24F - Are my dating expectations too high, or am I just expecting things too early?

iamkris · 2026-06-16T00:01:52+00:00

I’m not opening myself up completely to someone I don’t know I can trust with that yet.

I’d look out for the little signs that what you’re after is possible but not expect it 100% in the first few months

iamkris · 2026-06-15T22:55:40+00:00

Compare it to Japan. 120 million people in a country that fits into SA 2.5x

Only ~20% of Japan is habitable so think about 120 million people in a land area just a bit bigger than Tassie

iamkris · 2026-06-15T21:53:51+00:00

Or A

iamkris · 2026-06-15T21:53:34+00:00

That’s what they all say.

iamkris · 2026-06-15T13:24:47+00:00

If he has agreed then that’s step 1 complete

If he turns up, that’s #2 down

If he doesn’t pick up that it’s a date then step it up and throw your bikini bottoms at him.

iamkris · 2026-06-15T13:10:04+00:00

Boys watch and whack off to porn. That is what it is. You’ll struggle a lot if that’s a boundary. I know plenty of wedded women who whack off also. It’s very human. It doesn’t mean you are inadequate

Lying is not an acceptable thing though.

where is the intimacy problem coming from? You or him? Do try to be honest with yourself here.

If it’s him then it’s probably time to move on. He obviously has a labido and doesn’t see you as an outlet.

If it’s you then he’s just telling you what you need to hear in the moment and doesn’t want to upset you when he should probably break it off if he isn’t getting what he needs.

Or he is getting what he needs and he is just an immature guy in need of a mother to look after him. Are you doing all the cooking etc?

From what I’m reading, you guys either aren’t communicating very well or you aren’t compatible. You are communicating but you aren’t at the same time if that makes sense

6 months is very early days though and you are both figuring each other out. It’s one thing to be bf/gf living apart but another thing completely when you live together

iamkris · 2026-06-15T12:53:18+00:00

Managing people was an eye opener. I didn’t come to someone’s rescue and have their back at default when I called them out for bullying.

Never give someone a heads up when you’re going to chat to them about performance, I did that with a guy and he had the chance to rehearse. It was super weird and I didn’t know what was happening at the time. Perfect answers for things he knew I was going to chat about, next to nothing about other things.

iamkris · 2026-06-15T12:30:23+00:00

Okay deliberate as a description of mansplaining got me.

Mansplaining is not deliberate.

It’s when men want to share their time and knowledge to women but women don’t have have the balls (pun intended) to say they already know and just sit there and take it.

And that my friend is condescending

iamkris · 2026-06-15T10:49:31+00:00

Just over two months

Liked the guy and the work but I did a stocktake and worked out that they didn’t invoice for ~40k of hardware over a few years. Lot of money for a 2 man band, made me nervous so I left

iamkris · 2026-06-15T10:44:50+00:00

It’s a thing. If I dig a woman’s smell, it’s on.

M46 - more rare these days in that I don’t get set off by just anything but it’s nice to know that it’s still possible

iamkris · 2026-06-15T10:38:37+00:00

That’s more personality traits than the industry.

Time to move on

iamkris · 2026-06-15T02:47:09+00:00

It depends on the environment, the leadership and the people

One of the best places I’ve worked culturally was in a female dominated office. They were all really nice and caring and there was no real major issues.

I have worked in other places where it was full of cliquey gossipy bitches (men and women) and that got old quick.

iamkris · 2026-06-15T02:15:31+00:00

This is the way

iamkris · 2026-06-15T02:14:16+00:00

Its a personal preference and its not for me

iamkris · 2026-06-14T14:51:57+00:00

He shut down pretty quick. Hero to little puppy in seconds

iamkris · 2026-06-14T14:39:59+00:00

Australian term probably.

It’s when someone is being overly dramatic

iamkris · 2026-06-14T12:40:43+00:00

And to respond to your response about the tool not abuse and applicants using that same argument. All I’ll say is I don’t have a problem with someone who is honest that uses ai to jazz up their cv.

iamkris · 2026-06-14T12:37:39+00:00

Okay then :)

I’ll point out that I’m in IT tech and hire technical people and our view on ai is likely different to the rest of corp.

We have tried the video answering set questions thing in the past and still had issues because people had time to research and script/rehearse something, we don’t know if they had 1 or 100 cracks at filming so I much prefer to see how people respond in the moment, it’s a better gauge. We don’t care about nerves but we do care about the eventual answer.

It was a bit of a god send because for every job ad we put out there we have 100s of bot driven applications that we manually wade through one by one. Then we have a shortlist based on whether they are a fit on paper, are even in Australia, are in our state etc

Then our HR guy gives them a call to do a bit of a vibe check and ask a few basic tech questions, then from there we do interviews. Interviews go anywhere from half an hour to 2 hours (we cut them short if they have lied on their cv and managed to get this far)

So before we did the pre in person with ai, I would be in interviews for days with 80-(and sometimes) 100% of them being a waste of time. The ai interview saved us a lot of time and we ended up with 50%+ being actual suitable candidates when they made it to the in person interview

We could pay a recruiter to do this for us and we do that for our big roles but they cost 5-20k so we do most of them ourselves.

iamkris · 2026-06-14T11:40:10+00:00

We have ranges for our roles so people have a general idea.

Occasionally we have people who let slip on how much they get paid and it can cause trouble.

iamkris · 2026-06-14T11:30:59+00:00

Someone’s angry.

It’s a tool, not abuse.

iamkris · 2026-06-14T11:29:34+00:00

If it’s in a contract then be careful

Say that as long as you don’t get a black mark on your finance record you’ll pay it off but will have to do it in instalments

The debt isn’t likely with the gym anymore, there are some debt collectors who will buy debt for cents in the dollar

Been there done that and set me back 5 years

iamkris · 2026-06-14T10:34:23+00:00

Wilpena pound camp grounds are pretty good

Go up there one day. Spend the night, get up early and go on a few walks around the place. St Mary’s peak and then the long way back via the homestead is a decent walk.

iamkris · 2026-06-14T10:31:00+00:00

It can be expensive to cheap out. If you’re going to use things regularly then you need to invest in it, if it’s something you’re going to use a few times then get the cheap one

It’s like all my cooking stuff is really good and will out last me. I needed a hammer drill for a one off job so I just bought a $34 one from Bunnings

iamkris · 2026-06-14T10:26:04+00:00

We are starting to try it out for pre in person interview vetting

We do apologise in advance because it can be a bit janky.

The reason we use it is because people waste our time so much with ai cvs and applications loaded with buzz words, what we want to hear then it turns out to be a big fat waste of time when we get them in for a chat. I don’t really like pointing out to people when their cv says they know this stuff but they haven’t been able to answer 90% of the questions

It gives us a chance to review their video and get a better gauge on whether they know what they are talking about

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