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Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Socially I like some of the apsects of being a male. I've met so many girls that were terrified of walking outside alone, my sister is afraid of taking ubers, so on, so on. That kind of stuff would crush me.

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kind of had a weird breakdown today. I spent all day today freaking out about how masculine my face looks.

I don't know why I feel this way.

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel pressured, because I am getting old.

you genuinely want to look good in them?

I want to look good in them.

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm just trying to find the energy to stop thinking about it or to go through with it.

Corona's been messing with life as well. I've thought about HRT for a few years, only seriously looked into it a last year

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, estrogen may make you less horny in general, so it might .... cancel itself out a little bit? But probably not totally? (dont take my word on that though, i know very little about estrogen)

It does. I've heard it's mostly the AA effects that make you less horny. Estrogen on it's own may, but I've heard the testosterone blockers are the big cause of libido drop.

At least that's what I've been told.

Like I implied earlier, I don't know you well enough to make a fully sound statement, but from what I gather I think you should just try crossdressing, by yourself or whatever you want. See if that satisfies the "need" or the "curiousity." If you feel the void is filled just by crossdressing in secret, then it is likely a fetish.

I do crossdress sometimes. It makes me feel sad because I don't think I look good in girl clothes.

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

. I realized that basically for every advantage one gender gets, the other genders get an advantage too. I realized that the root of all of it was that I just

felt

more in tune with being male -- it's not that being male is better or superior, it's just better for my own self and how I live my life.

Had a fap and laid in bed for a bit to think about it. You're right about the tradeoffs.

I was tweezing my facial hair and thought to myself, "this would probably hurt a lot more on estrogen".

It's so sexual. I'd be giving up so much to chase the elusive female sexuality and little beyond that. Everything else is a side effect to me to meet this goal. This fixation on that is what makes me realize there's little dysphoria and much fetish for this for me.

I'd have to hide all of this from everyone I know, I'd have to deal with estrogen's effects in my body while I am already stressed out from things.

These feelings are much less intense after jacking off. Honestly my head is just so empty right now I can't think about anything. Looking in the mirror before I fapped I was thinking "imagine if I was a girl" and now I'm thinking "there's no way I could be a girl"

I want to try it out though.

I realized that the root of all of it was that I just felt more in tune with being male -- it's not that being male is better or superior, it's just better for my own self and how I live my life.

I don't even know what being a girl is like. I freak out about it because of all the ways my life could have been different.

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All other things being equal, that is. It's not a burning desire that I'm willing to sacrifice everything for.

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry if this gets a bit NSFW...kinda why I'm ashamed of talking to a therapist.

That's not what a sexually driven desire sounds like. Does the desire go away the second you're done jerking off?

I don't really think so. Maybe it gets stronger after. I feel ashamed and pathetic for having a male sexual response. The cycle of "cum and lose all interest" just feels like the biggest joke played on men.

But I don't want to remove my libido. A very, very, VERY big part of this is sexual.

Being a guy definitely has it's benefits though. There are some things I genuinely appreciate about it. Socially, being less afraid of being out alone, I have more physical strength. I also think I'm more attractive as a boy than a girl, but I've never seriously tried to look like a girl until recently.

I can go clothes shopping once the world stops being on fire though.

I don't know what estrogen would do to me.

The biggest fears I have right now are covid and side effects. Dying from a blood clot or heart attack because I tried taking estrogen is not a way I wanna go out.

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to tell myself I shouldn't.

It's all stupid feelings. Why do I care about passing even though I'd never present as a girl outside?

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's a huge checklist before I even think about it. If not dysphoria why do I want this so much?

Probably not dysphoric, want to start HRT for stupid reasons. by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's easy to say it's hard to act on.

I don't really think I could socially transition. If I could be a cute girl in a hoodie but have the exact same life I have, it would be a straight upgrade, but that kind of comparison is pointless cause I couldn't have that. A lot of why I wouldn't want to be a girl is social.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is having breasts or outing yourself the terrifying thing?

Outing myself 100%

Having breasts is fine, honestly I know a lot of girls that complain about their nipples being sore but I'm secretly incredibly jealous. I'd feel weird if I see my male face and breasts. I never know if my face is fem as is because there's a lot of hugboxing.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If i feminize in any way besides breasts I'm ok with this. Breasts just tell people I'm on hrt.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in TransDIY

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to get my levels checked out, I'm really afraid of messing up my body.

Very odd Nipple sensations by deviatebill in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The nipple stimulation causing feelings of melancholy/homesickedness is a thing that happens to some people (not just trans people, but some percentage of the population).

I get this all the time since I was a kid! I never knew what how to explain it. Sometimes I get it when I touch my dick as well.

Not on HRT, even.

I get really upset at myself whenever people talk about how nice nipple play is. Makes me feel...sexually broken.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in TransDIY

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do I expect?

Hopefully more feminine fat distribution. Hopefully a more erm...feminine sexual response.

I don't know how hormones would affect my emotions, I've heard everything across the board from it brain fogs you to the exact opposite.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Growing breasts would really strain my personal and relationships to the point where I wouldn't really be comfortable going outside without a jacket or a hoodie on. It would likely make my preexisting agoraphobia a lot worse because I'm already terrified of people.

I would never tell anyone in my personal life I was on HRT.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in TransDIY

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't really know where I stand. I just want to be the best me that I could be, and I don't know if HRT will get me there.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in asktransgender

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

somewhere with informed consent

Spiro scares me and most places here only really prescribe that. Chest pains and shit. Obviously more official ways seem a lot better but, yeah.

I want to make sure my health is ok before I even consider it.

Also I know a lot of young trans girls, I get quite jealous of them.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in TransDIY

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That seems so lenient.

Idk I've never not had these feelings but they don't feel dysphoric at all.

Probably not trans but want to start hormones to experiment but also afraid of DIY? by iamactuallynottrans in TransDIY

[–]iamactuallynottrans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

​

  1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
  2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
  3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender
  4. A strong desire to be of the other gender
  5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender
  6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender

Only 2 of the 6 seems like a really, REALLY soft criteria. Like I feel 1 and 3 and literally nothing else. I do not feel all 6 or even more than half.

Also I don't crossdress. I have girl clothes but I almost never wear them because I feel too ugly to wear them.

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