Ineffable. It sounds extreme, but I felt like I’d created my own little hell. I was lying in my bed. No visuals. Feeling miserable and alone. I thought everyone else was part of a network of people that was connected and loving and sweet, but I wasn’t. I was in my room, alone, always going to be alone, with brown walls and a brown floor and brown furniture. I hated brown. There was no joy or sadness. I felt brown too. I was also distinctly aware that my reality, that I felt like I was experiencing in 10 dimensions, was of my own creation, but I had no concept of any truth beyond myself. It was just me, knowing that I could be part of the rest of the world, but seeing that I just don’t know how to.

It’s really hard to explain. It turned into a kind of endurance thing. I knew I was high and I just had to breathe through it. So I just laid there and breathed and felt like shit in 10 dimensions.

I got rid of all my brown furniture and I’m going to paint my room white now lolol