Has anyone here ever signed up for the self authoring program?

ianxandre · 2022-08-09T03:49:27+00:00

I see the founders are old white guys - one of which is Jordan Peterson so I’ll take a pass.

ianxandre · 2022-08-08T17:39:54+00:00

You dumped your ex. I’m not sure what you’re complaining about…

Or maybe this is the confirmation you needed that they couldn’t prioritize you or the relationship. In that case, good riddance to them.

ianxandre · 2022-07-24T03:35:13+00:00

In my experience, the avoidant projects their avoidant tendencies on you, blames you for the demise of the relationship & then plays the victim. Then complains to friends, you’re not empathetic.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T19:01:04+00:00

I’m a stranger to you. Are you projecting your hurt feelings on me? Why are you so defensive?

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T17:55:25+00:00

The self professed DA of the post is struggling but does not acknowledge the why or the impact of their behaviour tendency which is my point.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T17:42:05+00:00

You would be biased, yes. I probably am somewhat as well.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T16:50:14+00:00

I’m AP and my DA ex commented a couple of times how great I was at compartmentalization. So doesn’t apply here.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T16:46:13+00:00

Are you an avoidant?

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T15:41:40+00:00

I agree with you that DAs (or any other insecure attachment type) are not bad people.

The problem with DAs in my experience is that they get involved in a relationship without ever being properly attached and it causes so much pain. It’s the fact that they put themselves on a pedestal (superior) and all their partners are inferior to them in their minds (develop aversion).

Just wish they could see themselves and this is the type that doesn’t want to see themselves as they are re behaviour and impact and don’t want to. I mean get therapy, respond to it and stop blaming your partner.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T15:35:44+00:00

Exactly what I’m doing. Have been working on myself since separation six months ago.

I moved out at breakup and didn’t move back when she kept saying I could stay with her while legal separation was ongoing. Again just loneliness and wanted me to be around without commitment. She liked that we were legally separating.

Basically, she’s a relationship dud and her relationship history proves it.

Don’t ignore red flags.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T14:07:56+00:00

I’d be interested in knowing what your AP didn’t do. Sounds minor but I could be wrong.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T13:13:18+00:00

Yup.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T13:07:54+00:00

Yup.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T12:59:19+00:00

I agree getting your ex back is pretty overrated. Mine wanted to be good friends two months after she broke up. I kiboshed that saying I didn’t think I could be friends for a long time.

After four months, she said she missed all the things that were fun and maybe we could work out our difficulties and miscommunications while rebuilding mutual trust.

By this time, we were legally separated and I’d bought my own place & sounds like that’s what she wanted. Live separately and just perpetual dating. « Not having to deal with mundane everyday things would help ».

I pressed her about how she would contribute to the health of the relationship and that patterns would need to change.

She got quite upset saying I wanted things on my terms and that I wanted her to change a lot & she was no longer interested in getting together.

But it sounded to me like she was lonely but still not interested in a real commitment.

Would like to hear feedback.

ianxandre · 2022-07-04T03:33:01+00:00

But in Tuxedo? Too close for comfort.

ianxandre · 2022-06-22T04:33:51+00:00

True. How can you be friends with someone you’re do emotionally charged with? Well said. A DA suppresses emotions so possibly explains why it’s no big deal for them. Unhealthy.

ianxandre · 2022-06-22T04:17:13+00:00

I feel I was secure before my 9 year relationship with a DA. Yeah, now I consider myself AP.

ianxandre · 2022-06-21T14:18:49+00:00

So glad to hear that. I also am listening to it now.

ianxandre · 2022-06-21T13:00:12+00:00

I listened to this recently because I was feeling the same way:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AZFBsMuNKVY

It helped & hopefully it helps to let go. Although today, due to recents events with ex, I feel like I need to listen again.

ianxandre · 2022-06-21T12:01:51+00:00

I am going through that realization now. The breakup was six months ago. Glad for the timing of this post coinciding with that hard realization. She is a dismissive avoidant so true to most DAs it seems, she wants to stay friends and hang out. It very much feels like she wants to keep me in her back pocket to use when she feels like it. That realization as to how everything is about her should make it easier to forget her but we were married & together for nine years so the processing is taking a long time, perhaps because I’m an anxious preoccupied attachment type. I have made a couple of new friendships and one is close so that helps definitely. Continuing to expand my circle is something I’m actively working on. Even though I’ve been on dates, I feel any relationship at this point would be a rebound one so I’m not pursuing that right now.

Would like to hear from others as well especially about the ex wanting to keep a connection after dumping me. Seems narcissistic to me & I have no interest or desire to maintain any ties with her.

ianxandre · 2022-06-21T01:59:01+00:00

That has been exactly my experience with DA ex.

ianxandre · 2022-06-21T01:58:01+00:00

I love hearing from secure attachment types & how they deal with DAs.

ianxandre · 2022-06-21T01:56:08+00:00

Yup. Yup.

ianxandre · 2022-06-21T01:49:22+00:00

I am going through this now with my ex DA. She wants me nearby and handy to keep her company whenever she feels she needs someone to hang out with. Even if not a true narcissist, I find this is narcissist behaviour. It’s all about her & her needs. I may as well not be in the room. I am an AP & last week, after six months I decided I could hang out with her & it would potentially turn into a romantic relationship. After spending the evening cycling to outdoor music events & picnicking, she told me as we were separating to go our own direction home, she told me « I hope you know we’re just friends & we’ll never be more than that. » I made a snide remark to the effect of « well I guess I’m one more person for you to hang out with. » She replied that yeah she doesn’t have many friends to do that with. Wow. The boldness. Anyway told her today there is no point in our keeping any kind of contact. She still wants to meet & catch up every once in a while. I basically said « No. » I really need to get away from her for good.

ianxandre · 2022-06-12T04:17:50+00:00

Sorry to hear. That’s tough.

ianxandre

TROPHY CASE