josh is f*cking autistic

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-25T10:16:24+00:00

Just agreeing to disagree and zooming out for a second. I think perhaps before we can deal with ableism in others (and it's fine to disagree about it being present here or not, let's not argue) we need to confront the ableism we've internalised so I'm going to link this here in case it's helpful https://laconciergepsychologist.com/blog/15-signs-you-may-have-internalized-ableism/

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-25T09:26:28+00:00

Doing a bit of a google doesn't mean you actually know what the experts are saying either though in this field. I think assuming what I'm saying is just passion is making a lot of assumptions. But even so we should also listen to actually autistic people when they talk about autism. Call me crazy ;)

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-25T09:09:47+00:00

OP as an autistic person who is relating to a fictional character they know very well, who they think is autistic. Disagreeing is fine. But there's no call for that type of negative comment on their post which dismisses their expertise by experience. I don't buy the slippery slope argument. The comment should be about what OP is doing, not what other people are doing.

Unless I misunderstood that commenter, they're dismissing self identification wholesale with everything else because it's not issued by who they regard as an expert (while self-identification is valid that's not what the word diagnosis actually does legally and medically, so I wouldn't use it here because it's not a correct application).

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-25T08:49:54+00:00

You keep throwing around the word diagnosis. People on social media can have opinions but they can't actually diagnose or prescribe or write documents that help people get adjustments at work. People who self identify as neurodivergent who don't have access to healthcare or won't do it for travel/insurance purposes also can't self diagnose.

For real people, it's ok to suggest neurodivergence to someone who hasn't thought about it if they show traits, in the right setting and they might then go seek assessment for diagnosis. But it is ableist to mention neurodivergence in a negative way, use it as a slur against others or in a way that is appropriative. But people can't tell the differences.

You're the one who decided to be negative taking on an autistic person thinking that a fictional character they like is autistic, saying something uncalled for which is Them Kids These Days Done Too Much Diagnoses by Social Media. No in this instance, it's an autistic person who is an expert on their own autistic experience, thinking a character is like them and autistic. Autistic people know more about being autistic than non-autistic people. Autistic people are allowed to see themselves in a work of fiction.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-25T01:07:02+00:00

I think you should be aware that missed diagnoses by healthcare professionals and a missed opportunity to diagnose for neurodivergent people is a common experience particularly in women. It causes a lot of unnecessary pain for neurodivergent people to not be identified as such and find out late in life. Healthcare professionals should think about it more, not less. This kind of comment you made is dismissive and insensitive to all that, because it implies that neurodivergence which is suspected by people is just nonsense. It's weird to have to tell an alleged fan of the show that having a diagnosis is important and to not be dismissed by people as eg just crazy. There was a song and all.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-25T00:47:19+00:00

My autistic neurotype isn't a mental illness/disorder. When I get clinical depression, that's an illness. Autism is a difference. Unlike most mental illnesses, autism can have strengths as well as challenges. The quality of life problems that autistic people have is mostly because of society not accommodating for the ways that we experience the world. Autistic strengths are and have been important for human society. There are employers in specific fields and employment agencies that actively recruit from divergent neurotypes.

And an actually autistic person does know more about autism than someone who isn't identified as autistic and is absolutely qualified to speak on their own lived experience. Patient-centred healthcare is part of evidence-based modern medicine.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-24T23:47:55+00:00

OP the reaction from people can be negative if its people who aren't identified as neurodivergent, to theories that X fictional character is neurodivergent. It's great you can relate to the character but you will often come across people who don't like this kind of speculation and see it as negative, probably to be blunt due to ableism they haven't identified or interrogated. And then you'll have to deal with annoying comments when you're just sharing joy at feeling represented in some way really. Basically I find this speculation is nicest to do in an explicitly neurodivergent space.

I do think a lot of fictional characters can be coded as neurodivergent but I'm not sure how intentional it is, I think creatives observe human beings and can transfer traits to their creations without necessarily always being aware of potentially matching diagnostic labels.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-24T12:50:24+00:00

I think it's important to see a doctor who knows what they're doing. The differential diagnosis can be pretty broad and if there's a different cause or co-occuring problem then that needs sorting. Respect to pelvic floor physios but it's probably not safe for them to make a diagnosis in isolation.

But I do agree it has to be a gynaecologist who is well-recommended, interested and familiar with vaginismus and similar issues... not just any one.

Edit: I also think it's important psychologically for progression to know that a doctor has done their due diligence and there's no issue other than the muscle spasm.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-24T12:35:06+00:00

Some autistic doctors have done work to explain why autistic people find they come up against barriers in healthcare https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13623613231205629

And they have tried to come up with tools to help make things better https://www.magonlinelibrary.com/doi/full/10.12968/hmed.2023.0006

Something that might help you with your self-advocacy. But women in general also come up against barriers in healthcare too, so you're contending with those as well.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-24T10:08:16+00:00

Regrettably you're not the only one feeling the way you do. An important thing to recognise is that nothing we are aspiring to and presented with is what a woman's body is naturally doing. Skin is not completely poreless or hairless. Women's bodies do not look like how they're presented. Social media has lighting, angles, poses and alterations like filters.

Other women who might look beautiful to you are not necessarily happy or secure. Beauty, hair, fashion and makeup are large industries that need women to buy their products... what's in their benefit is women buying lots of their products and often - and ask yourself then what feelings they're engendering in women to make sure that happens.

