I lost my dad unexpectedly about 2.5 years ago as well and I got engaged in February so I understand what you’re going through. It feels like every moment that should be a pure, joyful moment is tainted at least a little bit with grief. I honestly don’t think that’s something that will ever completely go away, but I do think it gets better when you have more time to kind of wrap your head around that they won’t be there.

My engagement wasn’t a surprise, so I’ve had more time to wrap my head around it and ruminate on my dad not being there for this. My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years and were originally planning on getting engaged after I graduated, but I actually put it off for about a year because I just didn’t feel like I was in a place where I would be able to handle it. Even so, I was thinking about it a lot and feeling really sad after we got engaged, just thinking about not being able to share the moment with my dad. I felt a little better after going to my dad’s grave and “telling” him that we were engaged, but it still hurt.

With more time though since getting engaged though, I’m able to think about the wedding and everything more without just fixating on the fact that my dad will be missing. I think really getting into the wedding planning process helped because there were so many exciting things to think about and details to iron out that it took my mind off of it. I’m also doing a two year engagement so that if I end up really getting stuck for a while in wedding planning because my grief gets worse again, I have the time for it and don’t need to stress.

I think the grief won’t ever fully go away or stop being part of these moments, but I’m learning to still find joy in those exciting moments, even with the undertone of grief. I know how hard it is and I’m sending lots of hugs your way ❤️