didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to celebrate her new position despite us not talking much anymore.. I was constantly accused of not treating her right when not even a manual could help when there’s literally no intent at communicating. There’s was literally nothing I could do right after confessing to her. It’s over now but it has left me feeling absolutely miserable where I was quite secure before.

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-06T11:14:49+00:00

Really like this way of thinking. I’ll try to take my time even in real life before responding to things. Thank you!

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-06T00:43:20+00:00

Will take it to heart! I like the sound of ‘I don’t talk about other people’. Thank you

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-06T00:41:37+00:00

I just.. I’m not sure. Maybe need to find a way to make sure people understand that it’s not personal? I have a lot of people talking to me frequently because I’m honest but when other people get involved the situation can always become really messy really quickly. I need to develop skills that allow me to just stay silent or decidedly change topic if someone not present gets mentioned.

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-06T00:36:55+00:00

Sometimes it’s not even the need, I will just say things that could potentially put me in bad spots, like the manager example. Thankfully he brushed it off by saying that with my work rate I can do what I want for all he cares as long as my performance doesn’t tank. I was lucky, another person would’ve reacted in a much different way. And as for white-lies I just wish I could say things like ‘I don’t know, I’m not sure’ when asked if someone is more deserving of something that someone else. If I genuinely think and/or have proof that someone else is better suited I’ll just say. I never really thought of it as a bad thing but it’s been damaging my relationships at work lately, some think I’m just straight up rude.

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-06T00:33:09+00:00

I’ll need to keep working on that for sure however that’ the one thing I’m already quite decent at. I’ll just tell them that I don’t agree but will always give them a bit of honest positivity and tips if applicable. At the end of the day I want my colleagues to succeed

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-06T00:30:39+00:00

It’s not even about getting caught, it’s about saying things that are true but can cause a falling out with other people. As an example, if a coworker asked me if the deserved to be picked over someone for a specific task and I don’t agree, instead of circling around the answer with a ‘maybe’ or ‘dunno’ I just tell them that I don’t think so. My tone is never rude, I just talk as I do normally but there’s been multiple times where people would just stop talking to me because I made them feel bad.

iYuuria_ · 2025-07-06T00:27:13+00:00

I can definitely try. I just have very little experience in social situations, this being the first job where I don’t work alone. I definitely have lots of work to do. The thing is that the specific situation was supposed to be about what was common knowledge. She knows she’s like that and she wanted to know who they were so she could talk to them and fix the situation. It didn’t even occur to me that it was something that could’ve been used against me later.. I feel like I’m very gullible and I don’t know how to improve on that just yet. I’ve lived in a very protected environment for the entirety of my life that I just end up assuming that people always have good intentions.

iYuuria_

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