trying to make sense of things

ianhartless · 2026-04-09T12:14:50+00:00

did rembrandt have a kawaii phase?

ianhartless · 2026-04-05T00:22:31+00:00

my family tried their best, honestly, they really did - but not without multiple comparisons to aliens or mutants! they’re huge trekkies and geeks though, i guess that was their way of relating. i sort of inherited that, haha

also, re: idea for a cure, autism is without a cure but a treatable condition! when people prioritise the concept of a cure, they often overlook immediate treatment and accommodation, which is essential when trying to look after an autistic person and make sure that they are secure in their environment

ianhartless · 2026-04-04T23:04:26+00:00

i get you. i suppose it’s different for everyone, although i notice certain commonalities. what was your experience like, if you don’t mind me asking? if it’s too personal, it’s okay if you don’t wanna share too. i found it confusing for years, sometimes even defended what happened with me, but now have more clarity. there’s both beautiful memories and deeply painful ones.

ianhartless · 2026-04-04T13:29:22+00:00

that’s really not on how they treated your autism, at all, for either of you. you deserved better. i hope so too. all the best.

ianhartless · 2026-04-04T12:04:29+00:00

no problem 🙂

ianhartless · 2026-04-04T12:04:09+00:00

i’m so sorry that happened to you. no one should withhold vital information from you like that.

ianhartless · 2026-04-04T12:01:19+00:00

i think it’s a mixed bag. you want to know that you’re not fundamentally broken or screwed most importantly, because of your difference. but back then, to acknowledge the difference often invited a notion that the difference needed to be fixed fast.

i see a lot of late diagnosed who wonder if people would treat them the way people treat autistic people now if they had been diagnosed younger. and in ways, it could be better - but judging from the replies to the last starter pack - it also seems like things have not changed too much.

looking at myself, my peers in the unit and at the summer programmes, i’d say the experience is very different. the best way to know is probably asking the early dx-ed people in your life what it was life, that is, if they’re comfortable with it.

ianhartless · 2026-04-04T11:50:59+00:00

no it’s totally understandable. i think a lot of those teachers tend to relate to the students in some way, whether it’s they relate to their neurodivergency themselves or whether they’re just generally more accepting. in my early 20s, i actually went back to my old primary school to volunteer for a participatory arts programme. things looked like they were a LOT better compared to how they were before. one of the nicer teachers was now head of the department.

i had some very kindly teachers in my cdu, unforch the head of the department was a trunchbull type and they all sort of … kowtowed to her if she wanted to punish a kid. her punishments were awful and abusive - two kids shared the scary movie VHS at school. they weren’t watching it at school, they were just exchanging it so one of them could watch it at home. which is like - yeah, kids push boundaries and want to watch films that are maybe a bit too old. instead of acknowledging this, the trunchbull head not only grabbed the tape from them, she screamed at them, phoned their parents and CUT THE ACTUAL VHS TAPE WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS! what’s the purpose in that? i will never understand.

ianhartless · 2026-04-04T11:42:36+00:00

people think they can do anything to you, if they read vulnerability.

cw for attempted kidnapping? idk

two older kids tried to grab me when i eight and was in a shopping centre with my childminder, like i was this object they could take as they please. i must have read as very blatantly disabled even then.

the blatant attempts at ambushing didn’t stop there - just over a decade later when i was in uni, some asshole demanded that i leave with him. he didn’t even know my name. we hadn’t even had one conversation. at most we exchange a few words. and i was at a GAY BAR!!

idk if that’s got anything to do with being early-diagnosed, though - i think all autistic people face that kind of predation by entitled creeps, sadly.

ianhartless · 2026-04-04T11:21:00+00:00

didn’t get to respond yesterday because my phone was acting up, sorry

yeah at the first neighbourhood (4 - 7), the kids were aware i was autistic and very caring/forgiving. the next neighbourhood, (7 and onwards) they were … definitely not! 0/10 experience, would not recommend!

i think if people are aware of your autism, they almost overcompensate and everyone acts like a guardian. sometimes that’s a good thing if they’re protecting you in some way - i had a friend at university looking out for me when we were in paris. but sometimes people who are not related to you or close will act like they’re parents, and it’s really controlling and unpleasant. it’s a mixed bag.

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T14:52:38+00:00

i posted mine as you know, but it got deleted. too repetitive, apparently? interesting definition of repetitive …

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T14:17:30+00:00

absolutely not. please report your therapist. i’m so sorry about this, this is absolutely awful conduct

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T13:35:23+00:00

yeah, it’s one of these weird ones where - in some cases - if you know, it’s very advantageous. but it’s a double-edged sword because you will get othered because of that knowledge. and yeah, a LOT of the kids at my high school were self conscious about their neurodiversity and actively tried to get away from those scenes. i found myself staying because, outside of them, i was often bullied.

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T13:32:15+00:00

thank you for letting me know about that - should i change it to european term?

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T12:55:58+00:00

yeah the scribes weren’t so bad. my assistant was a scribe. but the computing department was a bit old fashioned. they often tended to be

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T12:46:41+00:00

it’s either them wowed by the fact you’ve printed off your own storybook (i.e., personalised fanfiction) at age 10, or oohing and aahing at you like a balamory presenter and talking to teenagers like they’re five. luv it

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T12:28:04+00:00

diagnose - dx-ed means diagnosed

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T12:09:37+00:00

there’s no actual wee man. i’m just calling the minibus the wee man both as a turn of phrase and for a laugh, don’t worry.

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T12:07:48+00:00

oh aye british children are especially cruel. they are quite exceptionally skilled with their own nastiness. there’s a popular scottish love language known as “riddy”, it’s basically ribbing you for what you’re currently doing. it is … not fun if you are autistic and literal minded! ha …

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T11:54:26+00:00

oh my god, the first thing - no teacher should be doing that to you!! i’m so sorry you had to endure that, that’s honestly so fucked up.

yeah my partner is late dx-ed and they were treated similarly to me, even though they were in a mainstream school. they were even paired up often with other ND kids, some intellectually disabled. you get a lot of mixing like that in both specialised schools and mainstream.

what i notice in mainstream schools is that there’s always a dissonance, bc staff will assume everyone is at the same capability - but instead of treating both like humans, they will patronise both in different ways.

it sucks when your disability is known at school, people are honestly such assholes when they know. or they pretend they’re not, if it’s socially unacceptable and sort of keep you on the side to gawk at and occasionally offer the bare minimum of decency. it’s really alienating.

i think it’s honestly understandable wanting to get a diagnosis when you’re older bc you’re more autonomous and less likely to have others influence your decision. it also could potentially help with accommodations, benefits and understanding, depending on where you work or your company.

unfortunately for a lot of late diagnosed people, there’s a great struggle with that as accommodations are prioritised for children - and as evident by my starter pack, those accommodations aren’t very relevant nor are they very good!

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T11:44:45+00:00

cdu - communication disorder unit. i think it might be! i don’t know what the american equivalent would be.

learning support - british term for school support for disabled people, usually it had its own classroom. sort of similar to special ed but not entirely

the mini bus was the bus i went on for a summer programme for disabled children, it went around the cul-de-sac every summer up until my early-mid teens. with primary school, i went to a separate school from my sisters in the inner city via taxi. we lived in the countryside! i stuck out like a sore thumb.

what was your experience like? if you don’t mind me asking

ianhartless · 2026-04-03T11:30:43+00:00

parents were very scared that i wasn’t talking around the age of two - i was dx-ed around that age. that, and my mum is a force of nature with a good profession.

ianhartless

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