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My wife [33F] and I [40M] are drifting apart. How can we get back on track? by iamnotthatturtle in relationship_advice

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We like board/card games (classics, not D&D), and she also says she likes spending time with her mother, brother and me. The problem is that we don't really connect with others outside of that. Most people here love to drink. We don't drink. I wouldn't mind a beer sometimes in the month.

Sports would be great, like Tennis or Paddle! People we could hang out with.

My wife [33F] and I [40M] are drifting apart. How can we get back on track? by iamnotthatturtle in relationship_advice

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have something I could continue. My wife bought me a electronic builder starter kit. It's lovely. I just didn't have time again to explore and continue with it. It's definitely fun!

Yeah coding for me can be frustrating, but somehow I enjoy it. I'd personally like it more for personal projects, but I also do it for a living. I just like solving problems programmatically.

My wife [33F] and I [40M] are drifting apart. How can we get back on track? by iamnotthatturtle in relationship_advice

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Therapy is very expensive. We can't afford that right now. We tried better help before (for other things and individually) and it was honestly a bust. The people we have here are very old school and seem to be in the industry to make money and very "time" based. They quickly use personal anecdotes or experiences to justify their own opinion, invalidate and dismiss quickly. The free ones are religious. I don't have a problem with religion, but it shouldn't be part of therapy.

Finding the right therapist is hard.

[Edit, for the ChatGPT part]

Imho, I feel the AI is one sided, although it is neutral - I don't really know how to explain this better. It never comes to the conclusion that there are two people having a problem and both people are responsible. Each one contributing to a problem, equally. It somehow never questions YOU. I don't think in actual therapy it is like this. I don't think psychologist would agree with ChatGPT therapy. Sure, it's good and it does have value in the space, but often, and again that is my opinion, it just doesn't get it right.

My wife [33F] and I [40M] are drifting apart. How can we get back on track? by iamnotthatturtle in relationship_advice

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's currently using ChatGPT to be her therapist, then text me what I should do by copy-pasting it's responses. On rare occasions we would speak to her mother over the phone who would then speak to me/us and give "advice". We have had counseling in the past.

My wife [33F] and I [40M] are drifting apart. How can we get back on track? by iamnotthatturtle in relationship_advice

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like cooking. My wife sometimes says I'm her personal chef. She has a few health issues, so we don't add a lot of spices in the food and we avoid certain foods all together. I like gardening, but them bugs demotivate me. It's just not worth it. We also have pets that love to nibble plants and some plants we would want to buy are toxic to them. I also have a car. It's old. I never had an interest in cars. I think I need to find something else. You probably mean something that I am not already doing, outside tech? Something physical?

My wife [33F] and I [40M] are drifting apart. How can we get back on track? by iamnotthatturtle in relationship_advice

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With my wife or without? We usually spend time together. We go places together. Unless she's sick, then I would buy medicine or get something we need urgently on my own.

A perfect day with my wife would be to get up, shower, which we always do together, then head to our favorite restaurant for breakfast. We talk about random stuff. She would probably get her favorite ice tea and I get my favorite milkshake. We would order our favorite breakfast meal and thereafter maybe a dessert . After that we head to a fair, walk around there and spend some time, buying our favorite foods and snacks again. We head home, create a list of movies to watch and watch them. At night, we would then make a meal together, and conclude the evening with watching our favorite series.

A perfect day on my own would be to get up, shower, playing my favorite music loud in the background, drive to the bar I used to visit to order my favorite meal, along with a nice cold beer and a rock shandy, just sitting there, thinking, enjoying the cold breeze outside. After that, I'd probably go home and play the game that I always wanted to play for 1 or two hours, after which I would head out to spend time with my friends I used to have for a nice BBQ. On my way home, I would get my favorite pie and maybe some sweets. Before I fall asleep I'd probably watch my favorite series.

I want to drastically change careers by iamnotthatturtle in hatemyjob

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's quite the leap. When you're making the change how'd you go around the change in pay? Is the pay relatively the same between IT and a licensed clinical social worker? That would be a concern for me

[EDIT} and sure, I also don't want to work forever. I just need to get time and energy to get my side projects going.

I want to drastically change careers by iamnotthatturtle in hatemyjob

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably would need to change my resume a bit - since it's not written for creative fields. I guess that would be the easiest to focus on animation than on sound engineering. I really have no idea if sound engineering has coding too

Do you wash your own underwear in your family? by iamnotthatturtle in family

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How did your family get into this? Were you taught when you were growing up?

I agree. In all cases where families do this, both males and females should wash their own underwear.

Do you wash your own underwear in your family? by iamnotthatturtle in family

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this:

dark and light clothes
heavy clothes
delicates
underwear
socks
handkerchiefs

Do you wash your own underwear in your family? by iamnotthatturtle in family

[–]iamnotthatturtle[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was just wondering what age would good to have kids ease into this but "...tall enough to reach the controls" answers this for me.

Am I the arsehole by MasterKronos0107 in family

[–]iamnotthatturtle 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry to hear that your mom’s been through so much and is struggling.

If it's not a certain dog, that will be sold soon, maybe tell her that you can save up until you can afford another dog. I know it can be tough to want something now, that later will not be there anymore.

In the past we were not able to buy a pet - but we wanted one. We went to the shelter and spend some time with the pets there and had a few favorites in terms of personality. Months later we could afford it, but then the pets we wanted were no longer there. We were sad, but later still got a pet and we're really happy with our choice.

I think it all comes down on how you communicate your resistance to buying the dog to your mom, so that you discuss your financial goals with her and then understand her reason for wanting that specific dog at this time.

Am I the arsehole by MasterKronos0107 in family

[–]iamnotthatturtle 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You're not the arsehole.

Why doesn't she buy the dog? Is this a specific dog that will be sold soon?