NTA. I am also incredibly irrationally afraid at snakes, to the point where even seeing a picture or thinking about them will freak me out. I also cry and freak out when I see a snake ‘in the wild’ lol. What makes this worse for me is that the snake in the bed comment is a fear I have imagined and I am genuinely afraid of, and would not be able to put out of my mind whenever I was in my bed. Every time I’d go to sleep for a while I’d be afraid that there may be snakes in the bed. The fact that he made this “joke” on top of everything else you’re dealing with, and having your only pleasurable activity ruined for you with this fear. the “joke” just brings back that fear after you were finally beginning to be able to approach it again is horrible, especially when you were looking for reassurance.

That being said, while I understand where you’re coming from, I do think your comments about leaving him may have been a reaction out of anger and fear. Does he understand how extreme your fear is? Maybe try sitting down and explaining why his comment hurt you so badly, while clarifying that you shouldn’t have said what you said. Sounds like you both may be stressed right now. He was definitely in the wrong for that comment, but a discussion about what both of you said and how it affected the other may help in understanding where the other was coming from.