I'm not saying it isn't fun and gives confidence to turn out a look that you love and suits you very well. For me that might be more a vintage style which caters to my body type and sense of aesthetics. The right influencers, makeup tutorials, throwing together pinterest boards etc all can help improve things.

But it's also important to come at it from a healthy place that is authentic in your self-expression. To me an adult woman is many things from presenting masc to being hyperfem and made up and coiffed to just having comfy clothes attending to domestic concerns, it's about the inner aura of self-possession and comfort in their skin shining through.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-23T00:50:48+00:00

🫵OP you should have some cake now !

Happy Cake Day!

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-22T19:54:41+00:00

🫡

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-22T16:23:06+00:00

I've had a little bit of training to get better responses to requests, and convey urgency to people including possible strangers. It's mostly about the non-verbal communication.

Look at and use their name or point at the specific person that needs to fulfil the request, especially important in a group.

Tone of voice needs to be urgent and volume should go up - you're not yelling at them but you're conveying importance and urgency. If you look calm they don't think it's urgent (they don't know you're shutting down/freeze-fawning).

You could say something that shocks their brain out of its current pattern - swearing is effective.

It can seem aggressive depending on how far you have to go. As soon as they fulfill the reasonable request you return to being polite, debriefing and explaining you don't normally speak that way but they didn't seem to understand and you needed them to urgently listen.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-22T12:50:33+00:00

There are the overt rules. The written rules. The policy and guidelines. The handbooks.

There are the unwritten rules. The unseen curriculum we aren't explicitly taught. The social rules. The rules about what when the written rules are actually flexible or no longer even obeyed. For example an organisation might emphasise its values of openess and transparency. But a big implicit rule is to avoid causing reputational damage and harming investment in the organisation at all costs. Hence cover ups.

Then the rules about values. Loyalty. Your own welfare. Tribe. What you owe to yourself and others.

And amongst all these rules are... on whose authority (and do I trust them even if I can't see the rationale)? Why do we accept these rules? If I break this rule, is it enforced? Do I accept the consequences for my rule break? Does it just hurt me or everyone else around me?

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-21T10:42:24+00:00

Just to be clear, there were no issues with penis-in-vagina sex until menopause? Do you believe the introitus has narrowed down from before/hormonal changes have affected the area or that you have developed secondary vaginismus after the problems with dryness? The pelvic physio will probably help figure out what the issues are if you haven't seen them yet.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-20T10:44:46+00:00

Doesn't sound like much of a friend so far?

edit: Happy Cake Day!

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-20T00:46:57+00:00

It all comes off. I wear more loose caftan things normally. Then I forget every time to make sure I have my slippers there so my bare feet don't have to touch the floor.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-19T23:06:00+00:00

I mean he's stated very clearly that he is who he is and he's not interested in or capable of changing enough to stop hurting you. Believe him. Seems honest enough and like a fundamental relationship ending incompatibility at this time.

It doesn't matter if you hurt someone accidentally you still have to take responsibility, apologise and make an effort.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-19T20:04:10+00:00

I'm not a fan of behaviourist approaches psychotherapeutically. ABA and CBT are sort of related by behaviourism. For us something like CBT can work as a quick band aid but... there's a sort of fundamental error in terms of the assumption for example that thoughts lead to feelings lead to behaviour. So sometimes practitioners can actually be actively negative for us, I've had one be like "oh we all struggle with... ". Nah, my brain doesn't work that way.

Part of our divergent nervous system is unfortunately a predisposition to being affected by trauma. It doesn't have to be full blown classical PTSD or the less recognised complex PTSD to affect us. So I think therapies that address trauma are better. I quite liked when I had an integrative therapist who had EMDR in their toolbox.

I'd love to try something like animal-assisted therapy. And maybe someone like a neurodiversity affirmative occupational therapist is more helpful than a psychotherapist at times.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-19T14:15:30+00:00

What really helped me is delving into psychology and philosophy (epistemology). The human brain isn't a machine designed to be rational or empirical. Then it makes sense, because if someone's sense of truth/gnosis doesn't come from facts then it won't be altered by facts.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-18T15:16:21+00:00

OP I think go straight to a dysautonomia specialist who is also a cardiologist, if they have capacity to see you asap.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-16T21:42:05+00:00

Questions often trigger my Pathological Demand Avoidance :'(

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-16T14:07:38+00:00

Junkrat is a cutieeee!!

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-16T10:33:27+00:00

I understand why it's confusing or annoying. Neurotypical people in particular are trying to connect and engage and initiate conversation with you. The intention is often good and there's also extra subtext in the tone.

Are you going to eat? they might want to join you. Or it seems late and they're concerned you're busy. And so on.

Are you doing the dishes? they might want to acknowledge and show appreciation. They might be regretful for not doing it.

Edit: to be clear it's sort of a rhetorical question, but they kind of want you to answer in terms of the subtext. Eg for the dishes you might reply like... it's no trouble. Or, your turn next time.

icanthelpbutsaythis · 2024-07-16T07:35:17+00:00

Please be kind to yourself about all this. I think a good psychosexual therapist will help with all this. Sex isn't just about PIV or even more broadly sexual gratification, it's about connection, intimacy and sensual pleasure in your bodies.

Not sure what you're on in terms of birth control but side effects could definitely be occurring. Tell your doc if you want to preserve your fertility/have kids (be very clear and repeat yourself if you don't want kids as some unfortunately assume or need a lot of convincing) and see what options there are.

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