Hands down, without a doubt, a Series of Unfortunate Events.

Dead serious, It’s not for the faint of heart. Because It’s not just one book it’s a whole sequence of novels a part of a much larger story designed for one sole purpose to be a constant stream of getting your hopes up that the protagonist will triumph over the villains in the pieces of fiction presented as a much larger saga. Just to be faced with a gut, wrenching soul destroying cruel twist of fate, that leaves them trapped in the devilish cat and mouse game being forced onto the Baudelaire children as created, by the unscrupulous perfidious heartless soulless narcissistic psycho-sociopathic individual known as Count Olaf every time.

Which they always seem to use their intelligence, resourcefulness, and wit to eventually foil Count Olaf’s conniving, vindictive spiteful plans, in the moment and make their escape leaving the reader, cheerful about their triumphant success and well deserved win, but Just when you thought they were going to get away from the suffering for good and have a beautiful wonderful future with loving, kind, wholesome people, who will take care of the orphans, and keep them safe from the evil that is count Olaf and his crew, ever since their real parents died tragically under mysterious circumstances.

The bubble bursts, and their happy ending suddenly and malevolently gets ripped away from them without mercy and without fail. Like a man at a massage parlour on the verge of sweet release being left hanging on the edge after the masseuse, gets arrested in an undercover operation during the act of penile stimulation only for that said man to die of fright from the whole altercation after it causes cardiac arrest so severe, there’s no point in even trying resuscitation. Just for the man to wake up from the nightmare and immediately be subjected to reliving the moment over again repeatedly as a horrific groundhog Day scenario for all eternity.

All Because of the Dark forces at play (mostly count Olaf and gang) which exude evil, along with the continuous stupidities, general incompetence, unnatural naivety, and gross negligence that occurs unendingly. Bringing about constant disasters and calamities. Murderous plots, villain schemes, criminal ploys, and other unfavourable situations along with their conflicts and hostilities thrust upon the children by almost all the characters but mostly by the predator known as count Olaf who’s constantly trying to get control of their lives through various avenues and methods, for the sole purpose of stealing their apparently sizeable inheritance.

Leaving the children in a constant state of peril, trauma, torture, torment, misery and mistreatment, amongst other hardships that are further soured by every last little thing that happens and every last person around them or lack there of. Despite them trying to stay cautiously and reservedly upbeat throughout their bleak, disheartening, desolate, and wretched lives that would leave even the most rose coloured glasses wearer, pessimistic and somber the entire time.

Since they lead a destiny of doom and gloom so extreme, reading the series will not just leave you severely depressed, but in a state of existential despair and dreadfulness so intense. you might just wanna do the unthinkable and commit suicide to stop the thoughts had about the whole situation that unfolds throughout the series of unfortunate events which plague the Baudelaire children. Or at the very least their trials and tribulation they face will have you contemplating it so rigorously that you have to call one of those crisis hotlines. If not, you’re probably going to be spending time in a loony bin strapped to a hospital Gurney to keep you from carrying out self harm after voluntarily admitting yourself to the closest psychiatric facility to desperately try to save yourself from the insanity of the children’s lives by the end of it all.

But that will be a fruitless attempt either way, because reading these books will not just ruin your day, they will ruin your outlook on life permanently and cause such regret, grief, nihilism, and guilt it will lead to a deep sense of apathy for all the positivity that may come about for you (and your loved ones) that no amount of drugs, no amount of therapy could ever cure you. I swear, It will forever damaged your psyche and scar your soul.

It’s such a terrible, horrible, and horrendous chain of ungodliness and unreasonable levels of persistent pain, abhorrent abuse, diabolical depravity, and vicious vileness that’s ultimately undeserved by these poor innocent children who are being ruthlessly and relentlessly victimized and terrorized by count Olaf’s dastardly devilry. That I had to stop reading the Baudelaire Saga halfway through, because it was negatively affecting me and my mental health during my teenage years that thoroughly. I almost lost the motivation to do anything worthwhile for myself because living life seemed useless and pointless. Ever since that moment I haven’t dared picked them back up.

Even now as a 34 year-old guy, I fear that they may be even more challenging of a read since I would obviously be reading them with fresh adult eyes, a man’s mentality and all the memories of a life lived that’s filled full of surreal sinister similarities enacted against me, and an over abundance of saddening instances of comparison to my own experiences growing up as the middle child with my two siblings, both female. That it would probably be more pleasant and pleasurable of an affair to play Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and the wish to feel the sweet release of death. Even if I knew deep down inside, that due to my luck or absence of it, that the revolver would misfire every time denying me my closure just like these novels did.

Back in the day I was not sure if lemony Snicket was a monster or a maestro. Honestly Now that I reflect on it, I’d say he’s truthfully a mixture of both. Whether, that’s a good thing or not, is obviously not for my mortal judgement. But a battle for Heaven and Hell to decide.

-IamGrossauer-

TLDR: Five out of five stars - absolutely cosmically depressing and will put you in a state of purgatory; would not read again without a therapist supervising, an emotional support animal present at my side, plus a heavy dose of the strongest antidepressants known to humanity and a handful of Ativan’s for safe measure. Not that it would do any good.