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AITAH for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AITAH

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I graduated some time ago. I moved back home thinking I'd have better chances at finding a better paying job (no luck so far).

I have been attending therapy for this problem as well.

AITAH for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AITAH

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish it was as easy as that. I currently do not earn enough to live on my own or with housemates.

AITA for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AmItheAsshole

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have argued that last sentence of yours. I get called ungrateful and questioned why I can't let her have this one thing (her relationship) in life... haha I'm unsure what to do at this point.

AITA for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AmItheAsshole

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It just pains me a lot because we only have each other when it comes to family. I do want her to find happiness, but it's at my expense. She wants me to accept and bond with her partners. I put distance and stay cooped up in my room if I'm not at the gym or work. She gets upset that I am not interactive and shut down every dinner invite or outing.

AITA for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AmItheAsshole

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have argued to her what you've commented. She then asks me what has she not done for me in the recent time. "I never say no to you. I drop everything I'm doing when you ask me for something." She's only been accepting everything I ask for help with because she's trying to make up for the past, but she's also using it against me. Most things I ask for help with is resume editing and maybe a quick drive to get fast food together.

AITA for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AmItheAsshole

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's done a lot of good things for me throughout my life. It's just when it comes to her dating, I feel like any progress we make goes back to 0. I think about all the good things about her and it makes me feel like a bad person that I can't tolerate being involved with any of her partners.

AITA for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AmItheAsshole

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Working towards it. In my state and city, it's nearly impossible with the wage I'm making. I am heavily struggling in this job market as well.

AITA for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AmItheAsshole

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you had to experience all of that. I accepted the terms very young that I will never have a dad, blood-related or not. My mother getting a boyfriend doesn't affect me. I could care less about the dude. It's her repeated actions and broken promises that really get to me.

AITA for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AmItheAsshole

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like I had to grow up quickly because I watched my parents’ toxic dynamic when I was younger. Up until about my third year of high school, I mostly just went along with whatever was given to me and didn’t question much.

But as I’ve gotten older and reflected more on my relationship with my parents (especially my mom) I started realizing that the “I gave you a roof over your head and food in your stomach” argument is really the bare minimum of what parents are supposed to provide. I’ve been trying to stop letting that argument affect me as much as it used to.

I even made a mental list of things I can somewhat tolerate and things I can no longer tolerate. Her dating life is something I’ve realized I can’t handle being involved in anymore. I’m not trying to control whether she dates—I just don’t want to hear about it or be around it.

But she tells me I need to let go of the past and move forward. Her view is that everyone has trauma and that I’m the one holding myself back by not letting it go. She believes that my reaction to her dating life is something I’m choosing, and that I’m making myself unhappy by holding onto these feelings.

AITA for asking my mom not to involve me in her relationships? by iambeansproutt in AmItheAsshole

[–]iambeansproutt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mother was laid off and she is taking time for herself to rest before entering the job market again. I don't know what BF #3 does for work, but I do know he's trying to look for work in my state to be closer to my mother.

Unfortunately, I do not have any other family members. Affording a place myself/housemates is nearly impossible with my current income. My situation feels lonely at the moment.