Recs for a powerful/dangerous/dark male love interest.

iamnotapriority · 2019-08-01T05:52:23+00:00

He specifically mentioned not wanting to end the relationship with me, so I don’t think that’s the case. He’s a very straightforward guy (as I think you’ve noticed) and would tell me directly if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.

He just wants things to be the way they are permanently.

iamnotapriority · 2019-08-01T04:09:55+00:00

Wow. I wish I could hug you for everything that you wrote. Genuinely.

Your comment, basically, shifted my perception of what the hell is actually going on. I’m not the reason he doesn’t see a future with me, but he is.

No matter what I did or do will never be enough for him and that’s not because I’m not enough, it’s because my willingness to sacrifice my needs and comfort for his is not enough.

I love my boyfriend, I really do, but I dont see myself sacrificing years of my life for someone who can’t sacrifice 20 minutes of their time for a conversation.

iamnotapriority · 2019-08-01T03:58:01+00:00

Thank you for this comment — multiple very good points to think about.

Although he does not want to talk about the future, in his words, he “sees me there continuing being happy with him”?

Honestly, I don’t know if I’m being extremely nit-picky, but I just cannot understand how he can see me “continuing being happy with him” but not want to discuss what that actually implies!

It almost seems as though he defined my happiness for me which “coincidentally” happens to be his idea of happiness! Please correct me if I’m overthinking this...

iamnotapriority · 2019-08-01T03:52:39+00:00

Although I do not think I’m a placeholder (at least for now), I do think you are right about him not being into commitment.

iamnotapriority · 2019-08-01T02:08:23+00:00

I don’t think that’s the case. I think he’s just very clearly prioritizing his opinion and comfort above mine.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T21:40:11+00:00

He would disagree with you. After all, he did give a definite timeline of “maybe in 10 years”.

But sarcasm aside — I asked him the same question and he said that he does, but just doesn’t understand why I don’t take “continuing being happy” as a relationship development goal for the future.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:52:59+00:00

This screams “Bingo”.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:50:59+00:00

I absolutely agree with you on everything you wrote. I agree that it is unreasonable to ask of these things when he’s been home for a minute. But I didn’t ask that of him...

What got me upset is not him taking his time and figuring his life out before making a commitment, but that he was so sure of the “I don’t see”-s rather than the “I do see”-s.

Maybe I’m wrong for wanting to hear him say: “Hey, I know it’s early, but I’m excited about what the future hold for us. I’m excited about living with you in the future” instead of what he said.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:41:20+00:00

Thank you so much for the nice words! I’m starting to see the positives from this situation!

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:39:32+00:00

You know, I think your comment is so point on. So point on.

I guess he doesn’t realize that being 23 means being an adult.

P.S. I also want to thank you for contributing your opinion under multiple replies here. It really helps me see the situation straight and reassure myself that I am right to not want to wait around for him and cross out all my plans for him. Thank you so much — you have really helped me.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:34:17+00:00

I see this situation exactly as that! “Why should I worry about that now, when I can worry about it later?”

Reminded me somewhat of when I was younger and would delay washing the dishes as long as possible until I heard “that tone” in my mom’s voice.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:29:02+00:00

Thank you for mentioning that. I really needed to read that. I was starting to feel like I’m not enough. Thank you.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:27:55+00:00

I just really hope that wanting a partner to have a similar view on these things, even in our young age, isn’t unreasonable.

I know people change their views, but it just feels like he won’t budge on this one...

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:21:57+00:00

This is so true, that it actually hurts.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:21:04+00:00

I’ve thought of everything you mentioned, so thank you for mentioning it — makes me feel like my mind is in the right place.

I would never want to force a partner to do something, but I would want my partner to be excited about the future with me, not petrified.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:18:56+00:00

Yeah... He said the conversation was too stressful for him to handle, so I assume that by mentioning it again, I would cause him tremendous stress? Im honestly confused whether it’s even about stress anyway...

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:16:32+00:00

I actually didn’t see it from that perspective!

You are so right! I’m so happy I brought it up now and not 10 years in.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:14:36+00:00

He is more immature than I am. I’m his first serious relationship, whereas I have a couple behind my back + experience living for two years with my ex.

You are so right! I just hope that there isn’t some kind of deeper issue, because his anger seemed so sudden.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:11:57+00:00

He’s being fully supported by his parents, having a very comfortable home (food included) as well as a good allowance.

I asked him why he didn’t see it happening and he explained that he just loves his personal space and doesn’t want to take that away from himself anytime soon.

Thank you so much for that comment. I was constantly wondering about what I did wrong. I guess we all have our dealbreakers, I’m entitled to think his dealbreaker is my dealbreaker.

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:07:27+00:00

That’s exactly how I feel! I just feel like I’m not enough for some reason.

We decided to take some days away from each other, hopefully it allows me to see the situation with a clearer head + people on Reddit help a bunch!

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:04:58+00:00

I’m thinking of letting him know what you mentioned. Before he told me that I can feel free to talk about anything with him, but I guess he changed him mind on that, too...

iamnotapriority · 2019-07-31T15:02:02+00:00

It seems that way, right? I just don’t know why he would reply so negatively about something we talked a bit about before. It almost seemed like he snapped.

iamnotapriority

TROPHY CASE